


Herzeleid

by Em_i_a



Category: Rammstein
Genre: F/M, Older Man/Younger Woman, Pre-Rammstein
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2018-12-12 04:23:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 19
Words: 53,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11729415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Em_i_a/pseuds/Em_i_a
Summary: Velouria is a seventeen year old girl with dreams of becoming a future poet. She lives with her father who is fairly overprotective of her, and wants her to follow in the footsteps of her mother, but when she meets a basket weaver who has the same interests as her in a bookstore, her life begins to change before her eyes, in various ways.





	1. An Unexpected Meeting

 The birds chirped outside my window, the early dawn's sun peering through my curtains. Immediately I grabbed my pillow, placing it over my head.  _Whatever time it was,_ I really wasn't in the mood to get up and leave my warm bed _._ My father popped his head in, dressed in his usual business attire. 

 

"Velouria I'm leaving for work, feed the cats before you leave the house, if you're going for a grocery run buy some milk, I love you, and I'll be back at midnight." I gave him a small wave

"Love you too dad. Have a good day at work." He closed the door, I could hear him walk away, and the house, locking the door behind him. I threw the blankets off of me, wiggling my toes, shaking the tiredness out of my body. I cracked my back, placing my feet on the wooden floor. I ran my hand through my short, wavy black hair, getting my fingers caught in a few pieces. I sighed, looking over at my clock.  _5:47._ I stood up, looking around my colorfully painted room that I just finished last week. I gave a small smile at my work while I shuffled over to the bathroom, grabbing a towel off my dresser, I took my sleep shirt off, throwing it onto my bed, and slid my shorts and underwear off in one swift movement, throwing them into the hamper. I wrapped myself in the towel, leaving my arms exposed, stepping into the washroom, turning on the light, staring at my reflection in the mirror. My pale skin shined in the light just like my mother's did when she used to go out, my huge green eyes inherited from my father shimmering. I rubbed my eyes, turning away from my reflection. I shouldn't look this exhaust cold water can do me good today, I'm only seventeen it's not like I'm a thirty year old working my ass off.I turned on the cold water, letting it fall into my hand, _._ I slipped off the white towel and hung it up on the back of the door, I stepped into the shower, engulfing myself in the bone chilling water, letting it slide down my back. I pushed my hair out of my face, pumping some shampoo into my hand, lathering it into my scalp. I rinsed it out quickly, and picked up a bar of soap, gliding it over my slim body. Over the stretch marks, over my chest, all the way up to my neck, rubbing the soap into my skin. I rinsed myself, and turned off the water, grabbing the towel off the back of the door, drying every inch of my damp body. I fluffed my hair with my hands, letting it fall wherever it did. I exited the bathroom, closing the light, shuffling into my room, opening the dresser, pulling out a black bra and matching underwear, something casual nothing special, I don't have a significant other.I pulled my towel off from around me, sliding my underwear up my legs, letting them rest on my hips. I hooked my bra on, fixing the straps, as I dug around the dresser looking for a casual dress, since it was summer. I sighed, sliding the black lacy dress over my head, shaking my hair out of my face, I made my bed quickly and efficiently so my hair could air dry a little more by all the movement. I let out a satisfied sigh and opened the door, exiting into the hallway leading towards my room. I walked towards the kitchen, picking up my cats bowl's on the way to the way to the counter. 

 "Fritz, Felix come here my babies." I shook the food bowls, hearing them meow, I refilled their bowls and placed them on the ground a couple of feet away from me. The two black cats came over, eating quick, crunching the food between their teeth. I signed, taking two pieces of toast out of the bread box, putting it into the toaster, pushing them down. I walked over to Felix, picking him up from his bowl, petting him lightly on the head, he meowed, his damp nose touching my neck. I walked to the fridge, grabbing myself a carton of milk, closing the door with my foot. I let Felix go for a moment letting him hang on my shoulder as I grabbed a glass. I placed my arm around him again, pouring the milk, the toast popping up a few seconds after. I crouched down.

 "Time for me to eat. Off you go Felix." I put him onto the ground, letting him run off into the living room. I took the pieces of toast out of the toaster, laying them on the counter, I grabbed the carton of milk, and opened the fridge again, exchanging the milk for the butter. I slathered it onto the toast not missing an inch, and placed it back in the fridge. I picked up one piece, and bit down, chewing slowly, savoring the buttery flavor. I let out a moan, holding the piece of toast between my teeth, as I walked out the front door, letting the warm breeze flow over me. I walked down the stone path, towards the black, shiny mailbox. I took another bite of my toast as I opened it up, grabbing the envelopes from the inside, sorting through them.  _Bill, Bill, letter from grandma, letter from dad's work, and a letter from grandma, addressed to me._ I smirked to myself, going back into the house. I threw the mail onto the counter, opening the letter.  _I already knew what the letter was about, it was what she wanted me to do with my future and how she wanted me to save the money she gave me for my education, her usual shindig._ I opened the small hand made envelope that always accompanied the letter, _33 euros. Grandma is being fairly generous this week, which I appreciated but at the same time she's 64 and is in heavy duty debt._ I finished off the toast, and dashed to my room, grabbing my hard covered journal and pen, placing it into my backpack. I went back to the front door, sliding my studded black converse on my feet. I grabbed the keys off the mini holder, exiting the house. I locked the door, and slid the keys into my dress pocket. I walked down the sidewalk towards town, humming the phantom of the opera under my breath. The book store and coffee shop I usually went to was about twenty minutes on foot, and it was open very early, which was great for me _._ I opened up the door of the book store.

 "Guten Morgen Velouria," I glanced over at the book keeper, giving him a large smile.

 "Guten Morgen Herr Becker." I waved.

 "Anything I can help you with?" I shook my head looking at the large collection of books.

 "No I'm alright, I'm just going to look around." I walked up the old wooden stairs, towards the poetry section. _Nobody was really there, I was usually the first customer of the day for Herr Becker, the owner of the store._ I looked around the first bookshelf, from top to bottom, scanning the spines, moving down the isle, continuing to look through the countless isle's. One of the books caught my eye, right at the top of the third shelf I was walking by. I hopped up, holding my dress down with my free hand, trying to reach the book. My height wasn't something to brag about, I was quite short, standing at 5ft. 

"Gosh...Darn it." I mumbled, getting up on my tip toes, letting out a frustrated sigh. That's when I heard a small chuckle. I stopped for a minute, standing normally now, and turned around. Seeing a huge, bulking man, with a masculine figure which was covered by a black t-shirt, eyeing me with a shy smirk on his face, as if he was trying to not laugh at me. His dark brown hair was tied back so it wouldn't fall in front of his slightly scarred face. I felt my face heat up, realizing that I was staring and making him uncomfortable.

 "Need help?" His voice was deep and silky, my mouth opened slightly, having a slight loss for words. It was like my ears were in shock. I shook my head snapping myself out of my daze, realizing that I didn't answer him.

 "Um...Yes. Yes please. Yes please sir." He smirked at my awkward corrections, reaching over my head, causing me to be face to face with his chest. He grabbed Bertolt Brecht's poetry compilation book, and handed it to me.

 "It's really good, I have a copy of my own, and don't call me sir, I'm not that old." He commented. I smiled up at him.

 "Oh...Sorry, and yeah I love all his works, he's one of my inspirations." I held the book against me, looking up at him. He gave me a small toothy smile, and held out his large hand. 

 "I'm Till by the way." I reciprocated the smile, sliding my tiny, almost child sized hand into his, giving it a small shake.

 "Velouria." I replied, still shaking his slightly rough hand. 

 "That's a...A very unique name." He complimented, removing his hand from mine. 

 "So what's a girl like you doing here at 6:48 in the morning?" I raised my eyebrows.

 "A girl like me...Is looking for books of course. What's a man like you doing here at 6:48?" He chuckled, grabbing another poetry book, handing it to me. 

 "Buying some books before I go to work and weave countless baskets." My eyes lit up. I had an art filled mind, I liked any kind of art, whether it be writing, paintings, or even the physical stuff, like basket weaving, which always fascinated me.

 "You weave baskets? That's cool, I've always wanted to try it." He laughed, piling another book on top of the other.

 "It's not THAT fun." He said, as he grabbed another book, placing it on the pile that I held. I placed my chin on top of it. 

 "Don't you work?" He asked, turning over one of the books he grabbed, his eyes scanning over the back. To be honest I always wanted to work, but my father actually wouldn't allow me. He was highly over protective of me, didn't let me date, and since he was always out at work, I usually took advantage of the alone time by going out, he didn't really like it but he didn't have much control over what I did from work. 

 "I don't sadly. My dad wants me to wait until I'm eighteen." I mumbled. He raised one eyebrow.

 "You're not older than eighteen? Could've fooled me." He joked, motioning me to follow him. We walked down the stairs, me still holding the books under my chin by the way. 

 "Well I mean...How old are you? Twenty four?" He laughed, it was quite deep and throaty. Im assuming that I was wrong.

 "Thirty actually." He corrected, placing the books on the counter, helping me put my pile on it as well. 

 "You could've also fooled me." Herr Becker walked around the counter, scanning the books. 

 "Um seprate ta-." Till held up his hand.

 "Same tab, ignore Velouria over here." Herr Becker raised his eyebrows smirking at me. He paid for the books, and held out one of the bags to me.

 "Since you're a fan of poetry, here is a bag full of my favorites." I reluctantly took the bag out of his hands, and gave him a small smile.

 "Thanks...But you really didn't have to." He shrugged.

 "It's a rare day when I find someone who actually enjoys poetry around here...Or who actually wants to talk to me which is another thing." I frowned slightly. He was quite a nice guy, I don't understand why nobody wouldn't want to talk to him. We walked out into the warm summer air, both of us letting out a sigh of relief. 

 "Well...I better go to work. Need to weave those baskets." I frowned.

 "But! Do not fret. I will probably see you here tomorrow, and if not, the next day." He reassured, giving me a small pat on my back. 

 "It was nice meeting you Velouria." 

 "It was nice meeting you too Till." He gave me a small smile, walking away from me, down the road. Still frowning, I kicked a rock or two down the sidewalk, walking the opposite way, towards the supermarket. I opened up my backpack putting all the books into it, then pulling out the grocery list I made for myself. I slung the bag over my shoulder and walked into the store, grabbing a basket for myself. I traveled down every isle, putting various items in the plastic basket like vegetables, fruit, milk, some Cat litter, normal things for me at least. I checked out quickly, the grocery clerk giving me a small kind smile. He was a boy my age, possibly a little older. He handed me the bag.

 "Have a great day." I gave him a smile back.

 "You too." I took the bag out of his hands and went on my way back home. I got there in no time, since it was about five maybe ten minutes away, depending on how fast you walk. I unlocked the front door, and dropped my bag on the ground, carrying the bag of groceries to the kitchen. Felix and Fritz jumped onto the counter, stuffing their faces into the bags. I laughed, pushing their heads away, grabbing the vegetables out of them, placing it into the refrigerator. I continued to sort, and finally finished putting all the groceries away. I walked back over to my bag and pulled out the bag of books that Till gave me, and my journal, with my fountain pen that I wrote everything with. I walked over to the couch and placed them down on the table, taking out the first book on the top.

 "Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe." I muttered under my breath, opening my note book. Whenever I read poetry I write down the page number if I liked the way it was written, it helps me get ideas, and create my own works. I wrote the title of the book and laid back on the couch, opening up to the first page, my eyes scanning over the tiny lettering. I held the book on my stomach.

 "In the water the lily, the naked, oscillates back and forth, but you are mistaken, friend, as soon as you say, it fluctuates: it is so firmly rooted in the deep seabed. Only a loving thought weighs her head back and forth." I read the poem aloud, and sighed at the beauty of the words. I wrote page one down in my note book, and wrote a small note on the side reminding me of what it was speaking of. I continued to read, only stopping to prepare myself lunch and dinner, bathroom breaks were different cause I could still read if I was on the toilet. By the time my dad came home I finished three poetry books, and a few poems of my own. My dad walked in, looking over at me from the door way. I bookmarked the page and sat up quickly closing the book. 

 "Hey dad." I greeted him putting the books in my bag so he wouldn't see that I was writing again. 

 "Velouria what have I said about getting a good night's sleep? It's 12:46 in the morning." He scolded, placing his work bag down. I rolled my eyes and stood up.

 "It's summer dad, a good night's sleep doesn't exist. At least I'm home, unlike all the other people my age." I mumbled, putting my bag on my shoulder, as I walked over to him to give him a small kiss on the cheek.

 "Now I'm going to bed. So goodnight." I added, leaving him before my brain slipped out of creative mode and went into defense mode instead. I walked into my room, closing the door behind me. I took out all the books, and my black leather journal out of my bag, placing it on my dark wooden desk that used to be my mothers. I changed into some sleep shorts, and a baggy dark blue shirt, before I took a seat at my desk so I could write just one more page before I turned in. One page turned into several though, my messy writing was sprawled all over the place, and before I knew it my head began to drop to the desk and my eyes couldn't stay open, my body powering down like a robot, slowly going into sleep mode.

 I was awoken by a small knock on the door, which caused me to shoot up from my seat, banging my knee on the desk in the process. 

 "Mother flipper." I mouthed, holding my knee. I threw my journal on the chair and pushed it under the desk so it would shield it from my dad who poked his head in seconds later right after I messed up my bed to make it look like I slept in it. 

 "Oh...You're awake already. Can't believe that." He muttered, looking at my bedroom walls. 

 "It's great that you like art, but if we ever sold this house I don't think that anyone would want a huge mural of Van Gogh's Starry Night." He joked. I frowned at his comment, knowing that it really wasn't a joke. 

 "Anyways...I'm leaving. Love you Velouria." I gave him a small, reluctant smile.

 "Love you too." He gave me one last look, and closed the door. I listened closely to his footsteps travel down the hall, hearing him placing his work bag on the ground. I walked over to the chair and took the book off the seat, placing it back on top of the desk. I sighed, hearing the front door close and lock. I felt a wave a relief wash over me. I glanced over at the clock, _5:55._ I rushed to the washroom realizing that I might miss Till if I was late. I ran out of my room, throwing my clothes off onto the floor, nearly whipping myself into the shower. I quickly lathered myself, massaging the shampoo into my hair. I rinsed off fast, wrapping one of the spare towels around myself, fluffing my hair as usual. I ran over to my room, grabbing my bra and underwear, pulling them on quickly. I took out a red summer dress, pulling it over my head, fixing the bottom so it hung nicely over my knees. I rushed out of my room, throwing my journal and pen into my bag, slinging it over my shoulder. I quickly poured some food for the cats, and grabbed my keys off the little key hooks that we had near the door. I placed it into the side pocket of my bag, almost tripping over my own feet as I ran out of the house, holding my dress down with my left hand. I arrived at the bookstore in under twenty minutes, which dried my hair pretty quickly. I opened the door quickly. 

 "Guten Morgen Velouria." Herr Becker greeted from his counter, sitting in front of the cash register. I gave him an exhausted large smile.

 "Guten Morgen Herr Becker." He raised his eyebrows, a small smirk coming up on his thin lips.

 "If you're looking for your new friend he's already upstairs in the poetry section." I blushed, giving him a thumbs up, mouthing a thank you. He shot me one back, as I walked up the wooden steps. Searching through the isle's for Till. I arrived at the last one, seeing him on the floor, his knees against his chest, his face buried into one of the books he purchased yesterday. I smiled, and took a seat beside him.

 "Guten Morgen Till." He jumped at how loud I greeted him.

 "Jesus Christ Velouria!" I giggled, grabbing the book out of his fairly large hands.

 "Those books you chose out for me were...Amazing!" He raised his eyebrows, a small reserved smile came up on his lips.

 "You read all of them?" I shrugged.

 "I got through three, but I wrote some stuff of my own..." I murmured. I could see his blue eyes light up with curiosity.

 "Well care to sh-." My stomach growled loudly, interrupting his sentence. He glanced down, holding back laughter. 

 "Oh...Well...Maybe you can share your poetry with me after we go get you something to eat." He smirked, as I blushed from embarrassment. 


	2. Weaving

 We decided to walk to the coffee shop and bakery that was just down the street from the bookstore, my stomach was grumbling all the way there, which filled the silence between Till and I. We shared a couple fits of laughter, but apart from that we didn't talk much, we just enjoyed the silence. We walked into the slightly busy bakery, noticing that it was a rush for coffee and a fast breakfast. I took my wallet out of my bag, immediately seeing Till's hand come up to close it. I laughed.

 "No no. I'm paying for my food, and your's too." I informed, tilting my head to look up at him, with a small smile on my face.

 "Come on. Let me..." I rolled my eyes.

 "How about I pay for breakfast and for the rest of the time we spend together you can pay...Happy?" He glanced down at me and let out a defeated sigh.

 "Fine." The cashier called us up, and I nearly skipped over due to how excited I was to get some food into my stomach.

 "I will have..." I looked up at the board and squinted, seeing the word cheese cake catch my eye.

 "Ein Stück Käsekuchen und ein schwarzer Kaffee." The young woman put my order into the cash register, and looked over at Till. I noticed him turn a fairly bright red, seeing him get a little flustered. 

 "Um...Ein Stück Strohkuchen...Und ein Kaffee." He murmured, not really looking at her. I glanced over at the woman, seeing that she took her gaze off of him and turned her attention back to me. 

 "That will be...Three euros." I took out my pile of coins out of my dress pocket, and handed her the three euros, a small smile appearing on my lips. We moved to the side of the counter, waiting for the food and drinks. I glanced up at him from the corner of my eye, seeing that the redness on his face was slowly fading. 

 "Aww is Tilly shy." I nudged him, playfully teasing. His face turned red again, adverting his gaze. The coffees came out, and I handed one to Till and held one in my right hand, and it was then joined by the food, I could feel my nose twitch at the sight of the beautiful cheese cake. My stomach growled loud enough that everyone probably noticed, but in that moment I really didn't care. I picked it up gently, I could feel Till's eyes observing me as I picked up the plastic fork, and took a small little piece of the edge, and placed it into my mouth. I felt the little piece melt in my mouth, letting out a satisfied moan, I heard Till let out a small, deep giggle, while one of the employees put his piece of streusel cake in front of mine. I placed the fork on the plate, and sighed.

 "Let's go find a seat." I followed Till, as we exited the shop, and found a table in the front. I placed the coffee and cake on the table and pulled out the chair, taking a seat in front of Till who was already enjoying his cake. I took a sip of the pipping hot coffee, and let out a long sigh. We both glanced up from our plates at the same time, my large dark green eyes staring into his blue almost greenish ones. He looked back down immediately, and gulped.

 "Your poetry?" I bit my bottom lip, and sighed, reluctantly putting my bag in front of me. I unzipped the bag and pulled out my journal, handing it over to him. I felt myself grow nervous all of the sudden, as he gently took the book out of my hands, placing it down beside his cup of coffee. I watched him open up to the page that was bookmarked, the last page that I wrote on. His eyes moved from side to side, reading the words that I scrawled on the page just minutes before I fell asleep last night.

 "One does not own beauty, one creates it in their dreams, they feel they can obtain it. All alone, in a dark nights rest, all their thoughts...Lifeless. Cursed by change, hidden by lies, running from the truth, beauty now dies. They don't understand, they don't really care. Beauty now burns, smoke in the air. Years go by and age seeps in. Beauty's worn out, life is giving in. Death creeps up, beauty now cries. You're all alone, in your beautiful lies." His voice made my ears melt, so smooth and deep, even though he was reading my poetry aloud, I could find no words to say to try and stop him. I looked at him, trying to find a reaction within his blank face, I clutched my hand within mine, holding it tightly. He tore his gaze off the page a shy smile floating across his lips.

 "Its beautiful, in a dark way too...Just the way I like it." He smirked, flipping a few pages back. I felt my whole body relax. Thank god.

 "Do you write?" He stopped turning the pages.

 "Um...Not really...They're not th-." 

 "Can I read some?" I interrupted smoothly, taking a bite of the cheese cake.

 "Mmm I don't know..." I frowned, his eyes darting everywhere, looking at everything other than me.

 "It's okay...I don't want to pressure you." I reassured, as his eyes began to wander over another page. 

 "You draw too?" He asked, changing the subject, an impressed smile appearing on his face. I gave him a small nod.

 "I inherited it from my mom, she used to be a fantastic artist." A small confused look came up on his face.

 "Used to be?" I nodded, taking another forkful of the cheese cake.

 "She passed away when I was thirteen. After that my father was never the same again, he dislikes every type of art now, cause it reminds him of her." Till frowned, giving me a small understanding nod.

 "I'm sorry...I know how it feels to lose a parent...My father passed away at the beginning of this year." I gave him a tiny shrug.

 "I've gotten used to her being gone...I do miss her, but when I try to ask if I can go put flowers where she's buried, my father becomes hostile. That's why I keep everything under the radar. Except my art, my art is literally everywhere including my room." I explained. He had a small, melancholy smile.

 "This drawings beautiful so your room must be too." I blushed.

 "Yeah...He probably got rid of all my paint and stuff... including my easel." He took a sip of his coffee.

 "I know we've only seen each other twice...But if you want you can come see the shop I work at and maybe if you like it you can bring all your stuff there..." I felt like an intrusion all of the sudden. Hearing an offer that tempting made me feel some sort of way, like I was now something that was intruding. 

 "Um it's alrig-" He quickly interrupted. 

 "I mean it could be like a studio, no one in the place would bother you, except me of course, and you can sell things too, make some money...It could be your job." Okay, I can admit that the offer was starting to sound really good. It would be a comfortable place, and I wouldn't be alone either, which is a huge plus, I would only have a couple of weeks before school starts, but it would be a great place to get my art career started, it is also possible to do my poetry also, without being bothered. I glanced up at him and rubbed my forearm.

 "I gotta admit...It's a great offer." He looked at me, and raised his eyebrows.

 "So...Is that a yes?" I took a sip of my coffee, and gave him a nod. He smiled brightly, showing off his teeth, and it was fairly contagious because I found myself smiling back at him. I finished my cheese cake, and folded up the plate with the fork in it. He finished his also, leaving us with our coffee's.

 "You can come see the place if you want...The owners won't mind." I nodded.

 "Sure I have nothing else to do." We both stood up, and pushed in our chairs. I followed behind him, as we began walking down the sidewalk. 

"So your boss wouldn't mind you bringing me?" He shook his head. 

 "Nope...As long as I weave baskets and you're not a complete distraction we're all good." He joked, the warm summer air flowing around my legs.

 "Maybe you'll put some color into the place too." He added, taking a sip from his coffee cup. I observed how the sun shined on the side of his face, casting a shadow onto the floor. His face had acne scars, which I could see made him uncomfortable, it was probably the reason why he became so flustered when that young woman was looking at him, but I liked them, they gave him personality. He took a glimpse at me and turned red again. I quickly looked away.

 "Sorry." I murmured, as we began to walk in silence again. We finally arrived at the flat, it wasn't too big, but it was made out of a light brown brick, seemed like it could fit a lot of employees though. He opened the door for me, a faint smell of sweat and willow. 

 "Guten Morgen Till." A short man with long blonde hair greeted, walking by us. 

 "Guten Morgen Lionel." He replied, we walked down the hallway, the wooden floor creaking beneath us. It only took a few minutes to arrive at his work space, which was shield by the door. He pushed it open, revealing a fairly large table, with several woven baskets. He motioned for me to go in, in which I did. The room was only lit by the sun peaking through the window, other than that the place was really dull. For some reason I could picture Till working alone, his hands weaving the baskets in total and complete silence. He must've been so lonely sometimes. I looked around the room, seeing a large space in the corner, where I could put my easel and finished works. I have to be honest, I really wanted to take the offer now. It wasn't just because I could paint in peace without my father ripping it to shreds, but it was just the fact that Till wouldn't be alone. I know it was weird to say seeing is I don't know him too well, and the only things we've actually spoken about in depth was my mom and his dad's passing, but I felt like I could provide him some company, possibly bring him out of his shell, and get to know him a little better. 

 "So...Do you like it?" He murmured quietly, scratching the back of his neck, taking me out of my train of thought. 

 "Yes...I love it actually." I proclaimed, with a small smile on my face. I looked up at him, seeing him smiling as well, but not directly at me. 

 "Well then, that means we're going to have to get you moved in as soon as possible." He joked. I let out a small giggle. Awkward silence yet again. I noticed a small FM radio on his desk, which proved to me he wasn't actually working in complete silence at least. I walked over, and lifted myself onto a part of the work table that looked unoccupied, placing my butt on the wood, and crossing my legs. I could feel Till's eyes watching my as I leaned back and turned the radio on, hearing 4 non-blondes "What's up" blasting through the speakers. I couldn't help but laugh.

 "I wouldn't think that you were into pop music." I glanced over at him, he shook his head, walking over to the work bench.

 "I'm not...I don't really have a choice in the matter, but if I did I would probably listen to Alice Cooper, Zepplin, or Sabbath...I would." He mentioned, taking out some pine straw, stems and grass, placing it on the table.

 "Ahh...So you're a rock and roller." He shrugged, smirking. 

 "Yeah...I used to be in a drummer in a band actually. We kinda split off though, hence the reason I'm working here now." He motioned to his surroundings. 

 "But you enjoy it right?" He nodded, starting off the bottom of the basket.

 "Definitely. I like working with my hands." He mentioned. I watched his fairly large hands slowly weave one of the straws into place.

 "So...When's school starting?" He asked out of the blue, trying to keep up the conversation.

 "September 5th." He raised his eyebrows.

 "And it's your last year right?" I nodded. 

"Sadly it is." I said sarcastically, causing Till to let out a light laugh. 

 "You don't like school?" I shrugged, swinging my legs back and forth.

 "I guess I do...I fly under the radar, so I don't really mind it." He placed another piece of straw weaving it in.

 "Where did you go to high school?" I asked. He stopped for a moment, like he was thinking or reminiscing.

 "I used to go to a sports school for swimming, then got expelled from boarding school." I raised my eyebrows.

 "You? Expelled? You don't seem like the type." I remarked. He smirked, looking over at me.

 "What is my type then?" I shrugged and shifted, pulling my dress down a little over my knees. 

 "I don't know...You're really reserved, and kind. I wouldn't think that you would get expelled." I explained, as he continued to weave another piece into the basket. 

 "Well I'm all those things that you listed, I just wasn't myself when I was there..." It sounded like he didn't want to talk about it, so I avoided continuing the conversation and moving to a slightly different topic.

 "So you used to be a swimmer?" He nodded.

 "Yeah...I was shortlisted to go to the 1980 Olympics in Moscow, but I got kicked out of the group before I got there, it was for stupid things, but I still enjoy taking a swim or two once in a while." He informed quietly, I could see the basket slowly coming together before my eyes.

 "What did you do to get kicked off the team?" He let out a small sigh.

 "An abundance of things. We went on a trip to Italy and I left the hotel room without permission, I drank...Like I said, loads of things." He admitted, his eyes completely focused on the basket.

 "What are you thinking of doing after high school?" He asked. I knew what I wanted to do...But at the same time I couldn't follow it, especially because the only support system I had in my life was my father, who didn't support what I was doing.

 "I want to become a professional poet, or artist. Whichever one I can achieve...I enjoy them both." I confessed honestly, leaning back slightly so I could see his face out of the corner of my eye. 

 "Always do what you love to do...Don't let someone dictate what you do for the rest of your life, because you will always be thinking about how great your life would've been if you followed your dreams." He advised, motioning for me to hand another piece of straw to him that probably ended up behind me. I turned to the side, handing it over to him. I watched him gently weave it along, seeing the medium sized basket in front of me. He began to finish the ends happily. 

 "You really need to teach me how to do this. You're amazing at it." I commented, watching him delicately weave the edges into one another so it would have a clean finish. He blushed lightly at the comment, pulling his large hands off the finished product. 

 "It literally took you twenty minutes to finish it...What time do you work until?" I asked curiously. He glanced over at the clock, and squinted.

 "Until ten tonight I think. Why?" I smiled, bringing my short legs up onto the table, criss crossing my legs like a child, I shifted my dress so I wasn't exposing myself or anything.

 "I might as well make myself comfortable." He raised one eyebrow. 

 "You're staying?" I nodded. 

 "I...I don't bore you?" He questioned, actually sounding concerned. I enjoyed his company, and he wasn't boring at all, I don't know why he would think that. He seemed so self conscious about himself, and I know everyone has something they don't like about themselves, but it seems like he has very low thoughts about himself. 

 "I don't find you boring at all..." I could see his eyes shine from the sunlight, he seemed caught off guard by my answer. 

 "Why would you think that?" He shrugged. 

 "I don't know...Whenever I talk to people it feels like I'm not communicating with them correctly, like they don't understand where I'm coming from...Or they're just not interested in what I have to say." He explained, placing the finished basket with the rest of them. 

 "Well...I like talking to you, and that's why I'm not leaving." I reassured, smiling at him. He turned around and let out a sigh. 

 "Well...If you're going to stay here...I might as well teach you how to weave a basket, get two done at once." He propositioned, taking out enough material for him and I. I hopped off the work table, fixing my dress. 

 "Let's get started then." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! Tell me what you guys think about the story so far! :)


	3. Pancakes

 Time went by so quickly that we lost track of it. Six thirty was a break for dinner, which was provided by the workplace, according to Till they didn't do this too often, usually it was to celebrate someone's birthday, but he didn't think that it was someone's birthday so it must've been a special occasion then. For me I only stuck to the vegetables and some bread, I didn't enjoy meat all that much, except bacon of course, but if it was the only thing that was there I would eat it. Till on the other hand took almost every sort of meat they offered, in addition to the vegetables and bread. On the other hand I did learn several things about Till, but one of the biggest thing I noticed was he had a really great singing voice. I only found that out when I was coming back from the washroom and overheard him singing to one of the pop songs on the radio from behind the door. When I went back in he immediately stopped, pretending that I didn't hear him. Then ten o'clock came around and we were cleaning up.

 "It's pretty dark outside...Want me to walk you home?" He asked lightly, piling the baskets into one another. I shrugged handing him the three that I made. If my dad caught me walking home with a man who was thirteen years older than me he would probably kill me and him, but it was only ten o'clock right? He wouldn't be home for another two hours, so it wasn't too risky. 

 "Okay." I replied, knowing that he probably wouldn't take no for an answer. I grabbed my bag off the work counter putting it over my shoulders, and exited the building from the back door. 

 "Lead the way." He murmured, motioning in front of him. We began to walk towards the bookstore. 

 "Is your dad going to be home?" He asked out of the blue. I shook my head.

 "Nope...He comes home at midnight, even later sometimes." He raised his eyebrows.

 "So you're home alone all the time?" I nodded.

 "Since I was fourteen...I've gotten used to it though, when he is home he's always on me about getting a good nights sleep, and stuff like that." I explained simply.

 "It does get quite lonely sometimes though..." I added. He looked down at me.

 "I mean...I could stay with you until midnight if you want, I don't get too much sleep as it is." He offered. In all honesty, this was actually the only time that I actually wanted someones company. Apart from the two or three friends I have in school, Till was someone that actually understood where I was coming from or what I was going through, probably because he has gone through it himself. It had been a great day, and even though it might be quite risky to let him stay, I kind of wanted him to.

 "Okay. You just have to make sure you leave a little before midnight just in case he got off work early." I warned. He smirked, and nodded. It took a couple of more minutes, which were filled with total silence, to reach my house. I grabbed my keys out of the side pocket of my bag, placing it into the lock, hearing a loud click. I pushed open the door letting Till in before me. Immediately a choir of meows  rang through the house, my cats walking towards us. I smirked, locking the door behind me.

 "Welcome to my humble abode." I motioned to our surroundings as Till bent down and held his hand out at Felix.

 "That's Felix and the other one is Fritz." I introduced them. 

 "They're so cute." He commented, while Felix and Fritz rubbed against his legs. I smirked, placing my keys on the hook.

 "I'm going to get changed out of this dress. Make yourself comfortable." I shuffled past him, down the hallway to my room. I opened the door, dropping my bag down on the ground, turning on the dim light. I sighed, emptying my bag, putting my poetry book into my desk. I closed the door behind me, walking over to my dresser. I pulled out a pair of jogging bottoms, and a baggy t-shirt, prying my dress off from over my head. I shook my head, fluffing my hair a little bit, while I unhooked my bra. My breasts weren't big, nor were they small. The only way to explain them was that I could pass without wearing a bra and people would think I was wearing one...If that makes sense. I slid the baggy Jimmy Hendrix t-shirt over my head, pushing my hair out of my face. I threw my dress into the hamper, and folded my bra putting it into the dresser. I grabbed my black jogging bottoms, sliding them over my smooth, pale, and short legs, tying the waist band up so they didn't fall off, since they were so loose. I closed the light and stepped out of my room, waddling into the living room, seeing Till sitting on the couch watching Derrick, a crime show that I would binge watch at this time of night. I walked by him, noticing that he had Felix in his arms. His eyes slowly followed me, as I threw myself down on the couch, cuddling into the pillow.

 "You like this show?" He asked, looking over at me. I nodded.

 "Yeah...It's one of my favorites. I enjoy it quite a bit." I glanced over at him, a small smile on my face.

 "Do you like it?" I asked, my eyebrows raised. He gave a small shrug, slowly dragging his hand over the top of Felix's head.

 "I used to watch it when it first aired, then I got busy and just...Forgot about it." I frowned, and looked back at the television.

 "Well...Now you can get back into it." I murmured. Fritz jumped up in front of me, cuddling into my shirt, and purring loudly. I smiled, dragging my hand over his smooth fur. I felt myself slowly begin to close my eyes, trying to keep them open, but to no avail, my body slowly gave in to the tiredness, and fell asleep. 

 ------

 I laughed lightly at Felix crawling up my shoulder, as I turned to Velouria to say something, seeing that she was sound asleep, Fritz curled up against her, sleeping also. I smiled to myself, scanning her black hair hanging over her freckled face. I turned off the television, gently putting Felix down on the ground, the movement woke Fritz up, causing him to jump off the couch, and run off in a sprint. She let out a light snore, and I could feel my heart begin to beat out of my chest. There was something so alluring about her, it just made me want to get to know her more, and be closer with her, which was a feeling that was being reignited. I sighed, knowing that it was impossible, she would probably be leaving the country to get away from her father after she finishes school, getting close to her would take time too, I can't even look her in the eye without feeling like she is judging me. I shook my head, hooking my arms under her legs. I slowly lifted her up, holding her against me as I walked to her room. She was so small in my arms that she could've been mistaken for a child, her head rested on me, while I pushed open the door with my foot. I almost dropped her when I saw her walls, my mouth fell agape instead. They were painted in every shade of blue, with orange and yellow representing the sun, just like Starry Night. She was...Talented, to say the least. I snapped out of my daze, walking over to her bed. I slowly pulled her blankets off her bed and put her under, pulling the covers up to her neck. She rolled over letting out a sigh against the pillow. I couldn't help but smile, as I stood up straight looking at the window, which was the only way to get out, without leaving the door unlocked, so I grabbed my shoes from the front door, slid them on, wrote a small note and exited through the window, excited to see what the next day had in store for us.

 ------

 A loud knock echoed through the room, causing me to shoot up from my bed. My dad must've tucked me in for the night when he came home. 

 "Um come in." I nearly yelled, my dad opened up the door, and gave me a small smile 

 "Morning, you must've slept really well last night. You weren't up when I came home." I widened my eyes, and nodded rapidly.

 "Oh yeah! Definitely." I replied enthusiastically, lying through my teeth. He smiled brightly.

 "Just wanted to wake you up. I'm off to work, so I will see you tomorrow morning." I waved at him.

 "Okay dad. See you tomorrow." He closed the door behind him, and immediately my mind raced. I threw the covers off, looking around the room, I noticed a note on my desk which could've only been from one person. 

 "Till." I murmured, getting out of the bed, sleepily walking over to the note. I picked it up, and unfolded the piece of paper, his writing was written out messily in red pen.

 "It's moving day. I'll be at your house at 7." I glanced over at the clock, seeing that it was six. I had enough time to grab a shower, change, and make some breakfast. I quickly took my shirt and jogging bottoms off, and hopped all the way to the shower. It was quick and rushed, but in all honesty I did have to start cutting down my shower time, especially when school is just around the corner. I turned off the water, and towel dried my hair, making my way back to my bedroom. I dropped my towel, and pulled on my undergarments. If I was going to be moving my paint stuff I definitely didn't want a dress getting dirty, so I grabbed a Black Sabbath t-shirt, and a pair of black jeans. I pulled them on quickly, and made my way to the kitchen, filling up Felix and Fritz's cat bowls. I opened up one of the many cupboards I had in the kitchen and climbed up onto the counter to reach the pancake mix, being interrupted with a knock before grabbing it. I hopped down and walked over to the door, hopping over Felix in the process. I unlocked it, quickly and pulled it open, seeing Till leaning against the frame, he looked down at me, a small shy smile on his face. 

 "Guten Morgen Fraulein." His gravelly voice greeted.

 "Guten Morgen Till." I replied happily, moving away from the door to let him in. He took his shoes off as I walked back to the kitchen, pulling myself back up onto the counter. I could hear his heavy footsteps coming towards my location, laughing lightly.

 "Mein Gott. What are you doing?" I reached up, grabbing the pancake mix, I felt myself lose balance, falling back. Till's muscular, and fairly large arms caught me, before I dropped onto the floor, holding the pancake mix still.

 "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm dropping from counters." I joked, as he slowly placed my feet onto the floor, his arms lingering around me. I raised my eyebrows, glancing over my shoulder. He quickly pulled his arms off me, causing my teeth to bite my lower lip, as I smirked. I listened to him make his way to the island, while I placed the pancake mix on the counter. 

 "Can you grab me one of the bowls so we don't have a do over of what just happened?" I asked, motioning to the cupboard beside me. 

 "Um...Alright." He replied, I opened the box of pancake mix, hearing him lumbering over to the cupboard, bringing down a metal bowl, placing it in front of me. I opened the bag up pouring the mix into it, I filled the measuring cup with a cup and a half of cold water, and poured it into the bowl also, beginning to stir it. Till searched for a pan and placed it onto the stove top for me, turning up the heat. I glanced over at him, seeing the fire shooting out the sides, nearly burning his hand. He walked around me, grabbing the butter out of the fridge, cutting a slice with one of the knives that was in the dish rack, throwing it onto the pan, a sizzling sound accompanying it. I shifted to the side, bringing the bowl over with me. Till did the same, putting some space between us. I poured some of the mix into the pan, taking a spatula out of one of the drawers. I could sense that Till was watching my nimble movements, as I stood there waiting a couple of seconds before turning it over, the one side of the pancake a perfect golden brown. 

 "Can you grab a plate?" He nodded, grabbing it from the dish rack, placing it beside me. I slid the pancake off onto it.

 "You should make some too, it'll be faster." I mentioned.

 "Good point." He grabbed another pan from the cupboard, and put some butter on it, turning on the flame beside mine, I could see the fire shoot out on the ends. I poured some more mix into my pan and handed it to him, he did the same, placing it on his side. I felt so tiny beside him, and I bet everything around him felt small as well. I handed him the spatula, letting him turn over his pancake, before I turned my own over. He seemed so out of it, so I quickly dipped my finger into the batter, and put a little on the tip of his nose, letting out a small giggle, seeing him blush heavily. 

 "Come on Till, smile." I gave him a tiny nudge, putting another batter dot under his eye, and under the other one as well. Flipping the pancake that I had on my pan, as well as his. 

 "I...I'm sorry." He murmured under his breath. I tilted my head to look up at him, a small confused look on my face. Unless he burned a fucking pancake, which he didn't, there is no reason he should be saying sorry. 

 "Why are you apologizing?" I asked lightly, taking both pancakes off the heat putting them into the plate. I refilled the pans.

 "I don't know...I thought I made you uncomfortable..." I smirked at him.

 "Till...It wasn't a big deal, you caught me before I smashed my head on the ground, no discomfort was felt, so don't be sorry." I reassured.

 "Now flip that pancake or else you'll really be sorry." I warned, giggling. He laughed along with me, flipping the pancake. I grabbed the spatula out of his hand and did the same, I handed him a dishcloth so he could wipe the batter off his face. 

 "I also love your smile. So please do it more often...I don't like seeing you miserable." His face turned so red, like a tomato, but I enjoyed that as well. I could tell he tried to cover his face with the dish cloth, but it just made it even more noticeable to me. I smirked, turning back to the pans, I poured the last bit of batter in each, and waited a few seconds.

 "I'm assuming you carried me to bed right?" He nodded.

 "I was amazed by your walls, they were stunning, how long did it take you?" I gave a small shrug. 

"I did around five hours a day. So...Probably around twenty hours." I remember those days, my room still has the smell of the paint, which took a while to dry, especially because it was oil paint. 

 "I don't know why your father would have a problem with it, you're so talented. I almost dropped you on the ground cause I was so shocked." I laughed at how he was explaining his reaction, putting the last two pancakes on the plate, handing it to him. I could see a large red mark on the top of his hand

 "Till...Did you...Burn yourself?" I pointed at it, he placed the plate down on the island, and turned his hand looking at the blister. 

 "Yikes...I didn't notice that." He sounded like he was trying to mask the pain.

 "I'm going to get some bandages...Cause that does not look good at all." I ran to the bathroom, opening up the medicine cabinet, pulling out some gauze and disinfectant cream. I got back into the kitchen in record time, seeing that he already had a pancake in his hand with a large bite mark in it. His blue eyes met mine, a small reddish tinge coming up on his cheeks.  

"Sorry. I couldn't resist." He claimed. I rolled my eyes, pointing to the chair in front of me.

 "Sit." He frowned, and walked over, the floor creaking beneath him, as he took a seat on the chair. I still had to look up at him, but not as much as before. I grabbed the hand that the pancake was in and pulled it to me, taking a quick bite.

 "Jesus Christ I'm an amazing cook." I jokingly declared, picking up his left hand gently. My hand was so tiny compared to his, his were workers hands, huge and large. Mine were literally child's size, which was a side effect of being short, as a reference of how small my hands were, if I were to put both of them together, Tills one hand would be able to wrap around both of them. I sighed, turning it over, the nasty burn beginning to blister. 

 "Do you like the pain or something? Cause I have a feeling that if I didn't notice this, it would've gone unnoticed by you." He shrugged.

 "It's not that bad." I grabbed the bandage, smearing some of the disinfectant onto the gauze, gently placing it on it. I pressed down lightly, hearing him hiss.

 "Don't do that." I raised my eyebrows.

 "Thought you liked the pain." I murmured. He grabbed another pancake, taking a large bite.

 "These are quite irresistible." He motioned to the fluffy, golden brown pancake. I grabbed his arm again, taking a bite of it.

 "They really are." I taped the gauze up so the bandage wouldn't fall off. I let his hand go, my eyes lingering on it. 

 "Thanks..." I glanced up at him.

 "No problem...Um...I think we should get moving, it'll take a while to bring all my paints and supplies to your work." I warned.

 "I borrowed a car from work, so we can just load everything up in there, it'll be way easier." He mentioned standing up from the chair, immediately I felt small again, his shadow casting over me. 

 "Well...Let's get to work then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My updates are going to be very scattered, school has started up again, but I will try to update whenever I can! I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter!


	4. Blush

 A couple of nights later, while I was lounging around the house, my dad came out of his room with two fairly large luggage bags in his hands. I watched him walk to the front door.

 "And where are you going?" I questioned, getting up from my laid position, closing the book that I had in my hands. He let out a huff of frustration.

 "I've done this a billion times Vel. It's the annual work trip, remember? I always leave for the last two weeks of summer." I just remembered now to be honest, we rarely get to talk, and when we do it's like an argument, so he can't blame me for not remembering the work trip. 

 "Um yeah I remember...I guess I just forgot." I said quietly, my shoulders lifting into a shrug. He slid on his shoes, a small sigh escaping from his mouth. I placed the book on the couch and walked over to him, I gave him a light hug.

 "Have fun on your trip." I murmured, he nodded, pulling away from me coldly. If I was going to explain how I felt when my dad didn't hug me back, or when he pulls away from me like he just did, it was probably a mix between abandonment, and sadness. We used to be so close before my mom passed, and when she did my dad just stopped being a dad. Sometimes I wanted him to just hug me, and be supportive, but it was just a large dream, off in the distance. He picked up his bags, and without another word, he left as usual. I felt tears weld up in my eyes, all of the sudden a wave of emotion came over me, I don't know why I was feeling this way. I walked over to the wall phone, taking it off the hook, dialing the only person that I wanted to talk to right now. I twirled the wire around my fingers, wiping the tears off my cheeks. I heard a little click, and a small sigh.

 "Hello?" Till's deep, sleepy voice answered, mid yawn. I sniffled, a shaky breath escaping my mouth.

 "Till...Can I come over?" I cried. I could hear him shuffling on the other end of the phone, I'm assuming he was sitting up. 

 "Yeah...Yeah sure...Just be careful coming here, it's kinda late." He warned calmly. I wiped my face, nodding.

 "I'll be there in twenty minutes." I croaked, hanging up the phone. Immediately I slid my shoes on, and opened the front door, the cool night air hitting my tear soaked face. I zipped up my sweater, and made my way to his house. The first time I went over there was when we were moving my things to the warehouse. He forgot his work shoes so he invited me in as he was looking for them. His house was cozy, a nice comfy couch, a tiny kitchen, with two bedrooms, I don't know why he would've needed two bedrooms though, he was the only one living there. I shivered, wiping my tears off my cheeks, trying to prevent myself from getting even colder. I walked by a bar, seeing everyone laughing and smiling, and for some, unknown reason I felt like I wanted to be them. Maybe this was just one of my depressing moments, where I felt alone, and helpless in the world. I began to rush to Till's house, wanting to get there as soon as possible, before I lost all the mental control that I had. I ran up the stepping stones that led to his front door, and stepped onto his porch, knocking loudly on the door. I heard a small cry, all of the sudden my mood changed. It sounded like a baby. The door opened, seeing Till in a t-shirt and grey jogging bottoms, holding a pink bundle. My eyes widened immediately, eyebrows raising in shock. He had a kid. She cried loudly, the squeaky sobs ringing through my ears. He had bags under his eyes, like he didn't get any sleep, he let out a small yawn.

 "Come on in, I was just heating up a bottle." I opened up the screen door as he walked back to the kitchen. I slipped off my shoes, and followed him, the babies crying still ringing through the house. He took the pot off the stove, moving it to the burner behind it. I held out my arms.

 "Here, I'll hold her while you get the bottle ready." He looked over at me, then down at the baby, and gave me a small nod, gently placing the baby into my arms. She was so light, and I could hear her cries immediately fade as I slowly rocked her back and forth. I smiled down at her, tracing my finger over her tiny nose. I guess every woman had the motherly instincts, even me. I could see Till looking over his shoulder slightly, as he poured the warm milk into the bottle, screwing the top on, handing it to me.

 "She seems to be calmer with you." He muttered, smiling down at me. I could feel my cheeks heat up, as I slowly placed the bottle into her mouth. 

 "What's her name?" I asked quietly, trying not to disturb her relaxed state. 

 "Marie Louise..." He replied softly.

 "She's three months." I looked up at him, a small smile on my face. 

 "And she's yours?" He let out a chuckle.

 "Yes. Do you really think someone would want me watching their kids?" He joked, lightly laughing. 

 "Her mother had to go to work...So I have to watch her for the night." He added, leaning against the counter. I took the empty bottle out of her mouth, handing it over to Till, who took it out of my hand.

 "My other child...Nele...She never cried this much with me." How could he hide something so big from me? He has two fucking kids, and he thought that was something to brush over? I shrugged.

 "Some babies are better with females. I wasn't expecting that female to be me though." He smirked, as I cradled her in my arms. 

 "Why were you crying on the phone?" He asked softly. I didn't look up at him, I kept my gaze fixated on the small bundle in my arms.

 "I was just thinking...And I guess my emotions got the better of me." I explained under my breath. Till pushed off the counter and walked over to me, taking Marie Louise out of my arms.

 "I'll put the bundle of joy in her crib then we can talk about it." He murmured, carrying her off to her room, which gave me the answer as to why he had a house with two bedrooms. I took a seat on the small couch, hearing Till slowly close the bedroom door, making his way back to me. He sat beside me, leaving some space between us, and leaned back. 

 "So...Why were you crying?" I looked over at him, and shrugged, not being able to find the words to express how I was feeling.

 "I just felt...Alone all of the sudden. My dad left for a business trip, and when I went to hug him, it was like he didn’t want anything to do with me…He is leaving for two weeks, and all he wanted to do was push me away." Till let out a small sigh.

 "You can stay here for the time being if you want. It's not a big deal to me." I looked over at him, a small smile appearing on my lips.

 "Thanks Till, but I don't want to be a bother." He chuckled a little bit.

 “Non sense…You’re staying, I’ve got some extra clothes and stuff in my room, you can choose whatever you want to wear.” He said quickly, ending the discussion so I couldn’t say anything back. I got up, and reluctantly sighed, walking down the hall towards his room. His bed was unmade, the phone right beside it, his alarm clock read one thirty, but apart from that his room was quite minimalistic. There was a desk with a few books on it a journal included, but I knew it was quite a personal thing. I sighed, pulling my dress off of me, as I opened up the dresser, grabbing an Alice Cooper t-shirt, and a pair of jogging shorts, that looked fairly large when I was holding them up in front of me. I pulled on the shorts, tying them up as tightly as I could around my waist, I unfolded the shirt, taking a small whiff of it. Till’s fairly strong, minty scent radiating through my nose. I let out a small breath out so I could smell it one more time. Then all of the sudden as I was about to put on the shirt, the door opened, and I heard Till gasp, closing it loudly.

 “Shit…Sorry.” I couldn’t help but let out an embarrassed laugh, while I pulled on the shirt and opened the door, knowing that he was probably back on the couch. I tip toed over to the living room, noticing that he was laying on the couch, his face right in the pillow, his feet dangling off the end of the arm rest. He was too tall to fit on the couch which wasn’t too shocking, since the couch was probably a little bit longer than me. I could tell he was embarrassed, hell I would be too if I walked in on a girl shirtless, if I was a guy of course. I pushed his legs over a little, so it made some space for me as I laid down beside him, head to feet, putting one leg under his, and the other near his head, my feet not quite reaching his face. 

 “What are you doing?” His voice was muffled against the pillow. 

 “Laying on the couch with you.” I murmured, turning on the television.

 “…Sorry I accidentally walked in on you…I didn’t mean for that to happen. I-I’m sorry.” I put my arm over his leg and resting my head on his leg, which twitched when I came in contact with it.

 "Don't worry about it Till. I don't care." I replied. I saw him turn his head, so he was facing the television.

 "You should care." He shot back. I raised my eyebrows at his response. It was just an accident, I don't think he meant to walk in and see that, so for me it really isn't a big deal, it's also the fact that he probably didn't see anything either, probably just caught a glimpse of my skin. 

 "Well...I don't, cause it was just an accident. So don't worry." I said through a yawn. He took this as a sign to not start an argument with me, so he didn't. We just laid there in silence, watching Derrick, my eyes began to slowly flutter, as I struggled to keep them open. My ears tuned into his light breathing, which made me even more sleepy, and eventually I gave in. 

 ------

 I couldn't get the image of her out of my head, how smooth her skin looked in the dim light, even though almost everything was covered, except her back from where I was standing. I turned over a little bit so my body was facing the television, trying not to wake her by my sudden movements, especially because her leg was between mine, which made me even more flustered. I tried my best to not crush her foot under my side, so I moved back slightly so just her toes were under me. Her pale white leg caught my eye, small stretch marks scattered around them, I brought my left hand up, tracing over the little purple lines that were so unnoticeable from afar. Her skin was smooth, and silky under my calloused finger tips. For some reason I was wishing for her to wake up, and ask me what I was doing, because at this point of time I was willing to say everything that I was thinking in that moment. My eyes trailed up her leg up to her freckled splattered face, as she cuddled her head into my leg, I couldn't help but smile, while I closed my eyes, trying to get in some sleep before the baby started crying. 

 ------

 A small knock at the door awoke us the next morning, my head shot up from Till's leg, he let out a loud grunt, sitting up as well. 

 "Probably Anja...I'll go get the baby." He got up from the couch quickly, walking to the babies room. In my own mind I was remembering what happened. He walked to the front door with Marie Louise in his arms opening the door.

 "Thank you so much for watching her Till. Sorry about being so last minute about it." She let out a small sigh.

 "It's alright, she was really good last night, not a lot of crying." He informed quietly. I looked over at the television, and then back at the doorway. 

 "I will call you next time." He laughed.

 "Yes. Thank you Anja." He closed the door, letting out a small sigh, placing his back on it. 

 “Breakfast?” He offered, not making any eye contact with me, walking right by the living room. I rolled my eyes, and got up from the couch following him into it. 

 “Looks very dull outside today eh?” I murmured, leaning against the frame of the kitchen entrance, trying to make some sort of conversation. He opened up the cupboard, bringing down a bag of coffee.

 “Yeah…It’s probably going to rain.” He replied, in an over enthusiastic voice, ignoring my gaze, his back still facing me. He filled up one of the coffee filters, as I pushed myself off the frame, walking over to him, tip toeing so he couldn't sense that I was coming. I hopped up on his back wrapping my legs around his waist, my arms around his neck.

 "Velouria!" He gasped, trying to keep himself composed, and serious. I put my chin on his shoulder.

 "Can't you just forget about walking in on me? You're being immature." He chuckled lightly.

 "You're the one acting like a backpack...I'm not the one being immature." He pointed out, putting the filter into the coffee maker. 

 "I'm not getting off your back until you stop being all shy. Like I said it wasn't a big deal, you really didn't see anything at all..." I explained, he turned the coffee maker on, walking to the fridge with me still clung on his back. 

 "Okay! I'll forget about what I saw, now get off my back." He laughed. In complete and total honesty, I actually didn't want to let go, I felt right, and in that moment I think he knew how I was feeling. I slowly dropped off of him, and went back to the same spot that I was at before, leaning against the entrance of the kitchen. He opened the fridge door, hunching over a little so he could grab the carton of eggs, and stood up. He walked back to the counter, and brought down a pan from the top shelf. He brought down a bowl to put the eggs in. He cracked a few of them, discarding the shells, in the garbage, all of this being done in pure silence. 

 "...Are you going to go back home after this?" He asked quietly. I bit my bottom lip, looking down at the ground.

 "Do you want me to go back home?" I replied softly. He stirred up the eggs, the sound of the coffee maker brewing in the background. He placed the fork into the sink, and turned around, his gaze on the floor.

 "You may not believe it...But I'm terribly lonely." I couldn't help but blush, and smile.

 "Then I'll stay." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things will be picking up after this. It's going to be exciting. Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! Tell me your thoughts, where do you think this story is going? I wanna hear some conspiracy theories. :)


	5. Fever

 I think the more I stayed around Till, I felt like I could be way more open with him, not that I couldn't be open with him before, but there was a sort of comfort that was provided when I spoke to him now, but it was different for him it was like it was difficult for him to break down the walls that he had built up to shield himself from sharing anything too personal with me. I was around him all day basically, except for when I slept, I took the couch, which took loads of insisting by the way. He wasn't too happy about that, but he began to accept it. A week later, I woke up during the night to Till groaning.

 "Velouria. Please wake up!" He sounded tired, and in pain, his throat sounded dry, like he swallowed marbles. Immediately I got up, sleepily walking to his room, which was dimly lit. He laid in his bed, his blanket thrown off of him, through the light I could see his toned torso, and defined chest covered in some sweat. His breathing was heavy, and hoarse, which interrupted my staring session.

 "I think I'm sick." He muttered, letting off a loud, dry cough into the air. I cringed at how painful it sounded.

 "Who get's sick during the summer?" I joked, walking over to him. He tried to force a smile on his face, but it was held back by his eyebrows knitting together from pain. I took a seat on the bed, criss crossing my legs, as I placed my hand on his sweaty forehead checking his temperature. He was boiling hot, running a fairly high fever which was what I assumed. He took in a sharp breath reacting to my bloodless hands.

 "Your hands are fucking freezing. I don't know how you're so cold." He murmured, as I slowly traced my hand down his slightly scarred face, dragging my thumb across his cheek. He sniffled, struggling to open up his eyes. 

 "Can you please get me some water?" He croaked, I gave him a small smile and nodded, getting up from his bed, quickly getting him a glass of lukewarm water so he wouldn't be in too much pain when he drinks. I nearly tripped over the cats as I walked to his room, did I mention that I brought the cats to his house so I could keep an eye on them? Anyways, I got back into his room, with the glass of water in tact. I handed it to him, and helped him sit up, putting the pillow up behind his back to give him some support. He let out a groan of pain yet again, as he lifted the glass up to his mouth, taking a long gulp of water. He pulled the rim away from his lips. His blue eyes scanning over me, while I slowly took the cup out of his hands, placing it on the bedside table. 

 "Well that was painful." He whispered, I laid down beside him, getting under the covers, keeping some space between us, not touching him, since I know he would be fairly uncomfortable about that. He let out a low groan.

 "What are you doing?" I pulled the covers around my waist, just like he had the covers around his, and shrugged, his gaze was on me, as I shifted and got comfortable on the slightly stiff mattress. Immediately he tensed up under my stare.

 "I'm staying. You're sick, and if your fever becomes worse, I will at least know, instead of you yelling from your room for me to come and help you." I explained, my eyes running over his chest, hoping that he wouldn't notice. He didn't say anything to me, he just moved his head to the side, looking towards the window. My eyes trailed back up to his face, seeing his cheeks were burning red with slight discomfort and embarrassment.

 "Stop staring." He said under his breath. I will never understand why he was so terrified of being looked at, he has such an alluring look to me, that I couldn't not stare at him, there was so many details in his face that I just didn't want to miss. Yet I still found myself saying the usual.

 "Sorry." He didn't say anything back, and slowly turned over so his back was facing me. He let out a groan of pain as he struggled. In those moments I didn't want to help, knowing that he probably didn't want it. I hated watching him struggle with a passion, but I was the reason for it in a way. Finally he successfully turned over and faced the window, the bare muscular physique of his back under my stare. I turned over on my side as well, staring at his back, hoping that he would possibly turn back around. I think I laid there for thirty minutes before I heard light snoring. I took slight advantage of it, moving a little closer to him, putting my arm over his torso. He didn't tense up, so he must've been in a very deep sleep. I kept my distance though, the only contact between him and I being my arm. He shifted, but didn't wake up, and under my hand I could feel his large, calloused palm. I smiled to myself sliding my fingers in between his, holding his hand tightly. I pressed my body against him, placing my forehead on his back, slowly closing my eyes. 

 ------

 I felt pain rush through my bones, causing me to slowly come out of unconsciousness the next morning, feeling a body pressed up against me. I pried my eyes open sleepily, my gaze looking down upon a sleeping Velouria, who was pressed up against me, her head on my arm, the both of us entangled within each other, my arms around her, one under her head and the other one around her waist. Her hand was pressed against my chest, and her arm hung over my torso. For some reason I couldn't bring myself to pull away from her, because it felt so right, yet in the back of my mind I knew it was wrong. Now let me explain. The only reason why it felt wrong was the age, she isn't even out of high school yet, she also isn't even an adult, I felt perverted, having feelings for someone who is this young, and even though there is a chance she likes me, it wouldn't be viewed as perverted on her side. She shuffled closer to me, pressing up against my body even more, her freezing cold forehead falling onto my chest. I felt myself tense up out of instinct, the only thing I could think about was pulling away before my body went against me and she woke up to one of my embarrassing moments. She let out a soft moan, her breath tickling my chest, immediately I melted, her head slowly rising off my chest. She opened her eyes, the green shining in the light, as her pupils dilated. She smiled up at me.

 "Morgen." I blushed heavily even though it could've probably passed off as my body reacting to the fever. 

 "Morgen." She replied, her eyes running over my face, I adverted my gaze, my shyness taking over. 

 "Um...Do you want breakfast?" I asked, even though I didn't even feel well enough to get up out of bed, and go make it. A small smirk appeared on her face.

 "I do, but I think I'll make it, you just relax." She laughed lightly, as she untangled herself from me, and moved back, getting out of the bed. Her warmth left me, and without her I felt so cold, and lonely. My eyes watched her as she left the room, leaving the door open. I laid there, staring up at the ceiling.

 ------

 I walked into the kitchen, a light yawn escaping my mouth, as I opened up the cupboards, grabbing some coffee beans. I placed them onto the counter, and sighed. A light knock from the front door interrupting my halting my next action. I looked over at the door, remembering that it wasn't my house.

 "Um Till! Someones at the door." I informed. He grunted.

 "Its probably Richard, I told him that we could go out today. Just let him in and I'll talk to him." He responded. I looked down at myself, pulling my baggy shirt down slightly, so I looked...Slightly presentable. I quickly walked to the door, and opened it, revealing a man who was a little shorter than Till, his hair was a dark brown, he was clean cut, and had blue eyes, that shimmered in the morning sun. His eyes widened at the sight of me, the blue orbs wandering over my body.

 "Did Till move or something?" He asked full of confusion, looking at the unit number on the wall. I shook my head, giggling lightly.

 "No no...I was just sleeping over." He raised his eyebrows. 

 "Well...Till's a very lu-." He stopped mid-sentence.

 "Guten Morgen!" Till's deep voice greeted. He walked towards the both of us. He had a face of pain, and my assumption was he had bone fever, which usually caused a lot of pain in the joints and muscles. Richard cringed slightly.

 "Ooo you sound terrible...We could reschedule if you want." Till leaned against the frame of the door, opposite of me, keeping a fair amount of space between us.

 "No no, it's alright. We were just about to make breakfast actually. Come in." Richard smiled, and walked in, I raised my eyebrows at Till. 

 "We?" I mumbled, closing the door. He shrugged.

 "It's not like I can't move...I can move." He reassured, walking by me slowly, like he was trying not to pull a muscle. I followed behind him, the both of us entering the kitchen. Richard was already sitting at the island.

 "What's your name by the way?" He asked, as I strolled by him.

 "It's Velouria." I replied, a small friendly smile on my face, grabbing a pan from the dish rack, handing it to Till.

 "Since you have it covered, I'm going to go take a quick shower." I informed, walking by Richard once again, his eyes following me this time, as I walked out of the kitchen, leaving his gaze.

 ------

 I limped over to the fridge, hearing the shower turn on. i let out a small sigh, pulling out the carton of eggs, placing them on the counter that was the closest to me. 

 "So! Is she your new girlfriend?" Richard asked out of the blue. I stopped for a moment, contemplating my answer. If I told him that I liked her he might tell her. So I kept the answer to a minimum 

 "No...She's just a friend." I took one egg out, cracking it on the side of the bowl, letting the yolk drop into the bowl. I threw the shell into the garbage.

 "She's very pretty." He commented. _Of course he was attracted to her. He was attracted to every single woman that had a beating heart._ I cracked yet another egg, a piece of the shell falling into the bowl. 

 "Yeah...She is." The agreement slipped out of my mouth without even thinking. I took the egg shell out of the bowl flicking it into the sink.

 "So...You're interested....I guess I'll stay away from that." He murmured under his breath. _He better._ I cracked yet another egg into the bowl.

 "She's also seventeen...So we both kind of have to stay away from that." I muttered under my breath, taking a fork out of one of the drawers, placing it beside the bowl. I guess he didn't hear me because the conversation fell silent, which was good. I let out a small sigh, cracking one more egg into the bowl before returning the carton into the fridge. I lifted the fork quickly whisking the eggs together, adding some salt in it before putting the pan onto the stove top.

 "So...You know how Christoph, Oliver and I are working on that project?" I took the butter out of the fridge, putting a slice of it onto the pan, the sizzling ringing through my ears. I looked over my shoulder, directly at him.

 "Mmhmm." I replied, unfazed by him bringing this up again. I lifted the bowl, pouring the eggs into the pan, taking a wooden spoon out of the drawer, stirring the eggs back and forth. 

 "We need a singer...And-" I raised my free hand signalling him to stop.

 "I don't sing." I informed, lying through my teeth. I heard him chuckle.

 "Bullshit. I've overheard you before, and you can write also! Come on, our music with your voice would go so well together, you know it will!" He exclaimed, I shook my head, still stirring the eggs as they started to chunk together.

 "I'm not comfortable with being stared at, and you know that...If I'm the lead singer then everyone's eyes will be on me." I shot back. He groaned.

 "Once you're up there you'll completely forget that people are staring at you!" He assured. I grabbed another bowl, putting the eggs into it gently. 

 "I said no." I murmured, taking some toast out of the bread holder. I placed them into the toaster, pushing them down. I turned around to face him, leaning against the counter for some sort of support. 

 "Fine." He groaned in frustration. I could hear the bathroom door open, and the pitter patter of damp feet walking across the hardwood coming towards the kitchen. Velouria poke her head in, her short, dark brown, and damp hair hanging over her eye, she flashed a small smile, and took a seat beside Richard. 

 "Need help?" She asked, offering kindly. I shook my head.

 "Just waiting for the toast." I replied, picking up the bag of coffee beans, pouring them into the coffee machine, setting it to brew. From behind me Richard started up a conversation with her.

 "High school? Wow. You look much older." He complimented. I could feel myself get defensive, but had to remind myself that I'm not dating her, and nor do I have a chance. I think I was just jealous that Richard was able to flirt so freely without making a fool out of himself, and I couldn't, or at least I thought I couldn't, maybe I was just too self conscious to try.

 "Yeah...Till thought the same thing when we first met..I take it as a compliment." She said, her laugh ringing through my ears, my heart fluttering at the sound of it. The toast popped up causing a major heart attack to occur interrupting my eargasm. I clutched my chest, and took the lightly browned bread out of the toaster, placing it onto the plate in a neat pile beside the eggs. I put another round of toast in, and let out a sigh, hearing them getting into an even deeper discussion about what she wants to do after high school. _The jealousy is real._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update this story! I was busy with Engel. Hope you guys enjoyed it, I'm really trying to find a good balance, so bear with me :).


	6. Drunk

 After the day Richard came over Till's fever only got worse. He took shelter on the couch, as I did the usual duties that he would've probably done if he wasn't sick. He started to develop a cough as well, which made me worry even more, since it was quite a heavy, phlegm filled cough, which sounded like it hurt whenever it happened. He would have a blanket on him when we watched TV, and every couple of minutes he would throw it off because of how hot he was, and then would beg for it to be put back on him. I began to become fed up with his refusal of taking any sort of medication, so I took it upon myself to go and get it for him. The early morning air was cold and chilly, so I wore a large sweater that was from my school, and a pair of black shorts, just in case it got hot when I was making my way back. The walk wasn't too bad, it was around six in the morning so there wasn't a lot of people out and about at that time. The pharmacy just opened as well, so there was only the employees there.

 "Guten Morgen!" I greeted the pharmacist happily, as I walked up to the counter. The young woman smiled back.

 "Guten Morgen, how may I help you?" She asked kindly, her dark blue eyes scanning me, like she was trying to figure out if I was the one that was sick or not.

 "One of my friends, he's a little sick, he has a high fever, bone pains, and has a really bad cough." She turned around looking at the array of medication that was behind her. her hand under her chin, she walked over to the wall, bringing down some cough syrup, placing it on the counter in front of me. I lifted it up, looking at the box, seeing that it also took care of fevers as well.

 "Bone pains are usually caused by past injuries, so it will probably go away on it's own, but this might help him a lot." I smiled, taking my wallet out of the front pocket of my sweater. She entered the price into the cash register.

 "That will be seven thirty." I took out the money, giving her exact change. She bagged the medicine in a white paper bag, and handed it to me.

 "Tschüss." I waved, walking away from her, going down the isle where the cough drops were. I looked around the section, picking up a few, and reading the back, looking at the flavors and such. I grabbed a few bags of cherry cough drops, and went to the front counter, placing them in front of the frowning employee. She quickly scanned the items, dropping them into the thin white bag, I paid for the items, and grabbed the bag off the counter, putting the medication in it as well. I left the pharmacy, and went back to Till's house immediately, unlocking the door. I tip toed in, closing it behind me. I kicked off my shoes, looking over at the couch, seeing Felix and Fritz lounging on a sleeping Till. I smirked, placing the medicine on the coffee table, putting my hand on his forehead to check his temperature. He let out a groan.

 "Your hands are freezing!" He croaked, I opened the bag and took out the medicine. His eyes slowly fluttered open, the dark blue orbs staring down the box.

 "You bought me medicine?" I nodded, taking off the child proof cap, turning it over so it would make a cup for him instead of me going to grab a spoon. I poured the purplish blue liquid into the cap, handing it over to him. He cringed, moving back from it, like a child.

 "Till...You need it. It'll make you feel better." I insisted, moving the cap closer to his face. His blue eyes stared at me, begging for me to not force the medicine on him. I frowned, my eyes pleading with him. He sighed, and leaned up a little bit, taking the cap out of my hand, holding it between his fairly large fingers. He made one more look of disgust and drank the medicine, shivering a little at the taste. He handed it back to me, and laid back down. I smiled, and twisted the cap back on the bottle. 

 "I'm going to make some toast. Do you want any?" I asked, he lulled his head to the side, and opened his eyes yet again, his stomach growling loudly.

 "Yes...That would be good," He replied letting out a small, almost painful laugh. I got up from the couch, and walked into the kitchen, the cats following closely behind, probably hungry as well. I took out the cat food cans, cracking two of them open, placing them down on the ground so the both of them can eat. After that I took out some toast bread and placed it in the toaster, pushing it down so it can begin the toasting process. I walked back out into the living room, moving Till's legs so I could take a seat on the couch. He turned over, facing the back of the couch. _I was worried about him, especially because he wasn't acting the same since he was sick._ I ran my hand up and down his leg.

 "You alright?" I asked lightly, he shivered.

 "I need the blanket, I'm freezing." He stuttered. I reached over to one of the lounging chairs, and handed him the crochet blanket. He cuddled into the blanket, shaking under it. I was about to say something to him, but all of the sudden the toast popped up nearly giving me a heart attack. I got up and went back to the kitchen taking the toast out and placed them onto two separate plates, making my way back to the living room, seeing that Till was already sitting up, with the blanket over his shoulders. I sat beside him, handing the plate to him. He grabbed the slightly burnt piece of toast, taking a small nibble of it, immediately wincing as he swallowed the piece of toast. We sat there watching the news in complete silence, slowly eating our toast. I grabbed the blanket that was over is shoulders and put it around my own, moving closer to him. We both continued to eat, until both our pieces were finished. I was about to grab his plate and put both of them in the sink, but my actions were interrupted by a small knock on the door. Till took the plates out of my hands, and slowly pushed himself up, holding the blanket around him with his other hand.

 "I'll wash them...I need to walk around anyways." I nodded, making my way to the door to answer it. I unlocked it, pulled it open, seeing Richard on the other side. He had a small smile on his face, leaning against the frame of the door. 

 "Hey." I greeted happily. 

 "Hey. You're just the person that I was looking for!" He exclaimed, I raised my eyebrows, and smirked, crossing my arms over my chest.

 "Oh really? And why is that?" I asked curiously. He let out a small sigh, gazing down at my sweater then back up at me.

 "I was wondering if you wanted to go out drinking with me and a couple of friends?" I was a little caught off guard by his question, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion, looking behind me to see if Till was coming to the door, which he wasn't.

 "Like...Tonight?" He smirked and nodded. 

 "Till's kind of sick...I don't th-." I couldn't finish my sentence.

 "He's a thirty year old man, he's mature enough to handle a little fever." He interjected, laughing probably at how much I cared about Till. I bit the side of my cheek contemplating my answer. _Richard had a point about Till being mature enough to handle himself, he was an adult after all._

 "Alright..." Immediately a large smile appeared on his face.

 "Where and what time?" I asked, he shook his head.

 "Don't worry! I'll come pick you up." He informed. I smiled at him and gave him a small nod, uncrossing my arms.

 "I guess I'll see you tonight then." I said, confirming with him in a way, so I could fully understand what was happening.

 "Yep." He replied happily.

 "See you later." He added, I gave him a large smile, and nodded, saying the same to him, before closing the door behind me. I placed my back against it, letting out a squeal of excitement. My heart was racing at a hundred beats per minute, it was like I was going to have a heart attack at the thought of tonight. Till poked his head out from the kitchen and looked at me with confusion. I composed myself immediately, and stood up straight under his stare.

 "Oh no! Continue being excited. Don't tell me who you just spoke to." He said sarcastically, leaning against the frame of the kitchen entrance. I contemplated whether or not I should tell him. Maybe he actually wouldn't care, he was sick after all, he probably doesn't want to go out either way, so he might give slight leeway.

 "Richard just asked me if I wanted to go out with him and a couple of his friends drinking." I replied honestly. His face became unreadable to me, I've never seen this sort of reaction that Till showed. It was like a mixture of slight offence, anger, and something else that I couldn't put my finger on.

 "And what did you say?" He pressed further, tearing his gaze from me, looking down at the ground. I let out a small sigh.

 "Well...I said yes." I muttered under my breath, keeping my eyes on him, from a distance I could see that he was a little hurt that I didn't say no I guess. I felt bad instantly.

 "I mean...I can tell him that I forgot about some plans or something." I suggested. He shook his head, moving back a little like he was going to go back into the kitchen.

 "It's fine...You have fun." He sounded like he was trying to not have a problem with it. He ended the conversation, by walking into the kitchen. I followed him, not wanting to end the discussion.

 "Why are you so bothered by me going out with him? It's just a couple of drinks." I claimed, leaning against the counter, watching him dry the plates that he just washed.

 "Yeah. Just a couple of drinks, with Richard and friends." He scoffed. I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest.

 "The man is twenty six, and he's hitting on you if you haven't noticed. The only thing that is on that guys mind is sex!" He shared angrily. I tried to hold back laughter, but that was unsuccessful.

 "Oh really!? And you're different how?" I asked raising my eyebrows. He threw the dish cloth down on the counter and turned around shooting me a hostile glare.

 "I'm just trying to look out for you, that's all! You're my friend, and you're young, I just don't want you getting hurt." He said, between clenched teeth. I sighed.

 "Well thanks for looking out for me...But I know how to take care of myself and not get hurt." I replied, pushing myself off the counter, stomping out of the kitchen, leaving the conversation, so it didn't get any worse than it already was.

 ------

 Evening fell upon us quickly, the day consisted of Till and I basically ignoring each other, with the exception of me asking him how he was feeling, since he was still sick. His replies were just one worded, a yes or a no, and if I pressed further he wouldn't continue the conversation. I was expecting Richard to come soon, so I took a quick shower, and went to Till's room where I had a couple of my washed dresses. I changed into a loose red dress that didn't expose too much skin, and had to be zipped up. Sadly I couldn't get it up completely, unless I wanted to break my arm, so I had to resort to Till. I shuffled out of the room, into the living room where Till absently stared at the television. 

 "Till?" I said softly, snapping him out of his trance. He glanced over at me, his eyes roaming over my dress, his mouth opening just a little bit, before his gaze caught mine.

 "Do you mind zipping my dress the rest of the way up?" I asked quietly. He reluctantly nodded, and got up slowly, motioning for me to turn around. My back faced him, as my fingertips found the end of my dress. I pulled it down slightly, so it went just a little below my knees, which was where it was supposed to fall. A small wave of air brushed over my back, as I felt Till take the zipper between his fingers, pulling it up slowly. I stood there, listening to the familiar sound of zipping, until it reached the top. I felt him let the zipper go, and heard him sit back down on the couch. I turned around and gave him a small kind smile, opening my mouth to thank him, but was interrupted by a knock on the door. Till's eyes moved to the door, his mouth forming into a small frown. I made my way to the entrance, pulling on my Converse.

 "I will be back by twelve...So don't worry." I informed, opening the door, feeling a wave of guilt washing over me, as I stepped out giving Richard a smile, closing it behind me. He bit his lip, his eyes observing what I was wearing. 

 "You look stunning." He commented, while we walked to his car. He opened the door for me, the scent of heavy cologne running through my nose. I sat down on the passenger seat, and buckled in my seat belt, fixing my dress. He stepped in.

 "How did Till react when he said you were coming out with me?" He asked, as he backed up out of the drive way.

 "Eh...He was alright with it." I lied, looking straight ahead, seeing Till faintly through the window, laying on the sofa, with his eyes closed. 

 "Oh...Well...That means I was right about him being mature enough to take care of himself." He joked, turning onto the street. He put the car into drive, and pressed on the gas, the vehicle moving forward. The drive wasn't long, it was around ten minutes, probably twenty if we were walking. He parked on the side of the bar, and took the keys out of the ignition, exiting the car. He came around to my side, helping me out of the car, and closing the door behind me. I followed him into the bar, shockingly not getting carded by any of the employees. We made our way through the crowds of people, I have to say that it was quite packed for a Thursday night. Richard placed his hand on another mans back. From behind he was really tall, even taller than Till shockingly, he was also bald. The man turned around looking at Richard, smirking. 

 "So you are finally here!" He said, laughing. Richard nodded, motioning me to come over. 

 "Velouria this is Oliver, Oliver this is Velouria." He introduced, I held my hand out, and he shook it, giving a kind smile to me. It felt like I had to break my neck to look up at him. He let it go, and dropped his hand to his side.

 "We will have four shots of vodka please." Richard ordered, speaking kindly to the bartender. Another man came over, his short brown hair pushed back, kind of a similar style to Richards. His eyes glanced over at me then at Richard.

 "Who's this?" His voice was smooth, and slightly deep. 

 "I'm Velouria, Richard's friend." I held my hand out. He glanced down and smiled, his large hand wrapping around mine, shaking my hand.

 "I'm Christoph, Richard's drummer." I raised my eyebrows, glancing over my shoulder, at Richard who noticed what he said.

 "You have a band?" I asked, walking over to the bar, Christoph following behind me. The four shots arrived, and Richard slid one over to me.

 "Till didn't mention it to you?" He questioned, raising the shot at all of us, we did it back, as I tilted my head back and let the burning alcohol run down my throat, warming my chest. I gulped, placing the small shot glass on the counter. 

 "No. He didn't mention anything." I murmured, Richard tapped his shot glass on the bar, indicating the bar tender that we wanted another round.

 "Is he in this band?" I asked curiously, Richard laughed loudly.

 "No. I want him in it though...He would be amazing." He closed his eyes like he was daydreaming about it, but was quickly interrupted by the bartender putting down another round of vodka shots. We clinked the glasses together, and gulped down another shot. The burning sensation running through my chest. 

 "How do you know Till?" Christoph asked quietly. I turned around, hearing Richard tap for another round yet again.

 "She's staying at his house for a little bit..." Richard answered for me. Christoph and Oliver raised their eyebrows.

 "Are you sure we're talking about the Till that's all shy and reclusive?" Oliver questioned, laughing lightly. I nodded.

 "We're just friends though." I mentioned quickly, as the bartender placed the next round on the bar. We continued talking, and taking shots for the duration of the time, Christoph didn't have the third round, cause he offered to be the designated driver. By the end of the night our brains were definitely fuzzy, and clouded, and even though I was drunk I was still aware of the time. Richard and I got into the back of the car, and Christoph and Oliver sat in the front. We were laughing about something that Oliver said, but we pretty much forgot about what it was because of how drunk we actually were. 

 ------

 I sat on the couch watching the news, as they debated about whether bringing down the wall was the best choice or not, when the bright headlights of Richard's car shined through the window. I peered over the television, seeing Richard lean over and kiss Velouria. I felt the jealousy rise in me, and I couldn't hide it. I wanted to be him in that moment, her arm wrapped around my neck, her hand resting on my cheek, her soft touch tracing over my skin, my arms wrapped around her body, pulling her to me. _This is so wrong._ She pulled away and said something, both of them laughing together. He gave her one more peck, before she exited the car, stumbling up the stairs of the patio. I got up and limped over to the door, helping her into the house. She reeked of vodka.

 "Buddy!' She slurred, as I put her arm over my shoulders. She tripped, dropping onto her knees. She laughed loudly, even though it sounded so painful that they would probably be bruised in the morning. I shook my head at her giggling, and wrapped my arms around her thin figure, lifting her up off the ground. She squealed, laughing even harder than before. I rolled my eyes, bringing her to my bedroom, and placed her feet onto the ground.

 "Get some sleep please for the love of God!" I begged. She stumbled over to the bed, lifting her dress up, trying to get it off. I rolled my eyes, and walked over to her, bringing her arms down. She groaned in frustration, as I walked around her and unzipped her dress. She shook it off and let it fall to the ground. I looked up at the ceiling, trying to not look at her undergarments, while she turned around to face me.

 "Why are you so good to me?" She said, in a barely coherent voice. I shook my head.

 "I don't know. I should ask myself that more often." I commented, helping her under the covers. I pulled them up to her neck and sighed, walking to the door.

 "Thank you Tilly." She whispered, passing out slowly.

 "You're welcome...As usual." I replied, in slight frustration and annoyance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! Tell me your thoughts about it, I would love to hear them! I'll update soon lovelies. <3


	7. Time Of My Life

 I could feel my head pounding, my whole head was sore, and I felt like I was going to vomit because of all the pain. I struggled to open my eyes, my gaze was directed to the ceiling of Till's room. I let out a long drawn out groan. I placed my hand on my forehead. Out of nowhere the door opened, my eyes tracing over to the entrance. Till had a glass of water in his hand, as he walked over to me, and took a seat on the edge of the bed. 

 "I'm glad you're feeling like shit." He murmured, handing me an Advil, and the glass of water. I quickly popped the tablet into my mouth, and washed it down with the cold water. His eyes scanned over me, as I placed the glass down on the bedside table, feeling cool air rush over my back. Immediately I thought the worst, realizing that I didn't have my dress on. 

 "What did I do last night?" I asked, throwing myself back down on the bed. 

 "You didn't do anything, you were just acting like a complete and utter idiot." He muttered, getting up from the bed, picking up my red dress off the ground, and folded it up, placing it onto the top of the dresser. 

 "Sorry if I was a bother to you." I apologized. I could see his hard, defensive face, turn soft, like he was fading into the same Till that I knew. He leaned against the wooden dresser and sighed. 

 "It's fine...At least you got home safely." I noticed that he wasn't looking all that sick anymore, his face had a nice natural tone on his cheeks, I would assume that the medication worked. 

 "How was it anyways?" He asked, my thoughts went back to last night before I got out of the car, when Richard pulled me in for that kiss. I definitely know that I shouldn't mention that to him. I took my brain off that memory, remembering what Christoph said about the whole band shindig. 

 "Well...It was pretty good, from what I can remember. Christoph, Richard, and Oliver have a band...Do you know anything about it?" I asked, acting like I didn't know anything about it. He shot a glance over at me, and rolled his eyes. 

 "Yeah, he mentioned it." He replied lazily, like he couldn't care less. 

 "They're looking for a singer." I informed casually. He opened up the top drawer of the dresser, pulling out one of his baggy shirts, throwing it over to me.

 "Yeah, too bad I don't sing." I pulled the shirt over my head, getting up from the bed, nearly falling onto my own face, because of how dizzy I was feeling. Instantly Till put his arm out, catching me before I fell. 

 "I've heard you though, and you're really good." I admitted, as he helped me balance myself out. Immediately he turned red, like he had been caught in a crime or something. 

 "I think you might still be drunk." He commented, trying to play it off. I shook my head.

 "It's not just me who said you were a good singer. Richard also agreed with me." I rebutted, he crossed his muscular arms over his chest.

 "Did he say that before or after he kissed you?" He asked, trying to change the subject. I was slightly caught off guard by the accusation. 

 "Before, why does that even matter?! We are talking about you right now!" I exclaimed. I still answered his question anyways. 

 "It matters because I could say I told you so!" He shot back. It was like he was a child sometimes, a thirty year old child. 

 "You didn't tell me fuck all Till! It's not like we had sex, it was a little kiss for the love of god, and how did you even know that happened?" I asked, kind of offended by his immaturity. 

 "If you guys weren't in the car with Christoph and Oliver it probably would've went further...I'm only trying to look out for you Velouria." I sarcastically laughed at his statement.

 "Do you think I'm easy or something?" I asked seriously. He paused for a minute, realizing how his sentences were sounding to me..

 "No! That's not what I meant Velouria. You're just going after the wrong person." He answered. 

 "What do you mean I'm going after the wrong person?" I pressed. He turned even redder than before.

 "He's a twenty six year old that can't control himself, you're seventeen, and vulnerable. I just don't want you to get hurt." He states. My heart warms slightly at his comment, beating a little harder than before, I pushed the feeling into the back of my mind though. 

 "I can assure you that I won't get hurt." I could see a disappointed look in his eye, like he didn't get the answer that he wanted, but I ignored it. 

 "Now back to the original subject...Give me one good reason why you don't want to be in this band." I ordered, crossing my arms over my chest, mirroring his actions. His face turned an even deeper red, not answering the question. 

 "Well then...Since you don't have an answer, the next time I see Richard I'll tell him you're in the band." I informed happily, walking by him, making my way towards the kitchen. He followed behind me.

 "No! Velouria you already know why I don't want to do this." He objected. I turned around and raised my eyebrows, waiting for him to provide me an answer.

 "I want to hear you say it...For pay back." He let out a frustrated sigh.

 "I'm embarrassed. You already know I'm scared to get up and perform in front of people...Hell I can't even talk to you without becoming like this." He exclaimed, motioning to his face. I gave him a small shrug and opened up the fridge.

 "I think we could fix that." I replied, bending down to take out the carton of eggs. He began to cough uncontrollably, like he was chocking on something. I glared over the fridge and put the eggs down on the counter.

 "You alright?" I asked, fairly concerned. He clutched his chest, as he composed himself, and nodded rapidly.

 "I um...I need to go to the bathroom." Without another word, he ran off, leaving me in complete and utter confusion, as I began to cook up some breakfast for the both of us.

 -------

 I didn't mean to glance at her backside, I really didn't. My gaze just went down to it, and my body... _Reacted,_ I guess. I flushed the toilet, walking over to the sink. I turned the taps, putting my hands under the warm water, looking at myself in the mirror.

 "Get a hold of yourself Till...She's seventeen. Do not be like Richard." I warned myself, pointing at my reflection, accidentally getting a few droplets of water on the mirror. I turned the taps off, and grabbed the bath towel, and dried my hands off, still looking at myself, feeling slightly disgusted. I leaned forward wiping off the water. and hung the towel back up, closing the light before exiting the washroom. The scent of scrambled eggs flowed through my nose, my stomach growling in hunger. I walked over to the kitchen seeing her stirring the eggs with the spatula, the baggy shirt flowing with her movements. I tore my eyes off her, and tip toed over to the coffee maker. Turning it on, as well as the radio, the sound of Bill Medley erupting through the speakers. She glanced over at me, letting out a small chuckle. 

 "This only reminds me of that stupid scene in Dirty Dancing...It's the most cheesiest song in the world...And don't even get me started about the dance." She joked, scooping the eggs into a bowl. 

 "What's wrong with the dance?" I asked genuinely curious, as the song slowly started to build up to the first chorus. She placed the eggs onto the island, my eyes following her, she turned back around.

 "I mean...It just seems physically impossible for a man to lift a girl up over his head, and hold her there for a good ten seconds, without her falling forwards onto her face, or without him dropping her immediately." I raised my eyebrows at how blunt she sounded. 

 "Bet you I could do it." She squinted at me, like she was contemplating the offer.

 "How much?" I kept my eyes on hers as I thought about it. 

 "If I catch you...You owe me ten euros and you're washing the dishes...If I drop you though..." I had to think about what I would owe her. 

 "If you drop me...Then you will have to show me some of your poetry." I shrugged and gave a small nod and shook her hand, knowing that I would probably be able to do the lift correctly. 

 "Deal." I replied, picking up the portable stereo, walking into the living room. She followed behind me, stopping at the front door. I placed the radio on the table, and stood there for a moment, before crouching a little. 

 "Alright...You have those euros ready?" I joked, she shook her head, shaking her legs out.

 "Don't need to have them ready...I'm gonna win this thing." I held my hands out in front of me. She smirked at me, seeing that I was prepared. She gave a small hop and ran towards me, the shirt bounding up and down with her legs, her red underwear peaking out from beneath it. I got so distracted that when her body came in contact with my hands I almost forgot to pick her up. I lifted her up quickly, my eyes following up to her face, as she put her arms out like a bird, I kept her balanced shockingly. I kept her up there for a couple of seconds, then decided that I proved my point and brought her down slowly. Her chest slowly dragged down mine, her shirt riding up slightly. She kept her eyes on mine, her face was so close to mine I think that I could've felt her breath brush across my lips. I felt the air hitch in my throat, seeing her green eyes scanning over mine. She placed her hands on my shoulders, my eyes scanning over the freckles that were splattered on her nose. _You can't, no matter how much you like her, you can't betray Richard... **Even though he betrayed you by going after her?** No matter how how mad I am about that...I would rather her be happy, and she's probably happier with him. _Her eyes still scanned mine, the beautiful green orbs moving around my face. I could feel my cheeks heat up. my heart beating out of my chest, and I think I could feel her's doing the same. A small smile was on her lips, her teeth glistening in the natural light. I gulped, thinking that my mind was going to change at any moment. The intense stare down was interrupted by a heavy knock on the door, which made both her and I flinch at the noise. I put her down instantly, looking over out the window of the living room, seeing Richard with a pair of shoes in one hand, and a lit cigarette in the other.

 "Maybe you should get the door...I'm going to go put on a pair of shorts and...Eat." She stuttered, walking into the hallway leading to my room. I shook my head, tearing my gaze off her, as I strolled over to the front door, unlocking it. I pulled it open, a loud creek accompanying the movement of the door. Richard blew out some of the grey smoke, which invaded my airways, warming my lungs. He looked like he just woke up, and had a heavy duty hangover, similar to the one that Velouria had when she got up. He held her shoes up.

 "She took them off last night and left them in the back of my car." I grabbed them out of his hands and placed them down on the ground.

 "Guess it was a fun night then?" I said sarcastically, crossing my arms over my chest, a fake smile appearing on my face.

 "Yeah it was great! You should come out with us next time, since you've made a recovery." He pointed out, his gaze pulling away from me, a large smile coming up on his face. I followed his gaze seeing Velouria coming out of the hallway in a pair of black shorts, returning a small smile to Richard. 

 "Ahh Frau Guten Morgen." He greeted, as she walked towards him, I took this as a cue to leave them alone, knowing that they probably wanted to talk alone together. I walked to the kitchen, picking up a spoonful of cold eggs, putting them into a separate plate, taking a seat on the stool. Listening to her laughter from the other room, getting slightly jealous as I shoveled the eggs into my mouth, chewing them angrily. My hand clenching around the fork. I could hear them whispering but I couldn't make out the words, which only left me with frustration and jealousy flowing through my veins.

 ------

 "I really enjoyed last night." He whispered, his hands resting on my waist. I smiled up at him, swaying back and forth, our eyes fixated on each other. I leaned up giving him a quick peck on the lips.

 "I did too." He bit his lower lip, smirking at my agreeance.

 "Well maybe we should do it again tonight, this time we could bring Till along with us. He'll probably come if you ask." He put emphasis on the word you. I guess he was making an assumption that Till had a soft spot for me, which deep down inside, I knew that it was the case. I nodded.

 "Sure I'll ask...I'm assuming you'll be picking us up again around the same time as last night?" His blue eyes scanned over mine, a small smile still on his lips.

 "Yep. I'll see you tonight," He leaned in, his soft lips touching mine. Our breathing halted for a few seconds as we were trapped in the lustful side of the kiss, I was the one to pull away, remembering that Till was in the kitchen.

 "See you tonight." I replied, while he backed away, making his way down the porch steps to his car. I closed the door, skipping over to the kitchen, seeing Till angrily shoving a forkful of eggs into his mouth like a hungry animal. I grabbed a spare plate, taking a seat at the island in front of him. I put one leg over the other, raising my eyebrows at him. I took the edge of the bowl in my hands and put a scoop of eggs onto my plate. 

 "You're coming out with us today." I informed, he looked up from his plate.

 "Won't I be intruding on you and your little boyfriends date?" A sardonic expression coming up on his face. I rolled my eyes.

 "No you won't be. Christoph and Oliver will be there, just like last night..." I explained, as he stabbed a large piece of scrambled egg, which caused me to flinch slightly. 

 "I would really like you to come." I added, his gaze was back down on his plate, thinking about his reply. 

 "Please." I whispered under my breath, almost begging him, because I genuinely wanted him to be there tonight. He let out a long drawn out breath.

 "Fine." He mumbled, giving up on the argument that was probably going to ensue if he didn't answer with a fine. 

 "Good. Richard will be here to get us around the same time as last night." I said excitedly.

 "I didn't say that I would have fun though, so don't bother me about that, I'm only coming to keep an eye on you." He informed, his eyes glimpsing up at my reaction. I was a little surprised by this sentence, but I nodded, understanding what he was saying. 

 "This is going to be a great night!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it was such a short update, it's just because the next chapter is going to be extra long. I would love to hear your thoughts on the chapter. Hope you guys enjoyed it. :) :). I will update as soon as I can :) :)


	8. Honesty

 The day consisted of us watching reruns of Derrick, and eating, which seemed like an ideal summer day to me. The bright sun began to go down soon enough, indicating that it was time for the both of us to start getting ready for the night ahead of us. I was the first one to get up from the couch.

 "I'm going to go take a quick shower." I informed him, as his eyes followed me. I could feel them burning into my back as I walked toward the hallway that led to the bathroom. My hands going down to the hem of my shirt, pulling it over my head, the cool air of the house hitting my back, causing chills to rush up and down my spine. I entered the bathroom, turning on the light, seeing my reflection in the mirror immediately, as I folded up the shirt and placed it on the counter, right beside the sink, closing the door behind me. I pushed my hair out of my face, shimmying the shorts off of my legs, folding them as well, letting them join the shirt. I shuffled over to the shower, turning both taps on, the water spraying into the bathtub. I checked the temperature with the palm of my hand, letting it run down my arm. I smiled at the warmth of it, unhooking my bra, and taking off my underwear, putting them on top of the shirt and shorts. I stepped into the shower, the water running over the crevices of my body, hanging my head, making sure to get my hair wet, before applying a generous amount of shampoo into my hair, lathering it into every strand. I could say that my mind began to slip into the depths of deep thought, _deep shower thoughts._ Maybe Till liked me, and that was the reason that he was acting so sour, and closed off from me lately. Or maybe I was just being a complete idiot, and was overthinking, creating theories in my mind to give Till a valid reason for acting like an asshole. I don't think that he likes me in the way that I am thinking, I think he just wants to be a friend, and protect me, like any normal friend. The only thing that my mind was going back to though was that position that we were in this morning, my face so close to his, his hot breath brushing over my face, just thinking about it made me regret that I didn't do anything, even if it was going to ruin the friendship. _God sometimes I wish I could just curl up into a ball and disappear._ I rinsed the soap out of my hair, grabbing some of the body shampoo, lathering it into my skin. _You should've done something._ I turned around, staring at the wall as the water ran down my chest. I quickly finished up my shower, grabbing one of the bath towels that were beside the shower, and stepped out onto the tiled floor, wrapping the towel around myself. I shuffled to the fogged up mirror, and wiped some of the condensation off with my hand, catching my reflection. I clutched the towel against my chest, rubbing a few drops of water off my cheeks with the back of my hand. I pushed my hair back, taking a hair tie off my wrist, tying it into a small, mini bun so it wouldn't drip everywhere. I took one last glance at myself before picking up my clothes, and opening the door, stepping out into the hallway. I turned off the light before making my way to Till's room, pushing open the door, just as Till was pulling his shirt on, his muscular back being covered. He turned around, adverting his gaze right when he noticed that I was in a towel. 

 "Um...Sorry." He murmured, scratching the back of his neck, making his way out the door, without looking at me. I entered the room, closing the door behind me. I went to the dresser, taking out a pair of underwear from the bottom drawer where I put my stuff, and placed them onto the bed, digging into my small pile of dresses that I had. I decided on a dark blue, flowy strapless dress, and took out a strapless bra to go along with it, so I don't expose myself if my dress decides to slide down. I took off my towel, pulling on my red underwear and hooked on my dark blue bra. I unzipped the back of the strapless dress, bringing it up from the ground, holding it against my chest with one hand as I reached the other one behind me, pulling it up to about halfway. 

 "Till! I need you to help zip my dress again!" I shouted. I leaned against the door frame, holding the dress against my chest still. I heard the couch squeak, and saw his shadow, making his way towards the hall. His walking was similar to a stomp, _something must've gotten him a little mad._ I turned around, when he got a little closer. I felt his fingers take the small zipper in between his fingers, pulling it up to the top quickly, then a gust of wind hit my back. I glanced over my shoulder, seeing that he was gone. I frowned to myself, and took out the bun on top of my head, letting my naturally wavy, short hair, freely flow down, over my eye. I fluffed my hair a little, a knock on the door interrupting my next actions. _Must be Richard._ Till answered the door, greeting him kindly. 

 "Ready for a fun night?!" Richard asked, over enthusiastically. I smiled at his voice, and walked down the hall, pulling my shoes on.

 "Definitely." I replied, Till turned his head towards me, and let out a small sigh.

 "Yep...Totally." Sarcasm laced his voice, as he bend down and tied his shoes. Richard's eyes trailed over to me, shining brightly. A small smirk danced across my lips, as Till stood back up and walked out the door. I followed behind him, closing the door, using the spare key to lock it. Richards arm went over my waist, but immediately I pushed it off.

 "Not in front of Till." I warned, he gave me a confused look. 

 "Why?" I raised my eyebrows at this question. 

 "Because I don't want him to get pissed off...He doesn't like the whole boyfriend thing." I explained under my breath. 

 "Well he should get used to it. You are _my_ girlfriend after all." He mentioned. I took his hand into mine.

 "I get it...But not around him...Okay?" He frowned, and gave a small nod, putting his arms to the side, as I walked away from him and got into the back of the car with Till, who was staring out the window. I buckled in my seat belt, preparing myself for a tense ride to the bar. Richard got into the drivers seat, and turned on the car, backing up out of the driveway. I kept my eyes glued to Till the whole ride, I just didn't have my head turned completely towards him. it was just out of the corner of my eye. He looked very melancholic, and the dramatic lighting that shined upon the side of his face. It was around twenty minutes to drive to the bar that Richard chose, which wasn't the same as the one from last night. He parked the car, and all three of us got out of it in unison, making our way to the entrance. We met Christoph and Oliver at the back, like we did last night, they were a little caught off guard that Till was there.

 "Hey stranger! Haven't seen you in a while." Christoph greeted, a smile plastered on his face. I gave him a small wave, and he returned one back to me. 

 "Yes it has." He answered quietly, while Richard ordered a round of beers. Oliver and I both stood there awkwardly, listening to Till and Christoph's conversation, which was also quite awkward. The female bartender placed the beers on the counter, immediately all of us went to the bar, grabbing a glass each. I felt Richard hand gently rest on my lower back, my body instantly tensing at his touch, as he took a large gulp of the golden yellow beer. My gaze traced over to Till, seeing that he was just sitting on one of the bar stools, staring at his glass that was already half empty. _I didn't really think Till was a heavy drinker, so this definitely made me worried._ I felt Richards hand move down to grip my butt, causing me to take a quick sip of my beer to cover up the redness that danced across my face from the sudden touch.

"I like when you turn red like that." He whispered into my ear. I shivered at his breath running down my neck, but realized that it was a fairly public place, and that he shouldn't be doing this in the particular moment, especially after I told him to not do any of these things in front of Till.  I proceeded to take his hand off, placing it to his side, as I watched Till call the bartender over.

 "Does he usually drink this much?" I asked, glancing up at Richard. who seemed a little bothered by me taking his hand off my ass, I kept my eyes glued to his, waiting for an answer. He let out a small sigh, deciding to give me an answer.

 "Yeah sometimes. He doesn't get too drunk, he knows his limits. You don't have to be worried about him though. I've told you this before, he's thirty, he's an adult. He can take care of himself." He stated bluntly.

 "Yeah I get that, but I shall remind you that I need to go home with him at the end of the night...I don't want him to be so drunk that I would have to carry him to his room." I shot back, taking a sip of my beer, the yeasty taste burning my taste buds slightly. 

 "I could always just stay over?" He offered, a small, devilish smirk coming up on his face. I gave him a deadpanned look, raising my eyebrows at it, because it was like he was completely ignoring everything I was saying. I placed the beer glass on the bar and took his face between my hands gently, so he was looking at me completely.

 "Not a good idea." I commented, while shaking his head from side to side, so he would understand my reply. Once again, a small frown appeared on his face, but I could see some sort of comprehension in his eyes. 

 "Alright...Fine." He muttered, which made me let go of his face, and grab my beer again.

 "Now I'm going to go check up on him." I informed, walking away from Richard, taking a seat beside Till, who now had a beer, and a shot of whiskey beside it. He glanced over at me out of the corner of his eye, while he took a large sip of beer, he closed his eyes just a little bit, then chased it down with the shot of whiskey My mouth hung open in shock.

 "Till. Pace yourself for the love of God." He let out a loud belch, and turned his body to me.

 "Shouldn't you be with your handsy boyfriend?" He seethed, his eyes full of frustration. Instantly I went red, assuming that he saw what Richard did. 

 "I'm just checking up on you." I mumbled. His expression didn't soften, it just became a little more intense.

 "I don't need you to check up on me. Now go back to your boyfriend." He spat back, bitterly. _I've never seen Till act this way before, and I was so caught off guard._

"Listen...Just because you didn't want to come tonight, does not mean that you have a right to bring everyone else down Till, can you at least try to have some fun?" I asked. He turned back to the bar, gulping down the other half of his second beer. 

 "Sure." He mumbled, his voice did not sound assuring, but I knew that he just wanted me to go away. I got up off the stool, grabbed my beer yet again, and left the bar, nearly hitting arms with Christoph in the process. 

 "So...How is the big old grump?" Richard asked, motioning to Till. _How could he call him old, when he was only four years younger than him?_

"He's alright...I guess he's just mean when he drinks." I shrugged, taking a sip of the beer. 

 "Or maybe he just didn't want to come, maybe he just came cause you said you wanted him to." He theorized. 

 "Yeah...Maybe, but the least he can do is try to have fun." I complained. Richard put his arm around me.

 "Don't let him ruin our fun tonight." His hand moved up and down my waist, as I took another sip of beer, trying to shield the redness that slowly came up on my nose and cheeks. 

 "He won't ruin anything I would just prefer if he was having fun instead of sulking." Richard let out a small frustrated sigh.

 "Just let him be that way tonight...You can take care of his attitude in the morning." He whispered against my ear, as his lips met my neck. I let out a small gasp. 

 "Not here Richard." I breathed. He kissed back up to my ear.

 "Wanna take it to the car then?" _The car? No. It's been two days. Moving too fast. **Maybe he was just trying to get sex from me, but like I said to Till I'm not easy.**_

__ "No...We should just take it slow Richard." I mentioned, his lips immediately left my neck. I instantly thought that he was going to just leave me or something, but he didn't.

 "Yeah...You're right." He admitted, and took his hand off from around my waist. I finished my beer and went back for another. The night was loud, and busy, and as soon as I hit the third beer and Till was already on his sixth, with four whiskey shots that were already done, it was definitely an indication to call it a night. Christoph was the designated driver as usual, and this time Richard sat in the passenger seat, and Oliver was between a drunk Till, and a slightly sober me. I looked at the clock on the dashboard, which read 3:21 in the morning, that only meant that it was a Saturday, _the official start to the last weekend before school._ The drive was way longer than twenty minutes since there was a lot of traffic, but at least we made it back to Till's. Christoph drove up the driveway, putting the car in park, Oliver and I unbuckled our seat belts, and went to Till's side of the car, opening up the door, he fell out sightly, but sat up immediately, adverting his gaze from the both of us. Oliver reached over him and unbuckled his seat belt, grabbing his arm. We both took one arm over our shoulders, and got him out, he let out a low mangled groan, as he stumbled, and moved back and forth, completely drunk. 

 "Good night Richard." I called out, he rolled down the window.

 "Good night Vel. See you soon." He replied. I gave him a thumbs up, because in my own mind I really couldn't put words together. We went up the stairs of the porch, and I took out the spare key, unlocking the door quickly. I pushed it open, both Oliver and I dragging Till into the house, who was now looking directly at me. We got to his room and threw him onto the bed, his feet planted on the ground. Oliver let out a long, tired sigh.

 "Will you be able to handle him for the night?" I nodded.

 "Yeah...I think I got it." I replied, taking my shoes off, putting them under the bed. 

 "Alright then. Have a good night." I smiled.

 "You too." He gave me a smile back, and wobbled out of the room, closing the door behind him. Till let out a long, exhausted groan.

 "So loud!" He exclaimed, putting his face into the duvet. I bent down to take off his shoes, and shockingly I didn't get kicked in the face. I put the shoes beside mine, and sighed, pulling my dress down since his face was in the mattress and chances are he was passed out as well due to the alcohol. I picked it up off the ground, folding it over my arm, placing it onto the dresser, grabbing one of Till's spare shirts, that was hanging. I pulled it over my head, letting it fall over my lanky body, shoving my hands under the shirt, undoing my strapless bra, putting it into the top drawer of the dresser. I turned back around seeing Till still in the same position, breathing heavily against the comforter. I couldn't help but laugh a little, as I hooked my arms under his pushing him up a little.

 "Stop...You're tickling me." He giggled. swiping my hands off him. He crawled to the top and withdrew the blanket, taking his shirt off in the process, throwing it onto the ground. He got under the blanket pulling it up to his neck, releasing a small relaxed sigh. _Well all my work was done._ I went to walk out, but Till's booming voice rang through my ears, halting me.

 "Can you stay?" I glanced over my shoulder, staring directly at him, his blue eyes shined within the dim light that the small lamp provided. 

 "Till...I've got a boyfriend." I voiced. A cheerless expression appeared on his face, breaking my heart slightly. I rethought my answer.

 "Okay...Fine, but I'm staying on top of the covers...No funny business." I warned, walking out of the room to go grab one of the spare blankets, and two pillows off the couch. Making my way back to his bedroom, he was turned on his side, facing the doorway, his eyes were wide open, like he was waiting for me. I walked over to the bed, putting the pillow between us. I climbed onto the bed, throwing the spare blanket on myself. I faced him, my arm supporting my head. His blue eyes were glazed over, looking over my face sleepily, yet he didn't say anything. 

 "You should read some of my poetry." He slurred, pointing to the desk behind him. I raised my eyebrows.

 "You're really drunk Till." I muttered. He waved it off with his hand.

 "Nonsense...I give permission." Slurring the words yet again. I let out a sigh and got up, walking to the desk, grabbing one of the leather journals. I returned to my spot under the spare blanket, and opened it up to the most recent page. _Hässlich_ it read, which meant ugly. My eyes traced over the words. 

 "Oh, because no one can see, under my hideous face, beats a beautiful heart. Oh, woe, take my wild fury from the flesh-sea of my greedy lust, the ship has still not traveled. Oh God, touch me. Spit your heavenly cascade over my enchanted visage, then for you I would pray. Oh God, make me beautiful. I would oil the Bible and lick the flies on the cross, feasting upon the filth of angels . I would gift my soul to you, for a little grace on my visage. So that I may use it for my lust, so that I may seduce the enchanting, the lovely nymphs who only look upon their equals....G-give me this- and f-forgive me, because- I want it all." The poem was heart breaking, and reading it out loud just made it worse, seeing the side of Till that I always knew was there, being so prominent in this writing was so sad. I looked up from the journal, noticing that Till's cheek was glistening, the whites of his eyes completely blood shot. The atmosphere around us was so silent I think you could hear the cats purring from the living room. He glanced down, and took the book out of his hands, putting it down on the ground.

 "Is that what you think about yourself?" I croaked, he didn't look at me, he just wiped the wet spots off his cheeks, as he answered.

 "I mean...Isn't that what everyone thinks of me? I'm the scary thirty year old, who has all these scars, and has a low self esteem...You probably even think that way." He whispered. I shook my head at the slight accusation.

 "I don't think that way at all Till." He hung his head.

 "But Richard does...It's not like I didn't hear him call me a big old grump." I stared at him, as another set of tears fell from his eyes. I reached up, brushing his hair back with my hand.

 "What Richard says doesn't matter. He was just drunk...Just like you right now..." He gasped for some air, since he was trying to calm down. I continued to moved my hand over his hair, as he leaned into it and closed his eyes. I rested my hand on his cheek for a few seconds before doing the same motion again, slowly calming him.

 "Yesterday...When you...You were drunk...You asked me why I was so good to you...But...I should be asking you that question. I've...I've been so bitt-" I hushed him.

 "Just relax Till. You just need some rest...It's going to be a rude awakening in the morning." He opened his eyes.

 "I don't want to sleep...Because I know that in the morning I won't be the same." He said in a saddened tone, slurring a few words. A faint frown appeared on my face.

 "...You know sleep is the best thing to have when you're drunk." I recommended. He shook his head against my hand in refusal. I sighed, giving up the argument. _In all honesty, after reading that poem, I really didn't want to sleep._ I pulled the spare blanket up to my neck, my eyes scanning over his watery ones.

 "If you want to stay up then...Is there anything interesting you are going to tell me to keep me awake?" I murmured against the blanket, my hand running down his slightly stubbly cheek, then all the way back up to his hair, I could see him contemplating, as he turned onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, my hand leaving the side of his hair, now resting over his chest. 

 "When...I was in sports school...They used to pump us full of chemical cocktails...Similar to steroids...Only a little worse. It only made these scars on my face worse...I...I remember my dad saying to me that the woman that will take me as her husband will either be blind, or ugly as well...And every time...Every time I see a woman, I get so scared that they're looking at me, and saying things similar to that, and sometimes I think that you...Might be thinking that." He whispered honestly. Another tear slipped out of the corner of his eye, and I could feel my throat tighten, feeling his sadness through his words. _I could see how much it hurt him._

"I'm sorry that you had to go through that Till." I croaked. He shook his head. 

 "It's bad to say...But I've grown accustomed to it..." I closed my eyes, resting them for a few moments as he spoke, but caught myself drifting slowly.

 ------

 "And I will never understand wh-..." A light snore caught my attention, stopping me in mid-sentence. I turned my head to the side, seeing Velouria had fallen asleep. _So much for staying up._ I could feel my eyes run over her face, the dark scattered freckles splattered all across her pale face, her eyes slightly puffy, possibly from holding back tears, which I never meant to cause. I glanced down at her arm, tracing my eyes to her hand that hung limp. I reached my right hand up, taking her ice cold hand into mine, letting my fingers intertwine with hers, shifting onto my side, so I was facing her yet again, our hands entangled within the space between us. I think I might've laid there for two hours, just observing her, _which sounds creepy._ How her shoulders raised when she inhaled, and dropped when she exhaled. Her nose would twitch every once in a while as well...I tried to find a flaw within her, but to me...In my own eyes, she was flawless. She was also forbidden from me, and just that thought could've kept me awake, but my brain was crying out for sleep, and so I took my hand out from hers, keeping my arm against hers though, and gave into the fatigue, drifting into darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh...Yes. New chapter! I hope you guys enjoyed it. What do you guys think about these new developments? I would love to hear your thoughts as usual! An update is coming in a day or two <3


	9. Specialty Achievement

 Birds chirped outside the window, slowly bringing me out of my sleep. My eyes fluttered open, looking around the room which was naturally lit by the clouded sky. My eyes adjusted to the light, and my body became aware of my surroundings. I began to remember the events of last night, _or this morning if you want to get technical._ Till crying, being an emotional wreck, that poem....All different thoughts ran through my mind in that moment. My eyes trailed over to Till's face. He was sound asleep, without a bother in the world, his arm thrown on top of mine. I looked at his fairly large hand, dragging my thumb across the back of it. He didn't flinch or move a muscle. I intertwined my fingers with his, taking in the feeling of his palm against mine, the warmth engulfing my usual cold hand limply. His hand tightened around mine, causing me to flinch at the sudden movements, as he leaned forward and gently placed his forehead on my chest, small pieces of his hair tickling my neck. I put my chin on top of his head, breathing in the scent of alcohol that radiated off of him from the prior night. I stayed in that position for a few moments, my thumb dragging across the back of his hand like a feather. He began to do the same, in my own mind I forgot about Richard, and even though I was a little guilty about it I think we both needed the comfort, especially after the emotional events of last night. He moved back slightly.

 "I better go throw up in the toilet before I accidentally do it here." He murmured, rolling off the bed, quickly rushing out the bedroom, towards the washroom. I shuffled to the side that Till was on, and grabbed the journal that he put on the ground last night. I opened it up to the first page, hoping that he wouldn't get angry if I read another poem of his. _Messer,_ or knife in English.

 "The dead sea within my flesh, gave birth to a harbor. Every day, at the same time, it lays down my punishment with a dying galley, the lark with a white bonnet. I would kill for her company, But she has a beak like a griffin's and a grip as sharp as that of scissors. She raises an anchor and will sing, and with a fine blade she will cut my little boat of paper in two. Screaming towards colder waters; it sinks, and no one sings with me, and thus I have a fear of knives. The little boat bleeds out from the mast, into the breast of Grandmother, and when the sun shines in her night, someone is there to weep with her. We drift coldly across the showers of the eye, full of hunger within heavy casks; she cuts deep into me to devour me, and thus I have a fear of knives. And when the sun shines in my night- there is no one there to weep with me." There was a sense of loneliness in his poems, but oddly they were beautiful, even though they came from a dark place in his mind. I brought the blanket up to my neck, putting my arms over the blanket, still holding the book. I skipped a couple of pages, the word _Bald, or "Soon",_ came up, scrawled across the page. Immediately my senses went into overdrive. I began to read it. 

 "The sun will go down. I shall stand outside your window, I hear the birds in me sing, the evening will bring me good. Your cold..." I paused, my heart beginning to race. I gulped, taking in a breath before I continued reading it.

 "Your cold flesh comes to me. Oh, come here, you cold thing! Please be bloodless in appearance only, I'll soon shoot fire within your bones. Live slow; but die fast. Outside it is slowly becoming light, I knot my own stiffened veins around your icy tendons. It does you good; it's fun for you The meat is hot; the lager is cold, the bird, oiled and pale, lies for warmth within your grass."  I let the book rest on my chest as I stated up at the ceiling.  _It's not about you, you're completely mistaken. It isn't about you Velouria._ I could hear the shower turn on, causing me to let out a small sigh. I closed the book and slowly got up from the bed, quickly placing the journal down on his desk. _Richard really needed him in the band, and I am really going to push it on him._ I walked over to the bathroom, kicking open the door basically. 

 "You really have to join Richard's band!" I exclaimed, hearing a yelp from Till.

 "Jesus Christ Velouria don't fucking scare me like that!" I laughed at his reaction, hoisting myself up onto the bathroom sink. 

 "And no, I'm not joining the band! I'm shy, scared and fearful of being embarrassed. You know that." He explained, spitting out some water. I rolled my eyes.

 "Come on Till! It's no secret that you can write, and your writing is beautiful, and from what I've heard you can sing...How about you do a jam session with them!" I suggested, earning a small groan of reluctance.

 "Just once, and if you don't like it you will never have to do it again." I offered. He moved the shower curtain slightly, poking his head out to look at me. His blue eyes squinting at me. I stared back, squinting as well, not being able to hold back a small laugh though. He rolled his eyes, and sighed.

 "Fine! I give up...I'll give it a try." He murmured, closing the shower curtain. I hopped off the counter in excitement, letting out a squeal.

 "Finally!" I beamed, leaving the bathroom with an abundance of happiness flowing through me. It was shocking that he finally said yes, I guess all the pandering finally got to him. I felt completely achieved, so achieved, that I was in the mood to make my specialty pancakes, even tho I had a little dizziness from the prior night, _I think I would still be able to pull them off._ I walked into the kitchen, picking up a frying pan from the dish rack, placing it on the stove top. I glanced over at the radio, turning it on, and raising the volume, Alice Coopers No More Mr Nice Guy blasting through the speakers. I dropped a slice of butter into the pan, turning on the burner. I grabbed an empty bowl, and the buttermilk pancake mix, pouring the premixed batter, adding some milk into the mix, stirring it up until it was a nice smooth consistency. I bobbed my head from side to side, moving to the rhythm of the music, as I poured some of the batter into the hot pan, listening to it sizzle loudly. I picked up the spatula, starting at the slightly misshaped pancake, my stomach rumbling at the sight. 

 "Someone's hungry." Till joked. Immediately causing me to jump up into the air, placing my hand on the center of my chest. His laugh rumbling through my ears. I could see his eyes running over the shirt that I was wearing, slowly adverting his gaze, almost prying it off of my image. I bit my lower lip, turning back to the pancake, flipping it over onto the other side. 

 "So...What are you up to today?" I asked, dusting off the awkward, and tension filled silence. 

 "Well Anja is bringing Marie Louise over. I have her for the weekend, so I'll be watching her tonight...What about you?" I slid the pancake off the pan, putting it into the plate, putting more batter onto it immediately. I gave him a small shrug.

 "Probably stay here with you." I mentioned, smirking to myself. 

 "Not going out with Richard?" I glanced over my shoulder, giving him another shrug.

 "Guess not. He hasn't called or anything." I replied, flipping the pancake over. 

 "Chances are he's gonna come over here and ask you to go out again with the guys...It is a Saturday after all." He added. Silence over took the conversation once again, as I finished cooking the rest of the pancakes. I turned around, placing the filled plate onto the island. Till immediately picked one up, taking a fairly large bite of it, letting out a moan of satisfaction.

 "Great as usual." He complimented, shoving the rest of the pancake into his mouth. I smirked at his puffed up cheeks. _Kinda similar to a squirrel._ He blushed a little under my gaze, dryly swallowing the contents. 

 "I'll make some coffee." I informed, turning back tot he counter, a little knock coming from the door. I glimpsed over my shoulder briefly to Till who was already up and out of the kitchen. I turned the coffee maker on, listening to the front door creeping open. 

 "There's my bundle of joy." Till exclaimed, all of the sudden the baby began crying, followed by small hush coming from Till.

 "Always decides to cry when I'm holding her...Um would you like to come in? Have some coffee?" _Fuck sake._ I quickly hopped to the laundry room that was attached to the kitchen, quickly pulling a pair of tights on. 

 "Sure! That'll be good, I've got a busy day ahead of me." She exclaimed, the door closing. The babies cries came closer and closer to the kitchen. The coffee maker beeped loudly, as I made my way out of the laundry room. 

 "Anja, this is my friend Velouria, she's been staying with me for a little bit." Till shouted over the babies crying. I gave the young woman a small wave, her eyes scanning over me. She had a very kind smile on her face, her hair framing her face nicely. She waved back.

 "Hi. It's nice to meet you." She greeted, holding out her hand, I gave it a quick shake, then went to the fridge pulling out the cream and milk, placing it on the island. The baby continued to cry loudly.

 "Here I'll take her." I offered, walking over to a frowning Till. He handed her off to me, Anja's eyes watching me carefully. Marie Louise slowly started to calm down, descending from her sobbing, Anja glanced over at Till.

 "Impressive." I smirked, feeling a little bit of drool seep through my shirt. They both poured themselves a cup of coffee.

 "She really is. I can never seem to calm her down...Yet when Velouria holds her, she just stops." Till explains, taking a sip of the black coffee. Anja smirked. Marie Louise fell asleep soon after, and Anja left after her cup of coffee, leaving us alone. I took a pancake off the plate, taking a little nibble of it, as I adjusted my arm a little bit. 

 "She's good with you more than me...She probably thinks I'm a monster." He commented, slurping his coffee. I raised my eyebrows at him. 

 "She's a baby Till..." I whispered, as he picked up a pancake. His facial expression made it look like he was being serious about that claim. 

 "Wait...You don't actually think that she thinks that way right?" He shrugged.

 "She'll probably end up thinking that when she grows up." I took a large, angry bite out of my pancake. 

 "She will not think that Till...I'll prove it to you. Come here." I motioned for him to come to my side of the island. He released a small sigh, shuffling over to me. His eyes scanned over mine, as I slowly held the baby out to him, gently placing her into his arms. _No crying._ He slowly lifted her, smiling brightly.

 "See. She's okay." I placed my on her back, Till laughed lightly, pointing at my shoulder.

 "Sporting some baby drool." I smirked, looking the dark wet stain. He went to put his hand back to were it was before, and rested it on top of mine, his large, calloused and warm hand engulfing mine. 

"I-I-It's your shirt...So I don't really care if I'm sporting the drool." I felt my face go red, as I struggled to articulate my words to him. He blushed as well, the both of us in complete and utter shyness in that moment. I moved a little closer to him, feeling warmth radiating from his body, his eyes followed me. _I wanted to kiss him, just forget about Richard and suffer the consequences later._ Guilt settled in slowly at my thoughts that were betraying me. _I am a faithful woman...I can't do that to him._ His gaze was still on mine, like he was reading my thoughts. I slowly slipped my hand out from under his, my heart cracking inch by inch, losing my chance. Till was about to say something, being interrupted by his landline ringing from his bedroom. He paused, letting out a frustrated sigh as he made his way down the hall. I followed behind him, while he walked into the room and picked up the phone, I leaned against the frame.

 "Hallo?" His voice was quiet, yet I could still feel the deep bass in my chest and I was a at least a couple of feet away from him. There was a moment of silence. Then Till replied.

 "Yeah, she's right here, I'll put her on." He looked over at me, holding the phone out. A small confused expression appeared on my face instantly. He raised his eyebrows and mouthed 'Richard'. I sighed, walking over to him, taking the phone out of his hands. 

 "Hallo Richard." I greeted happily, watching Till walk out of the room, with all his focus on Marie Louise. 

 "Hallo Frau...What are you up to tonight?" He sounded tired, and run down, probably from the prior night of excessive drinking. I looked towards the doorway, thinking about my answer.

 "Um...I don't think I'm doing anything. Why?" I pressed, a small smile coming up on my lips. 

 "I was thinking that maybe we could go out on a date, just me and you tonight...Would that be okay with you?" I smiled brightly, twirling the wire around my finger.

 "Yes. That would be great with me." I exclaimed, I heard small laughter coming from Richard's end.

 "I'll pick you up at seven." He informed, my heart beating out of my chest in excitement.

 "Yeah, that'll be great. See you then." I reassured.

 "Bye Liebe." I hung the phone onto the hook, letting out a small sigh, calming myself down from the small burst of excitement that Richard created. I looked at the drool spot on my shoulder, deciding to take a shower instead of leaving it to last minute. I pried off the shirt, placing it into the hamper, before sliding my tights down my legs, folding them up for a later time since I only wore them for a couple of hours. I grabbed one of the towels on the dresser, wrapping it around myself before stepping out into the hallway.

 "What did Richard want?" Till's voice echoed, I held my towel tightly.

 "He want's to take me out to dinner tonight." I whispered, staring at his sour expression.

 "Well that's great." He murmured. 

 ------

 I really wanted to just curl up into a ball and melt into the sofa. It was just the fact that she was going to kiss me before that phone rang, and of course it was the person that put me into the situation of covering up my feelings in the first place. Richard knows what he's doing is wrong. He knows that I want her. He knows that I am hopelessly falling for her, and I'm not able to do anything about it, I can't just grip onto something and stop. I wanted her to be happy though, and from what I observed from last night...He makes her happy. If she ever broke up with him, and decided to go for me...I'm not the type of material to provide someone happiness. So in all honesty, I don't know why I was dawning on it. Marie Louise let out a little whimper, causing me to tense up all of the sudden, she adjusted her head a little, I was expecting her to cry, but thankfully she didn't. I took a seat on the couch, staring at the blank television screen. 

 "Why can't love be uncomplicated?" I questioned aloud, leaning my head back slightly so I was able to stare up at the ceiling, letting out a little groan of frustration. _Tonight was going to be a night of self loathing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry the chapter is a little short, I just wanted to get something out, next chapter is going to be a long one! I've got some big news...I have released yet another story called Feuer und Wesser, I would love for you guys to read it, and give me your opinions on it! It would be greatly appreciated! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'll update soon <3


	10. Remains

 The night consisted of me watching Marie Louise until she permanently fell asleep for the night, and watching some sort of confusing crime show that I couldn't really follow because I was so distracted by the time, growing more and more nervous because Velouria wasn't back yet. She had been out since seven, and the clock was inching closer and closer to twelve forty five. I know she was out with Richard and shit, but usually she would probably be home by now. I know Richard's a safe guy and stuff but I would rather have the comfort of her being here instead of her being out with him, jealousy or not. My thoughts were quickly interrupted by Velouria walking into the house, not dressed in the short, lacy, black gown that she had on when she left the house. She now sported tight black leggings and a baggy sweatshirt, her hair looked tousled and in all honesty, she looked really pale, as if she had seen a ghost. Her green eyes were blood shot and very puffy, like she had been crying. Immediately I got concerned.

 "Velouria...Are you alright?" I asked, slowly standing up from the couch as she slowly slipped off her Converse, putting them to the side. All she did to reply to me was give a small nod, walking by, making her way towards my room, limping slightly, like she was in pain. I waited a few minutes before following her, just so she was able to have a little bit of space before I completely invaded it. I tip toed over to the closed door, placing a gentle knock on it prior to entering. She was already curled up under the heavy blankets of my bed, her back facing me, I could see that she was in fetal position, like she was trying to warm herself up. I quietly walked over to her, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at the bundle under the covers.

 "Vel...What's wrong?" She didn't say anything, I could only hear her light breaths hitting the sheets that were wrapped around her. I slowly laid down beside her, knowing that something was really bothering her now. She was never like this, and my mind wasn't putting anything together. I stared at her back, watching her shoulders rise and fall, her breathing seemed slightly uneven, and unusual.

 "Till?" Her soft, gentle voice called. 

 "Yeah?" I replied instantly. She turned over to face me. Her eyes didn't look into mine, her gaze was angled downwards, avoiding my stare.

 "What was your first time like?" _Richard had sex with her? What a fucking little shit bag son of a bitch. **Maybe she wasn't asking about the first time that I was thinking about...Hopefully she wasn't.**_

__ "Um...What do you mean?" I questioned, raising my eyebrows a little bit.

 "I mean what was it like when you had sex." She confirmed my suspicions bluntly. I blinked, a little caught off guard by her reply.

 "Well...It was in a hayloft when I was sixteen, so I guess you could say that it was a little uncomfortable. Why are you asking? Did you and Richar-." I couldn't finish my sentence without her quickly interrupting my assumptions.

 "No. We didn't." A small sense of relief washed over me, but it still didn't give me a reason as to why she was crying...Or at least why she looked like she was crying. 

 "Then why are your eyes all red and puffy?" Her eyes gazed up at me, her green pupils hazed with sadness and anguish. I was about to place my hand on her cheek, causing her to move back immediately. My concern only grew, knowing that she wasn't acting the same. 

 "Just drop it Till." She murmured, but I wasn't going to back down that easily, and she knew it.

 "You were the one that brought up the topic of sex...Was Richard trying to force you to do something that you didn't want to do?" She dropped her head and shook it slowly.

 "Velouria...Did h-." Once again I couldn't finish my sentence,

 "Till it has nothing to do with Richard, so please just shut up." She exclaimed, her voice cracking like she was on the brink of bursting into tears. My brain couldn't make the connection to just leave it alone, so I pressed her even more for answers.

 "Vel...Tell me what happened." Her eyes teared up, my heart slowly sinking, as my thoughts raced around in my head. She was shaking, trying to catch her breath, tears sliding down her cheeks.

 "Promise you won't get mad at me?" She croaked. I reached up, wiping the tears off her face, seeing how emotionally distraught she was.

 "I promise." I replied honestly, intertwining my fingers between hers, engulfing her child size hand in mine. She pulled her hand away and moved back, turning over so she wasn't facing me.

 "Richard dropped me off at my house, so I could get changed out of that stupid dress...He had to get back home because something was going on at home..." She paused for a moment, and took in a shaky breath, before continuing her story.

 "I was going to call you...But I felt like I was going to be a b-b-bother to you...So I didn't. Once I got changed and everything I began to make my way back here...I knew a s-s-short cut through the park, and I had taken it a few times b-before...I-I..." She began to sob loudly, I stayed silent, knowing that she didn't want to be touched right now, judging by the fact that she was pulling away from me. I heard her sniffle, and compose herself enough to continue her explanation, 

 "I...I was walking, and...I felt like I was being followed, but I knew I was close to your house...But then...Then I was grabbed, and p-p-pulled into a heavily wooded area of the park. Before I could scream a hand was clamped over my mouth, and I knew that n-n-no one would be able to hear me." My heart stopped in that moment, realizing what happened to her. She cried a little harder, her sobs becoming louder and louder, as she gasped for air. 

 "T-T-Then I...I was trying to get away, I could see the lights of the r-r-road and I w-w-was so close to getting out...I couldn't though...The man was just so fucking s-s-strong and I couldn't get away from him...Then he forced h-h-himself o-." She couldn't finish her sentence, her sobbing taking over, holding her back from explaining the gritty details of the encounter. An overwhelming feeling of guilt and blame washed over me knowing that this could've been prevented if I wasn't so bitter about her dating Richard. She would've called to ask me to pick her up, and I would've went and gotten her, but because of the way I was acting she thought that she would be a bother to me, so she didn't call. Immediately my brain raced to what we could do, and the only thing I could think of was going to the hospital to get her checked out. 

 "Velouria...We should go to the hospital." Instantly I heard her objections, her sobs filling the room loudly. I reached behind me grabbing my handheld phone off the hook, dialing Richard. I waited a few seconds, the phone ringing as they connected our call. Oliver answered sleepily.

 "Hallo?" He grumbled, like he had just woken up.

 "Oliver...Can you please come over and watch Marie Louise for me, I need to take Velouria to the hospital." I murmured into the phone so she couldn't really hear me. 

 "Yes...Wait what happened?" He asked hastily. I shook my head, knowing that I couldn't tell him right now.

 "I will tell you later, we will be gone by the time you get here, I hope, the key is under the carpet. Thanks Oliver." I replied quickly, hanging up the phone. I grabbed my car keys off the bedside table, putting them into my pocket. Her sobbing still rang through my ears like a broken record, every gasp she took my heart just cracked, breaking it more and more. I slowly got up from the bed and went over to her side, so I was right in front of her. Her lip quivered, her cheeks glistened with tears, and some of the makeup that she wore out tonight was smeared down her face in sloppy black streaks. 

 "Velouria...Look at me." I whispered, keeping my hands to myself, knowing that she didn't want to be touched. I could see the struggle that she was having, as she slowly opened her eyes, her sad stare connecting with my concerned one. 

 "I need to take you to the hospital...Okay?" I informed her gently, she shook her head immediately. 

 "I'm fine...I don't want to go." She whimpered, I could feel my throat tighten just at the sound of her voice, the sadness lacing her voice. 

 "Velouria...The man who did this needs to be caught..." I whispered, she stared at me, her green eyes scanning me, tears flowing down her face. She closed her eyes tightly, and bit her bottom lip.

 "What if he does it to other girls Velouria...You need to think about this..." She stared at me, and leaned forward.

 "Fine..." She murmured reluctantly as she was leaning up. I could hear her hiss loudly, as she brought herself back down onto the bed. This only made her cry even more out of frustration. I got up out of my crouching position.

 "I'm going to get some spare clothes for you, then I'll bring you to the car, just stay put." I informed her gently, walking over to the dresser, grabbing an Alice Cooper t-shirt that I had, as well as some black jogging bottoms, and a pair of plaid boxers, since they were loose enough to not cause any discomfort. I grabbed a bag, gently placing the pile of clothes into the bottom, putting it over my shoulder. I walked back over to her, crouching down yet again, noticing that her eyes were shut tight.

 "Are you able to walk?" I asked quietly, her eyes fluttered open at the sound of my voice, giving her head a small shake, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand.

 "I'm going to carry you to the car...Is that alright?" She took in a deep breath, and nodded. I slid my arms under her warm, slightly limp body, lifting her up. She rested her head against my chest, curling up against me, her cold body radiating through my shirt. I was so careful with her, knowing that if I was too rough she may be in more pain than she was already experiencing. I made my way to the front door, holding her against me with one arm as I put her shoes into the bag. I lifted myself back up, and slipped my feet into my shoes, making my way out the front door, closing it behind me after exiting. I felt her shiver against me, cuddling closer into me. I got to the car, holding her with one arm yet again as I pulled out the keys, unlocking it quickly. I placed Velouria down on the back seats, putting the bag on the floor beside her, hearing a little groan of pain escaping from between her lips. 

 "Sorry." I murmured, hoping that she was okay. I closed the door, noticing that Oliver was pulling up onto the boulevard. I gave him a small wave, and he gave me one back, it was barely seen through the windshield of his car. The headlights turned off, and he exited the car. His tall stature straightening out. I looked at him, worry in his eyes, as he made his way over to the car hastily. I glanced through the window, noticing Velouria curling up into fetal position again, facing the seats. Oliver leaned against the car, looking into the car as well.

 "What happened, why does she have to go to the hospital?" He asked, his voice filled with concern, glancing over at me. I kept my eyes glued to her, as she raised her hand and dragged it across the leather seat.

 "She's not feeling well." I lied through my teeth, thinking that she probably didn't want me to tell anyone about what actually happened. Oliver let out a sigh of relief. 

 "I thought something really bad happened...Anyways...Good luck, I hope she feels better." He said, giving me a little pat on my shoulder as he walked off, up the front porch to the door. I walked around the car, getting into the drivers seat, gently closing the door behind me. Looking into my review mirror, noticing that her back was still turned away from me. I gripped the steering wheel with my left hand, as I put the key into the ignition, turning it on. I looked in my review mirror, backing up, turning the wheel to go around Oliver's car without hitting it. I got onto the street, and we began our quick travel to the hospital. It was quite late now, the time being one thirty in the morning. For a Saturday night, _or Sunday morning,_ everyone was probably cooped up in the bars, _or raping young, vulnerable girls._ The thought made me grip the steering wheel in anger and frustration. _**Calm down Till, you need to just stay calm for Velouria's sake, you don't want her to see you angry like this, so just take a few breaths.**_ I took in a deep breath, rolling down the window to let in the fresh air of a late summer night, I felt my hair move with the wind, as I stopped at a red light, letting out a long sigh, while I placed my back onto the seat. I glimpsed up at the review mirror, seeing that Velouria was now turned over facing me, yet her eyes was closed, as if she was sleeping, or trying to cam herself down as well. The light turned green, causing my foot to gently step on the gas, moving us forward. I knew we were almost there, seeing the large white cross, with red behind it, shining over some of the buildings. I continuously looked at the mirror, checking if she was okay, if she fell asleep, _which she didn't._ I could tell she was still awake because of how tensed up she looked. I pulled into the parking lot of the hospital, getting a parking spot that was the closest to the emergency doors, hoping that this was an emergency to them, because for me it was. I put the car into park, and took my keys out of the ignition, putting them into my pocket again, before exiting the car, making my way to the back seat. I opened up the door, slinging the bag of spare clothes over my shoulder, Velouria turned over, laying on her back, her eyes fluttering open, looking up at the ceiling. I slid my arms under her yet again, slowly bringing her out of the car. She cuddled into me again, resting her head on my chest, feeling her tense up due to nervousness. I carried her into the hospital, the rushed atmosphere engulfing us, I felt her eyes staring into me as I went up to the front desk the secretary looking down at Velouria.

 "I would like to report a rape...She...I think she needs medical help." The woman looked up at me and nodded.

 "Just go wait over there, our sexual assault examiner will come and get her." She motioned to one of the chairs, in which I went over and sat down on. Velouria curled up against me, as I cradled her against me. She dug her face into my neck, her hot breath hitting my skin, a couple of tears dripping onto my shoulder. I rubbed her back slowly.

 "Don't cry...Everything will be alright Vel...Everything's going to be okay." I cooed. She shook her head, holding herself against me. 

 "I don't want to go in alone...I can't go in alone." She whispered against my neck. I held her even closer to me.

 "I won't let you...I promise." I murmured back into her ear. She wrapped her arms around my neck, holding me tightly, in the back of my head I was still blaming myself, knowing that this could've been preventable. I looked up a little noticing a slightly older lady walking towards us, immediately grabbing my attention. She gave me a small bleak smile, knowing the situation. 

 "Hello...I'm Anne, I'll be your nurse today." She introduced herself, causing Velouria to turn and look at her. I noticed a purple ring around her eye that was forming, something that I didn't notice before. 

 "If you would like to come into the examination room that is alright with me, it's very hard for young girls to go through something like this examination without any support." I gave her a small nod, and got up still holding Velouria against me, as Anne led us to one of the rooms. 

 "Okay...I'm going to ask you to take off your clothes and change into this gown, undergarments are a very important piece of evidence in these cases, especially because DNA could be found on it, so put every clothing item in this bag, and have each piece of clothing separated by a piece of this paper...I'll give you a few minutes to do that before we proceed." She instructed fairly professionally, like she had done this countless times before. She left us right after. giving us the instructions, the dead silence filling the room. I gently placed Velouria down on the examination table, letting her back lean against the wall behind her. I opened up the bag that Anne provided, holding it out as I looked up at the ceiling, ignoring her disrobing herself. _I knew that it was going to take quite some time,_ so I got my head into a comfy position looking at a drawing that a kid must've done. It was a nurse, drawn in a bright red, with a large, unnatural smile on her face. I kept my eyes on it, feeling something drop into the bag, and the rustling of thin paper to separate the clothing items. I didn't say anything the whole time, so the silence was definitely deafening. I don't know how long I was standing there holding the bag out, but when she tapped me to get my attention my neck ached with pain, so it must've been a while. She was now in the blue gown that was given to her, hunched over, her gaze on her lap. I didn't say anything, I just closed up the bag and put it on the counter, taking a seat next to the examination table, keeping my eyes locked on Velouria. I was about to open my mouth to say something...Literally anything, but Anne came back in, keeping me from saying anything, I could see her slide on some white medical gloves, instantly noticing Velouria tense up, her eyes shooting to where Anne stood. She didn't say anything, she just flashed a comforting smile, beginning to explain the check up, and the procedure.

 ------

 I laid on the examination table, wanting to tear my skin off, crawl out of it, and burn it. I felt like during that check up I broke Till's hand because of how much pain I was in. It was the only way I could project the pain, without making a noise. She collected a blood sample, some DNA evidence that the disgusting man left behind, and listened to me recounting the incident in heavy detail, she said that she needed everything that I could remember. I asked for Till to leave when I was telling her what happened since I didn't want him to hear what happened, knowing that he probably didn't want to hear anything anyways. Anne wrote notes down in the file, comforting me when I broke down crying, she recommended a therapist, and gave me a card before she left with all the evidence, closing the door behind her. I was going to assume that she was giving Till the down low on my injuries, and give him recommendations on how to give me some sort of 'support' during the recovery process. I changed into the spare clothes Till packed, my eyes glancing over at the clock, seeing that it had been three hours since we got there. _What a lengthy process._ I slowly tied the black jogging bottoms that were quite large and loose since they were Till's, pulling on the baggy t-shirt that he packed as well. I breathed in the scent that was left on the shirt from him, the minty scent running through my nose. I was about to bend down to pick up my shoes but a feeling of complete and utter pain threw me back into reality, I hissed loudly, leaning against the examination table. I took a few deep breaths, feeling tears brimming my eyes. A small knock came from the door, _just in time._

"Come in." Till opened the door slowly, poking his head in before entering the room. He put two and two together, seeing the shoes on the ground. Our eyes met.

 "You need some help?" He asked softly. I nodded, not really wanting to admit it aloud. He walked over, grabbing the left Converse, I lifted my foot, slipping it into the shoe, his large hands tying the delicate shoelace. He didn't make any conversation as he did this, and in all honesty, I wasn't in the mood to talk. I just wanted to go back to Till's house and take a shower as soon as possible to get this disgusting feeling off, _and out of me._ He pushed his hair out of his face, his blue eyes looking up at me.

 "Are you able to walk?" His voice full of concern, watching me carefully balance myself. I nodded, hoping that he would just stop pressing me for answers, yet he didn't.

 "Are you sure Vel?" I nodded once again, walking by him without saying a word. I had my hand against the wall, just in case I didn't fall or anything. I could feel Till following close behind, as the both of us walked to the car. _From now on...Everything was going to be different._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is about to change...O_O


	11. Aftermath

 The car ride back to Till's house consisted of him inquiring if I was alright or not, and complete silence, I wasn't in the mood to speak to Till, I wasn't in the mood to speak at all actually, no matter who it was. I just wanted to be in the comfort of a warm blanket, without a bother in the world. I know it's the worst thing possible to be alone at this time because I need 'emotional support', but the only thing I really needed right now was a scorching hot shower, and some alone time to compose my own thoughts and feelings. I picked at the graphic design on the t-shirt to distract myself from my thoughts, just so I didn't break down again in the car. The car came to a halt at a red light, giving Till a chance to sneak a few glances at me, I could feel his eyes boring into the side of my face, hoping that I would at least speak a word to him, but I didn't, I just kept my gaze on the t-shirt, ignoring him as much as I possibly could. I glanced up a bit, noticing his hands gripping the steering wheel a little tighter, _he was angry._ The traffic light shined a bright green into the car, the color covering my shirt. I felt the car slowly begin to move again, my eyes taking a quick peek at the time, _5:06._ I leaned back against the seat, hissing a little at the contact that my spine made with the back seat. I adjusted my position, trying to get somewhat comfortable, so I could possibly relax, but my muscles were so tense, it was like they were frozen in place, with no possible way of unfreezing them, _unless I had a scorching hot shower._ I closed my eyes tightly, having a small flashback to the incident that happened tonight... _The rape._ I felt disgusted with myself, my skin crawling at the thought of that vile man touching me, his hands entangled in my hair, pulling on it like he was going to rip it out of my scalp. The excruciating stinging that he caused when he hit me in the face because I tried to fight back. My ears could only remember the sound of the leaves crunching under me, and the sound of his skin slapping against mine with extreme anger. I shook my head, instantly wiping tears that flooded my eyes. I could tell Till looked over at me, and noticed what was going on, but he didn't say anything knowing that I didn't want to talk to him, or to anyone for that matter. I looked out the window, leaning my head against the cold glass, my breath fogging it up with each breath I took. Till pulled the car into the driveway, going around Oliver's car, parking the car in front of the garage. I glanced over at Till, seeing him turn the car off and lean back, letting out a long sigh, he sat there for a while, like he was composing himself in a way, before unbuckling his seat belt. I did the same, stepping out of the car slowly, Till came around the car, keeping his distance from me, closely observing my actions. I stood up straight, cracking my back, a small pinch of pain rushing through my bones. A groan escaped my lips, and began walking, following Till to the front door. I slowly climbed the stairs, steadying myself on the brick wall, Till glanced at me, a small concerned stare appearing on his face. I got onto the porch, standing behind him as he pulled out his key to unlock the front door. He pushed it open, and motioned for me to go in first, I gave him a small nod to thank him. When I stepped into the house I immediately made my way to the washroom, completely ignoring Oliver's presence. I kicked off my shoes as I turned on the bright white light of the bathroom, my eyes burning because of how sensitive they were from all that crying that was done. I pried off the t-shirt, bringing it up to my face, I took in a deep breath, Till's scent filling my senses. The minty, musky, almost natural smell drawing me in. It brought comfort to me. I folded the piece of clothing, placing it on the counter near the sink. I proceeded to take the jogging bottoms and boxer shorts off in one swift movement, attempting to ignore all the pain that rushed through the entire lower half of my body, being completely unsuccessful. My legs buckled and shook under me, my only saving grace being the counter that was beside me, so I could hold myself up before I fell to the ground. I pushed myself back up, seeing my reflection in the mirror in front of me. I looked drained, my eyes a blood shot red, the eye makeup I wore prior to the incident was smeared across my face. My eyes instantly noticed a purple ring forming around my eye, I went up to touch it, immediately pulling my hand back because of how raw and sore the bruise was. I let out an involuntary hiss, _how was I going to explain this to my dad?_ I placed my hand on the counter the cold porcelain, my eyes roaming over the rest of my body, weighing the injuries that were scattered. The bright red scratches scattered all over my skin, a bandage over one that Anne noticed was bleeding. I closed my eyes, tearing my gaze off of my reflection., turning around to face the shower. I stepped into the tub, twisting the tap, the hot water spraying out onto me, letting it burn away all the disgust, all the remains of the horrifying experience, but for some reason I found myself wishing that it could burn away all the pain and anguish that I was feeling.

  My body slowly gave into the temperature, the muscles relaxing, yet my mind and thoughts didn't. Everything began to play over in my mind like a broken record, over and over again. His breath running down my neck, his rough palms grazing my back, the pain, the searing pain ripping through me like I was going to be torn in two. The feeling of my happy spirit being broken in two, picked apart bit by bit, by the underlying darkness that I hadn't experience since the day my mother died. I was drowning in it, like quicksand, there was no escaping the bitter black goo of depression, and sadness, the terrifying feeling of anxiety replacing the calmness that came so naturally to me before. I backed up, grabbing the bottle of Till's shampoo, squeezing out into my hand, immediately lathering it onto my body, the cool temperature stinging my sensitive, and scraped flesh. I didn't even care though, nothing could be worse than the painful, and disgusting experience that I just went through only a few hours ago. I dragged my nails across my skin, beginning to scratch the soft, untouched flesh that I had on my arms. I felt tears weld up in my eyes, the hot water fogging around me, as if it was engulfing me in it's depths. I continued to scratch, the burning, almost euphoric sensation running through my body, like I was excreting every memory of the feeling of that man's touch on my skin. I cried, furiously dragging my nails down my arm, until the water went a light, almost rosy pink. I shivered, rubbing some of the shampoo on the now raw, and bleeding skin, letting out a shaky breath, _it was only going to be a temporary sting, something that could help me get through the day without thinking about the other pain that I was experiencing, physically, and emotionally._ I sunk down to the floor letting the water run over my curled up figure, letting the heat run through my bones, warming them to the core. I brought my knees up to my chest, hugging them against me, pain erupting through my lower half, reminding me of everything yet again. I glanced at my arm, seeing the self inflicted scratch marks, focusing on the slow trickle of blood that ran down the irritated skin. I began scratching once again, going over the skin with as much force that I could muster up. More blood began to flow down my skin, swirling around in the water, as it slowly made it's way towards the drain. I stopped the destruction before it went any further than it already has, putting my arm under the warm water, my eyes clenching shut at the harsh, uncomfortable feeling that flowed through it. I slowly stood back up, hearing a knock coming from the bathroom door.

 "Velouria...Are you alright, you've been in there for a while." Till voice asked, ringing with concern. _It didn't feel like I had been in here for a while, I guess time just went by so quickly that I didn't notice it._ I didn't want to answer him, it felt like my vocal cords had been torn out, like I lost the ability to speak. So I just gave him an indication that I was finished by turning off the water. The warmth leaving me, bringing me back to the cold reality of the real world. I looked down at my arm, thinking about a way to cover it, I found myself looking around the bathroom for a towel, I opened the bottom cabinets of the sink, not seeing an extra one there, although there was a face towel, which was something I could use at least. I grabbed it, placing it onto the counter, proceeding to stand up and grab my body towel, gently drying myself off, before wrapping it tightly around me. I picked up the face towel, draping it over my arm, then pressing it against me, making it look somewhat believable. I ignored myself in the mirror, and closed the light, taking a few deep breaths to calm myself down from the emotional state that I was in, before opening the door. My eyes slowly adjusted to the dim lighting, as I stepped out into the hallway, glancing from side to side. I could overhear Till and Oliver talking among themselves, it didn't seem like it was about me, so I had no reason to be concerned about it. I shuffled to the bedroom, entering the dark room. I decided to get dressed in the dark, choosing out whatever felt relatively comfortable, I also made sure that the shirt that I chose was long sleeved, or baggy, anything that was able to hide my self destruction. I pulled on the boxer shorts, finding the ones that I was wearing very comfortable, I completely disregarded the pants for that reason. I found a heavy sweatshirt, the familiar scent of Till's odor radiating off of it, luring me in. I slipped my arms through the baggy holes, popping my head out of the top, my raw arm dragging across the fluffy fabric that covered the inside. I hissed lightly, finally poking my hands out of the cuffs of the sweater. I let out a small sigh, making my way over the unmade bed, gently placing myself under the covers, pulling them up to my neck, the warmth engulfing me. I breathed in deeply, cuddling into the blankets, keeping my eyes glued to the wall. I laid there for a few moments, until an expected knock came from the door. _I already knew who it was._ I didn't answer, assuming that he would just walk in anyways, which he did. 

 "I um...Brought you some tea..." Till informed gently, closing the door behind him. His movements made the floor creak loudly under him. He came into my line of sight, his eyes meeting mine as he slowly placed the mug down on the bedside table. I sat up a little, the scent of sweet lemon, and tart blueberry flowing through my nostrils. I propped the pillow up behind me, leaning against the headboard of the bed, as Till grabbed his swivel chair from his desk, bringing it relatively close to my bedside. I reached out, wrapping my hand around the handle of the cup, my hands shaking. I could feel his eyes boring into the side of my face as I brought the cup up to my lips, letting the steam glide over my face. I closed my eyes, and tilted the cup, taking a small sip of the boiling hot liquid, the tarty taste dancing over my tongue. I leaned back against the pillow, my eyes roaming over to Till, who was staring at me intensely. I raised my eyebrows at him, our eyes meeting, He immediately tore his gaze from me, like he was unable to look at me in the eyes. I took another sip of the tea, now staring at the wall in front of me. Till cleared his throat, to clear the silence in the room. 

 "I want to say that I'm sorry." My eyes instantly went to him, the giant sitting before me, hunched over, looking down at his lap as if he had done something wrong. He looked up at me, I guess he saw the look of confusion on my face, glancing back down at the floor, before explaining himself. 

 "...I was so bitter, and self loathing...I made you feel like you were some sort of burden to me...All because I was jealous." I kept my eyes on him, _jealous? Of Richard? Why?_ He stared at his hands, trying to keep himself from looking back up at me. I couldn't continue to look at him like this, I couldn't let him blame himself, because it wasn't his fault at all, it was mine for overthinking, and being scared that I was going to be bothering him, especially because he would do anything to keep me safe. I placed the mug down, a light tap gaining his attention, his eyes watched me closely, as I moved myself forward, signalling him to come closer. Reluctantly he gave in, bringing his chair towards me. I brought my hands up to his face, the stubble on his cheeks grazing my palms. He closed his eyes tightly at the sudden contact, I slowly traced my thumbs under his eyes, noticing a small tear forming on the outer corner. He took in a shaky breath, a light flow of air hitting my face, because of how relatively close we were. I slid my hands down to his neck, wrapping my arms around him, bringing him into a hug, hoping that it would indicate some sort of forgiveness, even though he didn't need to be forgiven. Instantly his arms clung to me, pulling me closer to his muscular body. I felt a tear stain the sweater that I was in, as Till's heavy breath muffled against the fabric of the shirt.

 "I'm so sorry Velouria...I..." He couldn't finish his sentence, his whimpering broke my heart, hearing how devastated he was about the situation. I felt tears weld up in my own eyes, slowly releasing them, letting it stain his shirt as well. We could've sat there for hours, wrapped up in each others arms, crying, trying to recover. I pulled back slightly, wiping my cheeks, Till and I's gaze meeting again, his skin stained with tears, I brought my hand up to his face, drying the damp area with the tips of my fingers, I placed my forehead on his, the both of us closing our eyes almost at the same time, Our breathing was the only thing that was barely audible within the confines of the bedroom. Till kept his hand on my neck, his scent filling my senses. 

 "Velouria...Ich will nicht allein sein, bitte lass uns unsere Freundschaft nicht ruinieren." _I would never let this ruin our friendship. It was not his fault._ I nodded, agreeing that I wouldn't let this ruin whatever we were. My voice still felt weak, I knew what I wanted to say, but I couldn't make the words come out of my mouth, it was like it was going to be a mission to say something to him. Tills calloused fingers against my smooth skin brought a sort of comfort to my tense state, as I leaned my body a little closer to him. All of the sudden, a light knock came from the door, the both of us pulling away from each other. I moved back to the pillow that leaned against the headboard, grabbing the mug of tea between my hands.

 "Come in." Till murmured, his eyes still scanning over me. Oliver opened the door quietly, his eyes immediately going over to me, a small, almost forced smile coming up on his face. I glanced over at Till who raised his eyebrows at him, waiting for him to say something. 

 "Richard is here...He's really worried, can he come in?" Oliver asked gently, looking at me for an answer. I peered over at Till, noticing that he was already getting up, putting his chair back to the desk. I glanced back at Oliver seeing that he also noticed this.

 "I'll take that as a yes?" He questioned, full of confusion. I shrugged. 

 "Yes, bring him in." Till replied, walking out of the room, my eyes following him as he left my sight. Oliver opened the door a little wider, moving out of the way. Richard rushed in, a panicked expression drawn on his face. He came over to me quickly, roughly pulling me to him. I hissed loudly, indicating that his _loving_ actions were a little too rough. 

 "Oh sorry." He said instantly, pulling away. I shook my head. 

 "Its...It's fine." I croaked, my voice cracking. He placed his hands on my cheeks, his smooth palms meeting my face. 

 "Are you alright, Oliver told me Till took you to the hospital." I nodded, placing my hands on top of his, _lying right to him._ His eyes scanned over mine.

 "Are you sure?" He pressed further, I nodded once again. My fingertips tracing over the back of his hand. 

 "What happened anyways?" This was when my story could become a make or break, if it sounds unbelievable Richard will catch on immediately, and the real story will come out, but if I told him the truth he will instantly be angry with me for not letting him drive me home, and just like Till he will end up blaming himself. 

 "I slipped and fell in the shower...Till heard me, and instantly suggested that we should go to the hospital." I explained, hoping that the story sounded believable. Richard frowned. 

 "Aww es tut mir leid liebste." I shook my head. pretending to rub the back of my head in pain.

 "It's okay...I think I just need to sleep it off, it's been a long long night." I explained softly, trying not to strain my voice. He nodded, giving me a small loving kiss on my lips. My brain screaming loudly for it to be done quickly, knowing that I didn't want that romantic contact at that moment. 

 "Get some sleep. I'll probably see you later." I nodded, watching him leave the room, closing the door behind him. 

 ------

 I watched Richard walk out with a small smile on his face, causing me to become completely caught off guard by his reaction. He put his hands into his pockets, walking over to us.

 "It wasn't that bad. It was just a little fall, little bruise under her eye... You didn't have to be so worried about her Till." He laughed, giving me a light tap on my bicep. _She lied to him...She didn't tell him what really happened. Why? Why is she keeping this away from him, it's too serious to keep away from him._ I couldn't help but blush at his comment though, knowing that he knew I couldn't keep myself from caring about her.

 "You know I can never do that." I replied honestly, forcing a small laugh out, that came out with awkwardness. Richard motioned to the door.

 "We should go, Oliver and I have some plans today. You take care of her though. I know she's in good hands." _How could he be so fucking joyous? Even if Velouria didn't tell him the truth, she's injured, and he's just leaving me with her because he has plans that are more important than his own girlfriend? What a little shitbag._ I nodded.

 "Yes. Totally in good hands." I agreed, putting a thumbs up. Richard and Oliver proceeded to put on their shoes, I could tell Oliver was still concerned, but he knew he couldn't show it, because then Richard would catch on and know that Velouria lied to him, and at this moment it wasn't a good idea to unveil that. When they both left, I let out a small sigh, locking the door. _I think she wants to have some time alone._ I walked over to the couch, slowly placing myself down in front of the blank television., not even having the energy to turn it on. I sat there staring out the window, watching the sun slowly appear from the darkness of the night. My ears heard the gentle padding of feet against the hardwood floor, it sounded slow, but I waited...Knowing it was her. Velouria made her way across my line of sight, occupying the seat beside me, leaving a fairly large amount of space between us. I glanced at her seeing one of her hands curled around her mug, looking at the sunrise with me, her beautiful green eyes shining in the light that began to peek through the window. I reached over, taking her freezing cold hand in mine, intertwining my fingers between hers. She didn't say anything, so I decided to say something.

 "You might be taking a vow of silence, or you may not want to talk to me, and that is completely understandable. But I'm not going to leave you...No matter what you do. No matter how many times you're going to try to push me away during this recovery...You're not going to be alone. I will always be here whenever you want to talk Vel." I assured her, kind of going off on a little bit of a tangent. There was silence once again, until I felt Velouria's hand squeeze mine tightly. The action signaling me that she understood. I looked over at her noticing that she was still facing forward. I looked in front of me as well, watching the sun rise, witnessing the birth of a new day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello fellow humans. I hope you guys enjoyed the new chapter. I wanna know your thoughts on it :)))


	12. Mrs.Montgomery

 We pulled up to the front of the therapist office, Till putting the car in park. It had been the week after the rape, and Till had decided that I should seek some counseling, knowing that it will help me relax a little bit, since I hadn't been getting a lot of sleep ever since the situation happened. I would stay up all night long with Till on the phone, and not even talk to him. I would only listen to his sleepy voice talk to me, then when he would fall asleep, I would just listen to his soothing breaths that were muffled through the phone. Every time Till would pick me up from school I could see the hope in his eyes slowly disappear whenever I got into the car and he didn't hear my voice. I haven't spoken to him in so long, I would just interact with him through head nods, and once in a while a small tap to get his attention. It broke my heart, but I had to do it, for mine, and his own good. 

 "She's a really good therapist...I hope you talk to her..." He murmured, I glanced over at him, and I could tell that he saw the fear, and nervousness in my eyes. It wasn't that hard to hide, especially when it was so noticeable sometimes.

 "Velouria don't be afraid...She isn't here to harm you or anything like that. She's here to help." He added gently, keeping his eyes on mine. I reluctantly nodded, and unbuckled my seat belt, unlocking the door of the car. I took one last look at Till from over my shoulder, then opened the door, getting out of the car, closing it behind me. 

 "Velouria wait!" I stopped walking and turned around peeking through the window. Till rolled down the window a little more than it already was, before asking.

 "What time do you want to be picked up at?" I glanced over at the clock, seeing that it was around 4:03, I thought about how long I would probably end up staying there for, and proceeded to hold up five fingers. Till nodded, and gave a small comforting smile. 

 "See you then." I nodded, backing away from the car. I turned back around, facing the three leveled building, made out of brown bricks. I noticed a few people walking out of the building, some of them sad, just like me, but they looked relaxed, like a whole weight had been lifted off of their shoulders. I took in a deep breath, hearing the car slowly roll away from me. _There was no escaping now...Unless I made a run for it...But I would never betray Till like that._ I walked towards the door, placing my hand on the handle, I caught my reflection in the spotless window, noticing the dark circles under my eyes. _I looked drained, and even everyone at school agreed with me._ I opened the door, stepping into the warm lobby, seeing people sitting on the side, probably waiting for family to come out or something. I slowly walked over to the list of therapists, looking for the last name Montgomery. I dragged my finger down the glass, until I noticed hers. _Room 321._ I mumbled the number under my breath so I could remember it, as I walked to the elevator and pressed the up button, waiting a for the doors to open up. I could overhear a conversation going on behind me about how excited they were for the weekend. _I couldn't say the same._ I stepped into the elevator, as well as the two people talking about their plans. I pressed the number three, watching the doors close, I leaned against the wall crossing my arms, staring at the numbers ascending one by one. The doors opened up when we got to the third level, all of us storming out of the elevator, going our separate ways. I looked at the names on the doors, squinting at each one _319, 320, 321._ I stood in front of the door, reaching my hand up to give a small warning knock before entering. 

 "This is it." I murmured under my breath, knocking twice on the wooden door, waiting a few seconds to let her answer. I heard some shuffling, and saw the handle turn, the separation between us disappearing. She was a fairly older lady, probably in her mid fifties judging by the predominant wrinkles sprawled across her face, her glasses that she wore hung off the bridge of her nose, framing her dark brown eyes. For some reason she looked fairly stuck up, even though she had a warm smile on her face, flashing her pearly white teeth, _looked like they were dentures, but I wasn't going to accuse her of that_ , since I was probably going to be seeing her for a while.

 "Oh you must be Velouria, come in." Her voice was warm, and smooth, bringing a sort of comfort because of how motherly she sounded, _reminding me of my own mother._ I stepped into the welcoming room, accompanied by a long red couch, a well build desk, that looked like it was carved by hand, with intricate designs, as well as a coffee maker and a few sweets, probably to create some sort of home like feeling, so people could feel comfortable talking with Mrs. Montgomery. I walked over to the couch, slowly placing myself on it, facing the desk. I stared at the large window, that was covered by dark red, silky curtains. She walked around the couch, taking a seat on the office chair, she unbuttoned her blazer, unveiling her white blouse, hanging it behind her. She smiled at me yet again, glancing over at the coffee maker, and sweets.

 "Help yourself, if you want coffee have some coffee, if you want some sweets have some sweets, if you want to take off your shoes and relax or something, do whatever makes you feel comfortable...I am not here to pass judgement on how you want to relax or anything, and this is an open place, with a closed door policy, so anything that is said in here will not be said to anyone else, we clear?" She explained, with a hint of friendliness in her voice. I nodded, glancing over at the coffee pot, the strong scent of the beans dancing through my nostrils She traced my gaze to the coffee pot, a small smile on her face. 

 "I'll grab you a cup." She pushed away from the desk, and pulled out a mug from the drawer, getting up from the office chair. She had a little bit of a limp in her walk, _a possibility that she was injured or something._ Her hands shook as she took the pot out from under the machine, pouring the dark brown liquid into the blue cup, with a rainbow plastered on it.

"How do you take it?" I glanced over at her, and shook my head, indicating that I didn't take anything in it. She frowned, and walked back over to me, placing the cup on the desk in front of my eyes. I blinked a few times, and slowly reached out for the mug, wrapping my hand around the handle.

"How about we get to know each other a little bit?" She suggested, leaning back in her chair as I brought the cup to my mouth, almost slurping back the scorching hot liquid, letting it race down my throat.

"I'm Lusitania...Or Lucy for short. I don't like being called by my last name, it's too formal, so please call me that. Um...Hmm, I'm fifty four years old, I have two children, and I'm a grandmother...What else could I tell you?" She questioned herself, racking her brain for some more facts about her. I slurped the coffee again, keeping my eyes on glued to her, as she leaned back in her seat, and smiled directly at me. 

 "I guess I could say I'm good at making coffee as well?" She asked, raising her eyebrows at me. I couldn't help the small smirk that appeared on my lips, as I nodded. She frowned yet again, bringing out a note pad, and a red pen, sliding it over to me. I stared at the bright yellow pages, the blue lines standing out to me, calling me to write on them. I glanced up at her, as she motioned to the note pad.

 "Come on, at least write...If we are going to be together for an hour, the least you can do is write about yourself, so I know some things about you." Her eyes pleading with me. I placed the mug down on the desk, and leaned forward, lifting the red pen in my left hand, resting it on my ring finger. I pulled the notepad to me, and began to write out some facts that came to me. Once I was finished scrawling as many things as I could, I slid the paper back to her. She pushed up her glasses, her eyes scanning over my writing, a smile appearing on her face.

 "You like to paint and write poetry? That seems like fun...What do you like to paint or write about?" She asked, sliding the notepad back to me, I wrote **ANYTHING,** handing it back to her. She chuckled lightly at this, her eyes darting up to the other things I wrote. 

 "Your home life isn't so good I see...What's wrong with it?" Her voice asked gently, slowly holding the notepad out to me. I reluctantly grabbed it out of her hands, and began writing. It took me a few minutes to do this, and by the end of it I had a whole page full of the situation. I let out a small sigh, handing it over to her. I lifted my mug, and took a sip, moving away from the large oak desk. She frowned, glancing up at me from time to time. 

 "I'm sorry about your mother...That must've been very hard for you. Your father on the other hand needs to get over himself and begin caring about you again...Is that why you haven't told him about what happened that night?" I nodded, taking another sip of the coffee. 

 "Is Till someone that you have made this connection with?" I looked up at her, not really understanding the question. _Was she insinuating that I looked up to him as a father figure?_ I guess she caught on to my confusion and rephrased the question.

 "I meant...Is Till someone that you can talk to? Is he your secret keeper?" She joked slightly, with a hint of seriousness lacing every word that fell from her mouth. I grabbed the notepad again, and wrote an answer, sliding it to her.

 "So...He is...But he isn't. Why haven't you been talking to him lately?" She pressed, her eyebrows furrowing a little bit. I hesitated before writing down my answer, choosing my words carefully. I bit my lip, almost drawing blood because of how nervous I was to give her the complete and honest truth. I handed her the notepad, and hunched over, bowing my head in embarrassment and shame.

 "You don't feel like you have your voice anymore, like everything has been taken away from you. You think that if you start talking to Till, he will be taken away from you because nothing good lasts forever...I know Till very well, and I can assure you that he is doing everything in his power to help you. He will not be taken away from you, so don't shut him out like this...He wouldn't have made this appointment for you if he didn't care." She replied honestly. I raised my head, making eye contact with her. She had a small comforting smile on her face. An expression only a mother would give to her children. I grabbed the notepad again, scratching a reply into the paper. I handed it back to her.

 "You think that because you were raped he is treating you differently? Velouria...You're making up excuses to push him away...He doesn't give up that easily." I closed my eyes tightly, hearing the inevitable words that I couldn't ignore. I took in a deep breath, slowly releasing it.

 "I...I can't look at him without feeling the guilt that I put on him." I croaked, admitting slight defeat by talking to her. She handed me a tissue. 

 "Tell me what kind of guilt you think you put on him?" She prodded a little, looking for an answer. I averted my gaze, letting out a sigh.

 "I think he blames himself for what happened...Because he was so jealous of Richard and he acted that way around me. When I said to him I was scared that I was going to be a bother to him if I called and asked for him to come pick me up and decided to walk, I think he began to blame himself for what happened to me that night." I explained softly, the sentence almost being inaudible. 

 "And who is Richard?" She asked curiously. I took another small sip of the coffee, pushing my hair out of my face. 

 "He's my boyfriend." I grumbled, my mind going back to a couple of days after he visited me. He was constantly asking how my head was, and every time I wanted to tell him the real truth about what happened he would end up changing the subject, or try kissing me. I would give him a light peck then pull away quickly, not even wanting to kiss him at all in the first place. It was mostly because I felt like a disgusting and violated human being, like I wasn't able to get that man out of me. Richard seemed a little bothered by this, but didn't think anything of it after I lied and said that I was on my period. _A relationship full of lies._

"And Till is jealous of him because...?" She raised her eyebrows, egging me to go on. I shrugged.

 "He thinks that Richard would use me for sex." I murmured under my breath, my face turning red immediately at my mentioning of the horrid word. Lucy squinted slightly.

 "There's more than meets the eye Velouria...Think hard...Jealousy usually happens when someone has a specific feeling for another person..." I shook my head at her insinuation.

 "He doesn't like me in that way..." I shot back instantly. She leaned back in her chair, letting out a long sigh. 

 "Or maybe he is just too afraid to tell you his real feelings. You are dating this guy Richard, and he probably doesn't want to get in the way of your happiness, that's probably the reason he hasn't said anything to you. It is also the fact that you are now recovering from a very very traumatic experience, and he probably feels like it's the wrong time to say anything." She theorized. Her thoughts made me think about every time I would mention Richard in a conversation to him. His eyes would look away from me, his fists would clench around anything he was holding, sometimes I could even see him bite his lip, like he was holding something back...But it couldn't have been what she was talking about. _Till can't like me in that way._

 "Maybe you should think about talking with him when you are ready..." She suggested. I began scratching my arm, the claw marks reopening with every scrape I did down my arm. 

 "I don't think that's a good idea..." I muttered, scratching a little harder, feeling a light flow of blood go down my arm, being soaked up by my black sweat shirt. 

 "Why not?" She pressed. I glanced up at her, a little angry at all these questions that she was asking me,

 "Because it isn't a good idea. Till is a hard person to read, and his feelings are always behind huge iron curtains. Even if I did speak to him about it, he will never admit that he has feelings for me." I proclaimed. Lucy slowly raised an eyebrow at me.

 "Do _you_ have feelings for Till?" She asked. I blushed rapidly.

 "No." I spat, instantly regretting how quick I said it. She sighed, quickly scribbling something down into her notes like she was keeping some sort of file on me,  _she probably was actually._

 "Listen...You are a teenager...And you've just experienced something very traumatic. Maybe you are just confused, and scared about what the future might hold for you...So I'll give you time to think about these thoughts, and feelings that you might possibly have. When we meet next week, I hope we can talk more about this, and possibly about that night of the rape..." I closed my eyes tightly, giving my arm one last scratch before pulling my hand out from my sleeve, wiping my nails off on the fabric. 

 "Yeah...Sure." I muttered, looking over at the clock behind her. _It was already five, yet it felt like I had only been in here for ten, maybe even fifteen minutes._ I got up from the seat, as she escorted me out of the office. 

 "Please stay safe Velouria...And please...Try to let Till help...He is trying to be there for you." She informed, I gave her a small, cold, and distant nod, walking away from her, without even saying a goodbye. I took the stairs down to the lobby, rushing out into the cloudy parking lot, noticing Till's car immediately. I walked over to it, walking by the windshield so he saw me before I got into the passenger seat. 

 "How was it?" He asked, mildly concerned. I buckled in my seatbelt and gave a shrug. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him frown like he was disappointed that I still wasn't speaking. I looked over at him catching his stare. He quickly tore it off my eyes, putting the car into drive quickly, pressing his foot on the gas. We exited the parking lot, and began the long drive home, getting onto the jam-packed highway. Till turned up some music, a mixtape of his favourite songs flowing through the slightly crappy speakers of his car, something that filled the silence at least. I leaned my head against the window, staring out at the gloomy sky, a sort of comfort being brought over me. The weather was in touch with my feelings, and I enjoyed that. Till cleared his throat.

 "Do you want to come over and watch some movies or something?" He suggested softly under his breath. I looked over at him, _maybe it'll be good for you. You do need a break from your father, he has been on vacation all week._ I nodded a little bit, seeing that he acknowledged it before stopping. The rest of the car ride the only thing that I could think about was what Lucy said about Till liking me, or possibly having feelings for me. Maybe I was blind, or in denial, or maybe I was a mixture of both, because I know my feelings for Till, and I also know my feelings for Richard. I like Till more because he shows compassion, and shows that he cares. He has this overbearing protective side but is also shy at times, and I enjoy everything about him. He isn't trying to force any sort of feelings on me because he's too afraid to do that, so I know that it would be up to me to say something, which was good, cause that gives me time to figure myself out and get a grasp on my own feelings. It also gives me time to recover and try to get over this heavy bout of depression and anxiety. _I can only hope that it goes away soon._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter, more of a filler. Next chapter will be quite long. You have been warned. Hope you enjoyed, and I would love to hear your theories on where this is going to go. See you guys in the next update.


	13. I love you but I'm lost

 Till and I sat on the couch, the both of us wrapped up in separate blankets, watching a made for TV movie in silence, with Till occasionally asking if I was okay or not. I would nod even when I wasn't feeling okay, I just didn't want him to be concerned. Once in a while I would look over at Till, my brain still thinking about the situation that I spoke to Lucy about, every single outcome being seen from the distance. _What if her assumptions were wrong and Till didn't like me in that way...Then the friendship would probably be destroyed._ I kept my eyes glued to the television, completely tuning out the characters that were speaking. _I have to also think about Richard, I have to take into account his feelings, he is my boyfriend after all. I can't just break up with him if Till has feelings for me._ I took another glance at Till. _I'm also freaked out, and scared to talk to him about it. I'm afraid that after we express what we truly feel he will be expecting something more than just a kiss...Sure he might be shy and everything, but what if he tries to take advantage of me. **Come on...I don't think he would ever do that Velouria. Snap out of it and speak to him, set boundaries if you're that scared.**_ I kept my eyes on Till, letting them linger on his face, he glanced over at me, raising his eyebrows.

 "Is there something on my face?" He asked, turning red immediately, his hand shooting up to his cheek. I shook my head, moving a little closer to him, since there was plenty of space between us. He noticed this, his eyes scanning over me, continuing to shuffle towards him, until I reached his arm. I lifted it, putting myself against his side, cuddling against him. He brought his muscular, and heavy arm over me, resting it over my side, as I kept my eyes on the television. I felt protected, like nothing could harm me, and for some unknown reason, the position felt right in a way. I could feel his eyes on me still, while I slid my arm across his torso, my ear tuning into his beating heart. He took in a deep breath, his body moving up with it, as I felt him pull my blanket up so it was covering me a little more. His scent ran through my nose, my head leaning a little more into him. He rested his hand on my arm, his thumb tracing over the fabric of my sweater. Suddenly I felt his hand grasp my wrist.

 "Velouria...What is this?" Immediately trying to pull my arm away from him, realizing what he was asking about. His other hand pushed down the sweater sleeve, revealing the dark red scratch marks that I had inflicted on myself this past week. Instantly his mouth fell agape, his thumb tracing the rough scars. I gave up trying to pull my arm away, already knowing that he has seen them and there was no way of hiding them from him anymore. 

 "Vel...Why?" He asked gently, slowly moving his gaze to me, I looked up at him, my eyes glistening with tears, realizing that I had been caught. I could see the hurt in his eyes, seeing what I had done to myself. I shook my head. cuddling into his side, hiding myself from the embarrassment. His fingers continued to trace over the mangled scabs cautiously, his heart beat accelerating from what I could hear. I felt him lift my arm up a little, a light flow of air tracing over it, his soft lips pressing up against the mark. I shivered at the small contact, tears sliding down my cheeks. He continued to kiss the scratch marks, his thumb still caressing one of the marks. I sat up a little, feeling like he wouldn't judge me. I watched him closely, his grip on my wrist loosening

 "Please...Don't do this ever again, pain is not something that you can use to cope with this experience...Please Vel.." He murmured beneath his breath, his eyes still locked on the dark red scars. I brought my hand to his cheek, slowly turning his face to me, his eyes telling me everything that I needed to know. He was sad, angry, distressed, _and it was all caused by my stupid decision_. I leaned forward, placing my forehead on his, my other hand caressing his face as well. We kept eye contact for a few moments, before he decided to suggest something.

 "Let's go out...I have a place that we can go to so we don't have to be cooped up in here the whole night...If you are willing to come with me?" He asked nervously. I dragged my thumb under his eye, his stubble pricking my fingers. Our gazes were still connected, as I gave him a small, reluctant nod. A comforting smile appeared on his lips, his teeth flashing a little bit. I felt his hand move up to my neck, caressing the smooth skin, the smile slowly disappearing as we continued to drag our fingers along each others skin. For some reason, I forgot everything about that man, _the man that I didn't even know...The man that took something valuable from me._ His mixture of blue and green orbs stared into mine, compelling me to be lost in them forever...But if we were going to go to the place he wanted to go to, now was the time to do it. I pulled back a little, taking my forehead off of his, motioning to the door. He nodded.

 "Bring the blankets. It might be a bit chilly outside." He warned. I folded the blanket that I had draped around me, and he did as well, the both of us walking to the front door. We slid on our shoes, and Till grabbed the keys to his car, indicating for me to leave before he did. I made my way to the car, hearing him lock the front door, following closely behind me. I went over to the passenger side, waiting for him to get in and unlock my side. It wasn't long before we began to make our way to the destination of Till's choice. I kept my forehead on the window, watching the bright lights cross my sight, Till's mixtape on full blast, the heavy bass rumbling through my chest. At one point of the car ride I closed my eyes to rest up a little bit, slowly drafting off to sleep, without realizing it. The next thing I knew I was woken up by Till shaking my shoulder. 

 "Hey...Sleepy head we're here." His smooth voice informed gently. My eyes fluttered open, the moon illuminating the inside of the car. I stretched out a little bit, my vision clearing, my brain taking in the scenery. A moonlit lake shined before me, long ropes of leaves hung from tree branches, gently framing the sight, Till parked far enough that it left a decent amount of space between the car and the deep blue lake that shined before us. 

 "There's a bit of a breeze, but I think we'll be okay." He grabbed the blankets taking them out of the car with him, I unbuckled my seat belt, exiting the passenger seat. He laid one of the covers on the grass, placing the folded one on top of it. I looked out to the lake yet again, a small, refreshing breeze blowing by my face. Till turned around, noticing how focused I was on the water. My brain raced with several things, and the only thing I longed for was relaxation. _A swim might do me good._ I leaned against the car, slipping off my shoes.

 "What are you doing?" Till asked curiously, watching me slip off my socks, stuffing them into my shoes. I untied my sweatpants letting them drop down to the grass, as I motioned to the lake. He glanced over at it, a look of confusion plastered on his face. His gaze traced back to me.

 "You want to go swimming? Do you know how cold that water is going to be?" I gave him a light shrug, slipping my feet out of the sweatpants, proceeding to take off my sweater, dropping it to the ground, letting it join the space beside my shoes. My eyes traced over to Till, seeing him staring at my barely clothed body. Beneath my sweater I had a dark blue, bra, nothing really special, no specific design, mostly because I just felt like wearing something fairly casual for once, accompanied by some loose boxer shorts, that I decided to purchase because they were't too tight, and nor were they uncomfortable. I didn't say anything about his spaced out staring, and walked right by him, making a beeline to the water. I dipped my foot in first, causing shivers to race up and down my spine, letting out an involuntary 'ooo' noise. Once I slowly adjusted to the temperature, I walked in, letting the cool waves engulf my whole body, all the way up to the bottom of my chin. All the weight that I had on my body suddenly disappeared, like every thought in my mind floated away, and seeped into the water that I was in. My mind went blank, as I held my breath for a few moments, feeling myself go completely weightless, my body floating up, my gaze pointing up to the night sky. I began to breathe again, keeping myself in that lying position, my eyes observing the stars above me, they shined so brightly around the cratered moon that for some reason it left me in awe, _like I hadn't seen the moon before._ The soothing sound of the water distracted me from everything, as I let out a long breath, closing my eyes tightly. I stayed like that for a while, until I heard the water splash, interrupting me from my spaced out state. I flailed around a little until my body was beneath the water again, noticing Till was still on the blanket, watching me closely.

 "It was a fish, don't worry." He laughed lightly at my panic stricken face. I blushed, swimming towards Till, stopping where the water met the land. He glanced at me, raising his eyebrows. 

 "What?" He asked, halting his laughter. I motioned for him to join me, wanting to share the beauty with him, even though he could see the scenery from where he was sitting. Immediately he shook his head. I frowned, staring up at him, my eyes pleading. He continued to shake his head refusing my suggestion. I exhaled.

 "Bitte?" I whispered dryly, averting my gaze. I waited a few seconds, before looking back up at Till. His mouth was agape, completely caught off guard by my voice, since he hadn't heard me speak for a week or so. 

 "Say that again? Please? Please say that again." It went from a question to a command, which made me smirk just a little bit, since he was practically begging to hear my voice again.

 "I said...Bitte." I forced myself to speak a little louder than before, my throat felt like the desert, yet I still raised my voice so he could hear me. His eyes met mine, a large smile forming on his face, he was basking in happiness just by the few words that I said.  As I looked at him I could feel the dark, depressing slug in my stomach growling, waiting to feed on the slight hope that I had gained from that smile he had on his face. I watched as he stood up from the blanket, going towards the car door, opening it so he was covered while he took off his clothes. I sank down into the water, swimming away from the landing, giving him some privacy. I sank down into the water, lingering there for a few moments. I kept my eyes shut tightly, letting the cool temperature surround me completely, until I heard a loud splash behind me indicating that Till has joined me. I poked my head over the waterline, spitting out some water that slipped into my mouth by accident. Till's bluish green eyes reflected brightly from the moon light, his eyes scanning over me. I sunk down a little, looking up at him, my face bursting with heat as my eyes roamed over his broad shoulders, all the way back up to his gaze. I could tell I made him nervous, and I was as well, but I couldn't focus on those feelings, it just wasn't the right moment to do anything. I looked up at the stars yet again, going back into the same floating position, noticing that Till joined me. Both of us laid on the water, and in that moment there wasn't a care in the world. My head touched his shoulder, our heads side to side, our eyes scanning the sky. 

 "I will never understand why the world has such breath taking things, if we are such terrible people." I murmured, glancing over at Till. I saw his lips turn into a frown, his head turning to me as well, so we were both staring at each other. 

 "There's only a few people that go off the track of being a nice, caring person. Not everyone is terrible." He replies honestly, his eyes scanning over my face. 

 "Most people are though." I croaked. He let out a heavy breath.

 "Am I most people?" He asked gently, averting his gaze, letting it face the sky again. I kept my eyes glued to the side of his face, realizing that I worded myself wrong. 

 "No, you aren't...You're one of the good ones Till." I whispered, Within the moon light I could see his face turn a dark red, taking my compliment to heart. 

 "I would never think someone would say that about me." He shared truthfully. I moved a little closer to him.

 "They just don't see you like I do." I pointed out, He turned his head, our faces inches apart, our noses barely touching. 

 "And how do you see me?" He asked, full of uncertainty as to what my reply might be. I took a deep breath in, looking back up at the sky, the stars shimmering brightly as my brain gathered it's thoughts. I chose my words carefully, I rethought everything I was going to say, and completely agreed upon saying it. I turned my head back to him, seeing that he didn't even break his stare that was on me. His bright, blue green eyes stayed on mine, awaiting the answer.

 "I see you as a caring, loving man...You're trustworthy, and you care about everyone around you, and you sacrifice so much to protect the people you care about...You're so kind, but people judge the harsh exterior, but I...It's a part of you that I..." My brain paused, not being able to find the words, _I was going to say It's a part of you that I love...But my brain ceased to say that sentence._ Till's eyes were full of curiosity, like he was hanging off of every word I was saying. The depressing slug came up, to eat away those words, taking away all the courage I had at that moment. 

 "I think you get the point..."I murmured, stomping that curiosity that was in Till's eyes, a little piece of my heart breaking off a little, the black slug taking away a chance that I had to tell him my exact feelings. 

 "Yeah...I guess." He replied, a small, forced smirk appearing on his face. A cool breeze flowed over our bodies, causing the both of us to shiver. 

 "Maybe we should go back to the car." He suggested, I nodded in agreeance, before the both of us swam to shore. Till stepped out first, shivering like crazy, as he used the blanket as a makeshift towel, handing me the extra one that we had, once I stepped out of the water of course. I wrapped myself up in it, cuddling into the warmth of the soft, silky blanket, as it soaked up all the water droplets the dripped down my body. Till picked up my clothes, as the both of us got into the front seats of the car. He let out a small, shaky sigh, as he closed the door and put the keys into the ignition, not turning the engine on, but having it in an idling mode, where we were able to have the radio on, and also have access to the heater. Till turned it all the way up, the warm air engulfing the space that we sat in. I watched him closely, while he changed the radio, tuning it to a soft rock channel. My ears tuning into the familiar sound of The Pixies. 

 "What a weird coincidence, they're playing a song named after you." He joked awkwardly. A small smirk coming up on my face. Till stared at me, his eyes glancing down at my lips, then back to my eyes. I kind of ignored this, trying to warm up a little more before I made any brash decisions. I moved my foot up and down to the beat of the song.

 "Your parents really were ahead of their time." He added, I let out a small chuckle.

 "You're right about that." Till didn't reply with anything, so the car began to fill with silence, the black slug creeping back up, like it was about to drop a sledgehammer on me, and foil all the possibilities I had to tell him about what I really wanted to say. 

 "Till..." I murmured, forcing myself to push the black slug down, back behind my heart. He glanced over at me, as I motioned for him to come a little closer. He did what I said, our faces inches apart. My heart was beating out of my chest, my nerves wrecking me in so many ways.

 "Yeah?" He breathed, I could sense how nervous he was as well, since he is naturally shy. I took in a deep breath...

  _Time to take a huge step. Don't fuck this up Velouria. Don't fuck it up._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger. Sorry for the short chapter yet again, but the next one will be long, I changed the plan a little bit, so I hope you guys don't mind. You guys are awesome, and I would love to hear your thoughts about what is going to happen in the next chapter. Till next time <3


	14. Up All Night

 The black slug immediately came back up, eating away all the courage I had just moments before. I let out a shaky sigh and lifted my hand up, swiping a nonexistent fluff off from under his eye. He blinked a few times, shocked by the sudden action.

 "You just had a fluff." I murmured, pulling back. He blushed even harder, letting out a small 'oh' in the process. _I'm disappointed with myself. I could've done it. Fuck sake._

 "I'm...Going to put my clothes back on." I informed, holding the blanket against myself as I exited the car and got into the back, unhooking my soaked bra, taking it off my shoulders so it wouldn't wet the shirt that I was going to wear. I glanced over my shoulder, noticing Till take his gaze off of the review mirror. _He was watching me._ I took my eyes off of him, reaching over to my pile of clothes, pulling my sweater over my damp hair, sticking my arms through the holes. I yanked it down over my knees, not wanting to put my pants on again, judging by the fact that it would be severely uncomfortable,  _dry on wet clothing is not the best thing in the world._ I glanced over at the review mirror seeing Till looking out the windshield at the lake, a glimmer of sadness sparkling through them. I frowned. _Velouria you fucking idiot._ I got out of the car, returning to the passenger seat. 

 "Are we going back to your house?" His expression softened a little bit, changing from the sad, depressed state, to calm and neutral. He only gave me a nod in reply. _You've fucked shit up Velouria. You could've kissed him, and everything would have been fine. He wouldn't be acting this way. **But what about Richard? He's my fucking boyfriend. Unless there is a pass for me to be able to kiss Till, I would be cheating on him. Which is wrong!**_ I rubbed my forehead, the internal battle between what I want and my conscience ensuing. The black slug growled, hungry for my emotions that were somewhat positive. _What if i kissed him and he didn't like it? The friendship would've been ruined. **He looks at you with pity, he would probably kiss back because he would feel bad if he rejected you.**_ The thoughts ran through my mind, clouding what little confidence I had, exterminating it with the deep dark liquid of terror, sadness, and hopelessness. We began to drive back to Till's, which felt like it would last forever because of the silence that filled the car. It was like it was drowning the both of us, and the music was the life boat that was saving us from going crazy. No words were exchanged, as the car pulled up into the driveway. Till put the car in park, and took the keys out of the ignition, wrapping the damp blanket around him a little tighter. He and I stepped out of the car, and as I made my way to the front door, he gathered the remaining clothes that were in the back seat, and threw me the keys to the house. I stepped in holding the door open for him, before I made my way to his room. 

 "I'm going to go shower...Just call me if you need anything." He informed tiredly, walking by his bedroom to the bathroom. I glanced over at my backpack, remembering that I had my torn up notebook in it. My father found it last night and gave me a lecture about my writing, saying that nobody would ever want to read the poems that I wrote, nor would anyone like them, then he proceeded to rip every single page into shreds. I felt like if I showed Till he would probably not care, and say that I could just write new ones. I sighed, hearing the shower turn on, a light knock echoing from the front door. I took out a pair of Till's sweatpants before making my way out of his bedroom. Another round of rapid knocking caused me to rush towards the sound, tying the white strings together so they were tight around my waist. I pushed some unmanageable strands of hair out of my face, before answering the door, seeing Richard leaning against the frame, a cigarette between his lips. 

 "Oh, Frau. I wasn't expecting you to be here." He said, caught off guard by my presence. I shrugged, a small innocent smirk coming up onto my lips, my cheeks heating up a little bit.

 "Well...I'm here. Till picked me up from school today so I just decided to hang around here tonight." I informed, watching him take a deep drag from his cigarette, blowing the thick white smoke into my direction. The scent of nicotine burning my nostrils. 

 "You know...We haven't been out in a while, you've been cancelling a lot. I was kind of hoping that Till would know what was going on with you, but it's great that you're here...So we can actually talk instead of having the big friendly giant as our conversation runner." I nodded reluctantly, not really sure if I wanted to speak with Richard. In my own head I knew that I didn't want to talk with him because of everything that has happened tonight, but I know for certain that if I said no Richard would probably be really bothered by that. I don't want to make it seem like something is going on between Till and I, even though the feelings are existent and present in my thoughts and heart. I stepped out onto the front porch, walking over to the small coffee table, and wooden chairs that Till had put on it. _I had only seen him use this once, so it looked fairly new._ Richard had followed me, taking a seat beside me, my ears listening to the chair squeal beneath his weight, as he leaned back. He took another long drag his eyes closing, as if he was swimming in the warmth of the smoke filling his lungs.

 "So...What do you want to talk about?" I asked, faking my curiosity as well as I possibly could, just so I made it seem like I was interested in what he had to say. He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth, tapping the ashes off the end, my eyes watching closely as they fell to the ground, the sharp scent of the smoke hitting my nostrils yet again.

 "I was thinking that...Maybe you should start reserving some alone time with me...Y'know. I'm a twenty six year old man..." I raised my eyebrows. 

 "And I'm seventeen, what's your point?" I murmured, averting my gaze. _I knew exactly what he meant._ He sighed, my eyes darting over to him, watching him lean forward a little. 

 "Vel...You know exactly what I mean...I want to be intimate with you, I know making out in the back of a car is fun for you I guess...But I have needs." _Needs? What if I don't share the same 'needs'._ I sat back, keeping my eyes glued to him as he took a deep inhale, letting the smoke out as he spoke "I also think that Till is to blame for our lack of intimacy." He didn't say this too loud, but I was still able to hear it.

 "Did you just blame Till for our lack of intimacy?" My eyebrows scrunching together in confusion. He shrugged.

 "I mean you're always attached to his fucking hip Vel...And don't shoot that glare at me when you know I'm right." He said pointing at me accusingly.

 "It's because he's my friend Richard. Am I not allowed to have friends?" I scoffed, feeling as if he was either onto me, and my feelings towards Till, or he was just trying to be a purposeful dick. "What if I told you that you couldn't be friends with a girl who was as close to you as I am to Till?" I shot back.

 "I would respect your decision, because you're my girlfriend." He replied, filling up with anger that was piping through his veins.

 "Girlfriend or not. I'm allowed to have guy friends, it's not always about you." I stood up, dusting the back of the sweatpants off, before making my way to the front door "It's best that you go now. You can come back when you're not being an overthinking dumb ass." I advised, opening up the glass screen covered door, entering Till's house, slamming it closed as soon as I stepped in. I let out a loud 'UGH' from the frustration that was built up in a ball within my stomach. I didn't hear the water from the shower running so I assumed that Till was out of the bathroom, which gave me the chance to wash up quickly before turning in for bed, _since I was pretty exhausted._ I closed the door, rinsing my face off, rubbing some face wash onto my cheeks, watching the white foam cover my pale cheeks. _I couldn't believe that Richard would say that shit to me...It's like he has no sort of trust towards me._ I rinsed the soap off, drying my face with a dark blue towel, making my way back to Till's room. I gave a light knock.

 "Komm herein." He replied, his voice echoing through the room. I turned the door knob pushing it open, peeking in before entering, noticing Till sitting at his desk, his back turned away from me. I stepped in, closing the door behind me, stepping closer to him.

 "What are you doing?" I asked quietly, tip toeing towards him. He peered over his shoulder, moving back slightly to make eye contact with me.

 "I guess when you were rushing to answer the door your bag dropped in the process. I noticed that all these scraps of paper were on the ground, and then I saw your writing...So I was starting to put some of the pieces together." He replied, sounding embarrassed, like he was caught murdering someone. I raised my eyebrows, caught off guard by his response, and not having any words to reply with I had to see it for my own eyes. I got closer, noticing my notebook in shards, scattered over the desk like puzzle pieces, some of the scraps already taped together. 

 "I know how much they mean to you..." He added. I could feel his eyes on me, as I stared absentmindedly at the half-finished paper in front of me. 

 "You can pull up a chair and help if you want. You're the one that wrote these so it would be good to have someone that knows how the poems flow." He offered. I nodded, grabbing a one of the chairs that was on the side of the desk, placing my seat beside his, as he continued to sort through the scraps of paper. I brought my knees up to my chest, letting a small sigh escape my lips, picking up a small piece of blue lined paper. 

 "I couldn't help but overhear you and Richard arguing...Is there some sort of trouble in paradise?" He asked, avoiding my gaze, sorting through his own little pile. I shrugged.

 "I guess...He's just being a little too overprotective." I replied, picking up a piece from his pile my eyes glancing over it before placing the both of the scraps together. 

 "How?" He pressed, the sound of his voice going into concern mode. 

 "I don't know...He's just saying that you're getting in the way of our intimacy...Which is false." I looked over at him, seeing his cheeks go a deep red. 

 "Do you think I am?" He asked beneath his breath, catching me off guard a little.

 "No! Of course not! I just don't want to be involved with him in that way yet...Y'know? I'm still emotionally recovering from what happened to me. I'm going to be scarred for life because of that man, and it will never go away. Yet Richard has no patience with me." I explained, cutting myself a piece of tape, connecting a third and forth scrap together.

 "Maybe if you told him what happened he wouldn't put so much pressure on you." He replied, glancing over at me quickly, before going back to what he was doing.

 "I feel that he won't have a good reaction to that news...He might break up with me for that reason..." I hypothesized, looking at the word 'tear' on the piece of paper that I had just connected together.

 "I have no idea why, you're an amazing person, and it doesn't give him the right to just leave you because you got raped. If he does well...Its his fucking loss then." He seemed like he was getting worked up all of the sudden, finding something to occupy his white knuckled hands.

 "...Than-" Till began talking over me.

 "If I was him I would never leave you...You're a keeper. You're a kind hearted, and strong willed individual, and you're independent. I would love to have someone like you. Richard's just so fuc-." I placed my hand over his mouth, a dark red color flushing across my face from his underlying compliments. A faint smile appearing on my face, his eyes meeting mine. 

 "Thank you." I replied softly, slowly sliding my hand off his mouth, the warmth of his breath leaving my palm. His gaze leaving mine going back to the scraps of paper, continuing to place them back together. I wrapped one arm around my legs, feeling a lightning bolt of confidence rushing through me. I took a deep breath, contemplating every thing, weighing the options, before adding "And I...I wish I had someone like you as well." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm so so so so soooo sorry for the long wait! It's been so long! I hit a writer's block on this story for a while. I just couldn't push myself to finish this chapter! But! I have cleared all my stresses and now I can focus on this story again! I hope you guys enjoyed, and as usual, I would love to hear some thoughts and feedback.


	15. New York

 Immediately after I told him this, Till froze in his spot, his eyes tracing over to me, his face sporting a look of shock, like he was taken aback by what I said.

 "Why can't you?" His voice was shaky yet stern when asking this question. His eyes raced over my expression, the bluish-green orbs burning into my face. I sat there dumbfounded, not being able to answer the question truthfully. I raked my mind, trying to find some sort of concrete answer, so I didn't have to admit to him the feeling that I had been harbouring for him. We connected our gazes, the both of us sitting there in silence, his mouth dropping open a little bit as if he read my thoughts. I slowly slid my arm off from around my legs, shifting so my knees were now on the chair. 

 "I can't because I made a huge mistake in choosing Richard...Now I need to pay for it." I murmured, averting my gaze, knowing that I wouldn't be able to hide my feelings from him any longer. Suddenly I felt his rough, workers hands brush over my cheek, grabbing my attention. A small smile, a smile that I could only describe as being full of relief, was drawn across his lips, my body shivering at his fingers resting on the back of my neck. 

 "It was stupid of me for not telling you my true feelings from the start, so if anyone is going to have to pay for their mistakes...It's me." He whispered, his thumb dragging under my eye, my cheeks heating up from the contact.

 "Does this mean...We have mutual feelings for each other?" I asked quietly, looking back up into his eyes. He smirked giving a slight nod. It felt like a huge weight was lifted off my heart, replaced by a large wave of confidence that crashed over me, _the black slug almost feeling non-existent_. I placed my hands on him, slowly taking them off my cheeks, the smirk disappearing from his lips, sadness flashing across his eyes. I let out a small sigh, thinking about Richard, the image of how angry he would probably be if he ever found out about my feelings for him. The only solution would be to keep it a secret for as long as we possibly can or break up with Richard before I start up something with Till. _In all honesty though...Richard won't find out about one small kiss. **He does suspect something is going on between you guys.** Yet he won't find out for sure...Unless he hooks me up to a fucking lie detector test. _I shook myself out of my thoughts, going back to the situation at hand.

 "Oh fuck it." I muttered, throwing all the consequences of the situation out the window. I took his face into my hands, pulling him forward gently, my eyes closing just before my lips met his. He let out a long sigh, his arms wrapping around my torso, his large hands splaying against my back. I slid my hands down his cheeks, the stubble prickling my fingertips, sliding my arm around his neck. My body craved to be closer to him, to make the moment last as long as I could before I was brought back to reality. I slowly separated my lips, letting his tongue roam my mouth as my fingers entangled in his damp hair. He let out a small huff, pulling back to catch our breaths, both of us opening our eyes to look at each other. The both of us smiled wildly at each other. 

 "God, you don't know how long I've been waiting to kiss you." He whispered, his hand running up and down my back slowly, as I brought my fingertips back to his cheeks, feeling the warmth radiating off of them, my head bobbing up and down in agreeance. _I wanted more. **I needed more.**_ I leaned forward again, taking his lips between mine, pressing my body against his, annoyed by the arm of the chair. I guess he realized this, as he slid his arm down me, scooping me up into his muscular arms, placing me on his lap, so I was now straddling his waist. I took my hands off from his neck dragging them down to his biceps, resting them on his tense muscles. _I could've sat there forever._ He wrapped his arms around me, pressing me against him even harder so we were crushed together. Our hearts beating in sync together. I felt his hands slowly slide up my shirt, his calloused fingers running up and down the small of my back. I breathed out heavily, tightening my grip on his bicep, a small moan escaping my lips. He pulled back slightly, his eyes looking up into mine. I dragged my thumb over his cheek, a look of confusion on my face, saddened by the abrupt stop.  

 "We need to put this on hold...I don't want you to regret anything, and I don't want you to feel pressured." He whispered, a hint of concern lacing his voice, yet his hand still rested on my back, drawing small circles with the rough tips of his warm fingers. I frowned a little bit, but had to agree, knowing that if we got going we wouldn't be able to stop ourselves, _all the built-up sexual tension would probably be the cause of that_ , which would only cause more guilt than I already have. He slowly unwrapped his arms from around me, aiding me in getting off of him. _I couldn't help but feel satisfied with myself, though there was this impending nervousness regarding Richard that was slowly eating away at that feeling, knowing that I would have to break up with him soon._

 "I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight just so we can assure ourselves that nothing will happen." He explained, standing up from the seat, his height towering over me, casting a shadow over my skin.

 "Yeah...I guess that's a good idea." I replied, looking at the pieces of paper scattered around the desk. I felt his hand tilt my head up, his lips placing a chaste kiss on my forehead, my eyes closing at the gentle contact.

 "See you in the morning." I nodded, watching him exit the room, and close the door behind him. I squealed hopping up and down before throwing myself onto his bed, the covers engulfing me. _I haven't felt this happy in so long._ I turned over, and slid under the heavy blankets, wanting to fall asleep as soon as possible so the next morning could come quicker. 

 The loud noise of Gun's and Roses November Rain woke me up the next morning, the bright sun bursting through the curtains of Till's room. I let out a small sigh, lifting myself up off the bed, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. I pushed my hair out of my face before standing up and making my way out of the bedroom, the scent of pancakes filling my nose, the sound of sizzling echoing throughout the house. I entered the kitchen, my eyes landing on Till, who was throwing a pancake up into the air, swiftly catching it in the pan. He smiled to himself, his gaze connecting with mine.

 "Morning." He greeted, a light blush appearing on his face. I smirked, walking over to the island, grabbing his cup of water.

 "Morning," I replied, taking a sip and immediately regretting it. I spat the sparkling water back into the cup, cringing a little. "Gross...How do you like that stuff?" I asked, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, Till released a deep laugh, placing the pancake on the plate, seeing the mountainous pile beside him. He placed the pan into the sink and proceeded to walk over to me, picking the glass up, raising it to his lips. My jaw dropped, watching him take a large gulp of the bubbly liquid, his eyes glued to me as he did so. He placed the glass back down on the island, his hand wiping off his lips.

 "Till...I spat the water back into that cup." I informed, pointing at it. He shrugged.

 "I recall last night that you had your tongue in my mouth...So drinking the water that was in your mouth doesn't make a difference." He joked, taking another sip of the water, smirking at my semi-shocked and embarrassed face. He placed the cup back on the island, putting the plate of pancakes down between the both of us. 

 "...Actually, it was your tongue in my mouth." I shot back, a smirk plastered on my lips. He rolled his eyes, picking a pancake up from the pile, taking a bite.

 "Makes no difference." He replied. A gap of silence slowly fell upon us, my hand grabbing one of the pancakes, taking a bite of the fluffy mass, keeping my eyes glued to his. 

 "...Are you seeing Richard today?" Till questioned quietly. I shrugged, looking down at the pancake.

 "I guess...It is a Saturday after all." He nodded. I peeked up at him, noticing that he had averted his gaze so he wasn't looking at me anymore. "But I'm gonna do it tonight." I informed. His eyes immediately shooting back up to mine.

 "What are you going to do?" He probed, I raised my eyebrows, taking a small bite of the pancake.

 "I'm going to right the wrong I made...I don't want to cheat on him, even though that kiss does count...I would rather be honest, and just do it now, instead of waiting until I'm full of guilt." I explained. He looked back down, avoiding my eyes.

 "Yeah...I guess." I sighed, reaching over the island to caress his cheek. 

 "Hey...I've wanted to do this for a while Till. So don't feel guilty okay?" His eyes glanced up at me, the pupils dilated as they stared into mine. A small nod giving me all the reassurance I needed. 

 "Good...Now. Can you give me a ride home? It's laundry day." He let out a soft laugh, and nodded, taking my hand off his cheek, giving it a gentle kiss, before standing up straight, motioning for me to take another pancake as he walked by me, taking his keys off the hook. I followed him out of the house, entering the passenger side, buckling in my seat belt quickly, immediately going back to eating the pancakes. Till stepped in, the weight of the car shifting slightly as he put the keys in the ignition, and backed out of the driveway. The drive wasn't too long, since there was never any heavy traffic in this area, and we made it in record time. I saw my dad's car parked in the driveway, which was something out of the ordinary, and caused a pit to form in my stomach. I didn't show any nervousness in front of Till, but after he gave me a small kiss on my cheek, and I exited the car I could feel my palms begin to sweat. I took my key out of the backpack that I had left in the car last night and made my way to the door, unlocking it as fast as I could, entering the house immediately.

 "Dad?" I called out full of fear that I might not get an answer.

 "In here Vel!" He replied back, his voice coming from the kitchen. _He sounded fairly happy, which was something that was really out of the ordinary, especially for my father...This was worse than him being home on a Saturday morning._ I walked into the kitchen, seeing that he had prepared a breakfast for two; eggs, bacon, toast, you name it and it was there. I looked over at him, completely and utterly confused. _He hadn't done this since my mother passed away. What the hell has gotten into him?_ He smiled brightly, giving me a small kiss on my forehead, before going over to the coffee maker.

 "...Um...What's this all about?" I asked, dropping my bag on the ground beside the counter while I made my way to the table. He looked over his shoulder, a large smile plastered on his face. 

 "What? I can't make breakfast for my lovely daughter?" He sang I raised my eyebrows, bending down to pick up Felix, cradling him in my arms like some sort of baby. 

 "I mean...This just doesn't seem like you...Being home on a Saturday morning and stuff, you haven't done this since..." My voice trailed off, knowing that he knew what I was referring to. He let out a small sigh.

 "Well...Oh what the heck. I'll just be honest with you! I've got amazing, and huge news." He exclaimed, turning around, his dark brown eyes focusing on me. I nodded, proceeding for him to continue. He took his dishcloth off his shoulder, wiping his hands off.

 "I got a new job offer." _Didn't seem that big of a deal. He had gotten these all the time._ I raised my eyebrows a little.

 "You always get these though...What makes this one any different?" I questioned, scratching Felix's neck, feeling him purr against my chest. My father smiled.

 "This one is different because it's in New York City! We're moving in a month!" He exclaimed, causing my jaw, and the cat to drop to the ground. _This was definitely not a good type of shocked...This is bad. Really bad._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyy. Another short chapter, but I just wanted to get something out before the end of the year! If I do not update tomorrow I just want to wish all of you a very happy new year! Please stay safe and have fun! Also! Merry late late late Christmas. I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, I'll update soon. :) :) (ALSO! It's the moment yall have been waiting for...Hope it paid off slightly)


	16. A little chit chat

 “What?!” I exclaimed, out of shock, sure I was happy for him, I think he had been waiting for a job like this for a while, but I can’t just drop everything and leave. My fathers' happy expression fell immediately, turning into a disappointed look.

 “Velouria…There’s no other choice. This job is a huge opportunity for me…I need you to support me for once.” I raised my eyebrows at him.

 “Support you for once? You haven’t shown me any support for my things, why should I give you any? Support is a two-way street, just like respect, and everything else that exists in this world. I can’t even remember the last time you gave me a hug, told me you loved me or showed any sort of interest in my life, so why should I change my entire plans for you?” I kept my voice low enough so I wasn’t yelling at him, but it was loud enough for him to hear the anger in my voice. He averted his gaze, letting out a small sigh. I leaned against the wall behind me, crossing my arms over my chest, waiting for him to answer. He finally looked back up at me, pushing his salt and pepper coloured hair out of his face. 

 “You’re the only family I have left Velouria…You are my blood daughter, and whether you like it or not you’re coming with me to New York…I’ve already lost your mother, and I don’t want to lose you…” He always has to say that. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, before replying to him, so I could get my thoughts in line.

 “Dad…I have a life here. I have people that I care about here. I have a school here. I have friends here. In a couple of months, I will be a legal adult, and my life will not be under your foot…So why am I going to leave if I’m going to just come back **here**.” I informed him, motioning to the house. 

 "You can have all of those things in New York, you can even have a better life than that...Please...You can't do this to me Vel." He sounded so desperate, and I completely understood where he was coming from. I really was the only person that he had left, and it killed me that deep down inside he was right... _I couldn't leave him._ I bit my lower lip and let out a small sigh, raking my fingers through my hair out of complete frustration.

 "I just need time to think about this..." I confessed, quickly making my way out of the kitchen, towards my bedroom. I pushed open the door, grabbing a change of clothes, shoving them into my backpack, before leaving the house through my window. _I don't understand why I need to change my life for him. I have to adapt all the time to him._ I walked towards the local coffee shop, noticing Christoph and Oliver outside on the patio.

 "Hey! Velouria! Long time no see." Christoph exclaimed, a large smile on his face. Oliver turned around and looked at me, his eyes scanning me briefly. _The last time I saw him was the night I went to the hospital._ I gave a small nod, and waved at the both of them, walking over to the table that they were seated at.

 "What's going on? You look a little down." He added his face falling a little. I shrugged, putting my backpack on the black metal chair.

 "I'll explain after I grab a bagel and coffee." They both nodded, both reassuring me to take my time. I gave a small smile and walked away from them entering the coffee shop, getting into line. I placed my order, and moved off to the side, waiting for my coffee and cheese bagel. My stomach growled, and my brain was replying my father's words in my head. All those things he said about me being the only family he had, me not being able to do this to him. I just hated that he was right, I hated that in my own head I would never be able to live with the guilt if I did choose to leave him. 

 "Cheese bagel and black coffee." I raised my hand, taking the wrapped food and hot cup into my hands, going back outside, joining Christoph and Oliver again, taking a seat at the table. 

 "So...What's going on?" I took a sip of my coffee, letting the bitter liquid burn my tongue. I placed the large paper cup back down onto the metal table, letting out a small sigh. 

 "Till dropped me off at my house this morning, and my dad was home. It's a rare thing that he is home on a Saturday, so I was pretty scared. When I got into the house though he was cooking a huge breakfast, and said that he had some big news. To me it didn't seem like a big deal, he said to me that he got a job offer. Which I thought was amazing, I was proud of him, then he told me that this new work placement is going to be in New York City." I explained, unwrapping my bagel slowly. Both Christoph and Oliver raised their eyebrows, sporting looks of confusion on their faces.

 "And this is a bad thing why?" Oliver questioned, glancing over at Christoph before looking back over to me. I paused for a moment, stirring the coffee around with the stir stick.

 "I don't think it's a bad thing, I just feel like I am going to be leaving my whole life behind. I don't want to leave Germany. I've been here my whole life and I don't want to leave Ti-" I stopped instantly, watching Christoph's eyes widen in slight shock, Oliver, on the other hand, didn't seem too fazed about the slip-up, like he knew what I wanted to say.

 "Richard...I don't want to leave Richard." I corrected myself, my face feeling like it had the heat of a thousand suns on it. Oliver released a small scoff, like he was trying to cover it up but failed to do so.

 "I completely understand where you are coming from, but maybe you could give it a try...You'll always have..." Christoph paused for a moment glancing over at Oliver then back to me "You'll always have Richard." He seemed to put some unneeded emphasis on his name as if he knew what I really wanted to say. 

 "Also...Your father loves and cares for you, and he will always want the best for you. I may not be a parent but I know that they would never do anything for themselves. They do it to better their children's lives. I recommend that you give yourself some time to think things over before you go back home and talk to him." _Christoph is the best at life advice, **take note of that.**_ I nodded, taking a bite out of the toasted bagel, washing it down with the strong coffee.

 "Is there any other problems that need resolving?" Oliver pressed, giving a small wink as if he knew there was something else that needed a resolution. I could feel my cheeks turn a crimson red, knowing that it would be best to ask them for some advice since they're men and they both know Richard and Till's clashing personalities.

 "I'm thinking of breaking it off with Richard." I admitted hesitantly, avoiding their tense stares. 

 "Seems understandable." Oliver murmured, my eyes shooting up from my lap, squinting at him. _Did he know?_ Christoph looked at the both of us as if he had missed something.

 "She's finally realized that she likes Till...But now I understand why this New York situation bothers you so much." I could feel my face turn a deeper red from Oliver informing Christoph the situation. I nodded agreeing with his theory. 

 "Well...It's simple. Just break up with Richard, and go for Till. At least you're not cheating on him or anything." _Oh...The less you know the better Christoph._ I shook my head.

 "Doesn't work like that. Richard already has suspicions that something is going on between Till and I, he hasn't said it but I know he's thinking it. He's also really jealous that I spend a lot of time with him. So I'm just scared that he's going to have a terrible reaction to me breaking up with him." I admitted, taking a long sip of the hot coffee. I placed the cup back down on the table, looking at the both of them, waiting for a reply. They both glanced over at each other and let out a small sigh in unison. 

 "If he already has suspicions then chances are he'll be prepared for you to do it..." Oliver murmured. 

 "I'm just scared he'll have a bad reaction." Both Christoph and Oliver shook their heads.

 "He would probably just have the normal reaction that any guy would have. The good old 'Are you serious? Why?' and then once you give him a made-up answer that is not the truth, you and Till can be on your merry way." I rolled my eyes at his comment, and leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms over my chest.

 "It isn't that simple. Being on our merry way is not possible since I'll be leaving." I grumbled.

 "Well, that means you can just enjoy the time you guys have together before you leave. It's not like you'll never see him again." Christoph retorted. _He was right..._ I gave him a small nod, standing up from the seat.

 "I think I should get going. I hope I'll see you guys around." They both gave me small comforting smiles.

 "Good luck." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry, boring chapter. Just wanted to get this thing out before I release the next one. This chapter was a filler as you can see, but there has been a resolution. I hope you guys enjoyed it nevertheless.


	17. Admissions and Apologies

 As I made my way to Richard's place I was planning in my head what I was going to say to him, wanting it to be quick and painless, just like ripping off a band-aid... _Only the band-aid is on a blister that is going to explode everywhere._ I was prepping myself for the worst, and angriest reaction from him, knowing that there was a chance of him saying a lot of hurtful things, but at this point in the relationship I wouldn't care, because at the end of the day I will not have a guilty conscience, _actually...Maybe a little, for the simple fact that I kissed Till yesterday night while still being in a relationship with Richard._ I walked up the path going towards his shared apartment with Christoph and Oliver, taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself down from the nervousness that was building up in my stomach. I buzzed his apartment, waiting for him to answer, or unlock the door. I think I stood there for a good two minutes before double buzzing. Then I finally heard his voice.

 "Yes?" He sounded like he had been sleeping and I woke him. I paused for a moment before pressing the microphone back, inhaling deeply before replying to him.

 "Um...It's Velouria." I took my finger off the microphone button, waiting for a moment until a loud buzz and the sound of the door unlocking echoed through my ears. I quickly entered the apartment building and took the elevator up. For a split second I contemplated running out of the enclosed box and just leaving, but just before I could actually initiate the action _because in all honesty, I was pretty darn nervous,_ the doors slid closed. I slumped against the wall, leaning my head back to look up at the bright white light.

 "It's all going to be okay Velouria, just say the simple five words. We. Need. To. Break. Up." I clapped with every word I said, taking a deep breath, hearing a loud ding, indicating that I arrived on his floor. I pushed myself off the wall and made my way down the long hallway, my palms becoming sweaty with every step I took towards his front door. _Everything will be okay. It's all going to be alright._ I inhaled deeply, looking at the door before giving it a quick knock, fixing the bag on my shoulder. I waited a moment or two, the door opening, revealing a shirtless Richard. I glanced down at his faint abs, then back up into his eyes, seeing the slight concern and confusion in his eyes, which was extinguished after he saw my serious expression on my face. He moved over, giving me enough space to enter the apartment. I entered the warm, welcoming space, hearing the door close behind me.

 "We ne-." I was interrupted by Richard.

 "We need to talk...I know Make yourself at home, want a coffee or something?" I peeked over my shoulder at him and shook my head. 

 "No, it's okay." I replied, taking a seat on his couch, crossing one leg over the other, keeping my eyes on him as he disappeared into his kitchen, the sound of glasses clinking together. I shifted uncomfortably, playing with the zipper of my backpack, while I awaited his return. He came back a few moments later, placing a mug of water in front of me, before he took a seat in the recliner across from me. His eyes told me everything, a look of regret, remorse, like he had done something that he had regretted, _I wonder if I had the same look plastered on my face._ I stared at him for a moment, watching him take a deep breath and scratch the back of his neck nervously. 

 "I think we should just be honest with each other..." You could hear the hesitation in his voice, yet I agreed with him with a small nod. _It was pretty simple at this point because he was doing all the talking._ He took a deep breath.

 "I cheated on you last night." My eyes went wide, completely caught off guard by his admission, but that initial shock wore off immediately, my brain reminding me why I was here. The nerves were totally thrown out the window at this point after this was revealed, my body throwing the guilt away from me. "And I'm really sorry about th-" I shook my head almost instantaneously, causing him to stop his words.

 "I cheated on you as well..." I could see his mouth open slightly, his eyes tearing themselves away from me. A loud huff escaping his lips like he was mad. _If he was really mad I think I will throw something at him, because currently, we are in the same boat, sailing on the same fucking ship, so he isn't any better than me, and I am not better than him in any way._

 "It was with Till wasn't it." The sentence sounded like a statement, not a question, which didn't bother me at all actually since he was right. I gave him a little nod, looking up to see how content his reaction was. He scratched his chest a little, releasing a small sigh, before his facial features softened.

 "You like him...Don't you?" He asked, his voice sounding open for a conversation, with no sign of anger, but a little hint of disappointment. I lifted the mug of water, taking a quick sip, sitting back on the fluffy couch, the scent of cigarettes being released into the air. My eyes trailed back to him, as I brought the mug down, holding it with both my hands while placing it down on my lap.

 "Yes, I really do." I felt myself smile just at the thought of the prior nights actions. The feeling of that weight being lifted off my shoulders, like we were invincible in that moment. A small melancholic smile appeared on Richard's face, his eyes breaking the momentary stare down that was occurring between us, to look at his mug of coffee. 

 "I'm glad that you will be happier with him...He deserves you." He commented, my face slowly turning into a frown, witnessing his self loathing attitude. I didn't feel guilty, but I felt bad for doing this to him, even if he saw it coming, and even if he cheated as well. Maybe it was because in my eyes I didn't share the same feelings he had towards me, so I didn't think that his actions were a big deal. Yet I had to think and take into consideration the emotions he was experiencing at this moment, the feeling of betrayal, and the underlying guilt of him cheating on me, even though I have basically shown that I don't really care about it. 

 "You deserved me as much as Till does. There is no difference. I don't want you to be sad, I want you to find someone who will deserve _**you**_ , and not betray you like I did. I made a mistake, but that mistake was my brain expressing my true feelings, and where my heart really lies. I should've told you. So don't be mad at yourself, and don't hate yourself. Hate me if need be." I struggled with my words, taking long pauses to conjure up what I wanted to say, feeling satisfied with what I said by the end of it. 

 "I knew from the start that you liked him. The way you looked at him when he wasn't looking, the way you spoke to him, and especially how much you cared about him. You were like an open book, especially when it came to him, and I shouldn't have betrayed Till like that especially after he told me his feelings towards you." He admitted, his voice sounding full of guilt. _So basically he knew about Till's feeling for me, and he decided to not tell me, and betray his friend like that? What a great friend._

 "I can't be with him anyways..." I informed, taking another sip of the cool water, quenching my throat with the liquid.

 "Why not?" The question slipped out into the air, hovering over me. I ran my thumb over the glossy finish of the white mug, a small huff escaping my lips.

 "My dad and I are moving to New York in a month. I just found out today, after I thought everything was starting to go well...So even if I did want a relationship to happen between Till and I, it wouldn't work out in the end because of the distance." I explained, my voice becoming a little wonky, the hope of staying here in Germany disappearing with my admission to Richard. It was as if I was admitting it to myself that I wouldn't be able to prevent this move, no matter what I did.

 "...Then why not enjoy the time you have with him until you leave?" He had a point, but there is a big counter argument that could be brought up, that being the fact that it would only make leaving him harder than it will already be. I didn't reply, I just left the suggestion hanging between us, dangling around in front of my eyes. "Does he even know about this?" He asked curiously, causing me to look up from the mug and shake my head slowly.

 "I just found out this morning, and I haven't gone to see him." I pointed out, swirling the water in circles within the cup. Richard slapped his hand on the recliner, nearly making me jump up from the couch. I scanned him as he walked out of the living room. I could hear him rummaging around, then there was silence for a few moments. Suddenly he returned with a dark blue t-shirt on, and his keys in hand. I looked up at him, sporting a confused expression on my face, as he made his way towards me, locking his grip on my wrist as tightly as he could without hurting me. He proceeded to pull me up off the couch with ease, dragging me towards the door, pushing me out into the hall. He took my wrist again, taking me down the hallway towards the elevator.

 "Where the hell are we going?" I tried pulling back, attempting to stop him from walking, but to no avail, I was too skinny to hold him back. He pushed me into the elevator, pressing the main level button.

 "I'm taking you to Till's house, so you two can talk, and spend time together because that whole conversation that just happened in my apartment would be worth nothing. At least something could come out of breaking it off with me, instead of you just ignoring him and then leaving." I didn't object. I just stayed quiet, knowing that there was plenty of truth to what he just said. The car ride was filled with Kiss's 'I was made for loving you baby' _which was the most ironic song to play during this situation,_ but we arrived with ease. He put the car into park, his hand running over the handle of the steering wheel. I glanced over at him, noticing that he was ignoring my eyes.

 "I just want to say I'm really sorry Richard." A small smile appeared on his lips, his head shaking back and forth.

 "It's okay. I'm sorry as well...I hope everything goes well." I nodded, peering out the window, my hand going to the handle of the door. I paused for a moment, before turning back around and wrapping my arms around him, hugging him tightly.

 "Thank you." I murmured into his shirt, feeling his arms slide around me as well, his breathing muffling against my shoulder.

 "Anytime Vel...Now go talk to Till." He insisted, pulling away from the hug. I gave him one last smile before exiting the car, swinging the bag over my shoulder. I stood there for a moment, taking a deep breath. _Guess there's no turning back now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters without Till? Oh, the humanity :). The next chapter will pay off. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Very excited to post the next chapter though! Be ready. :D


	18. At last

 "New York?" I stared at Till, watching his gaze drop, and his happiness disappear. There was silence, but I couldn't even focus on caring about it. I felt terrible about everything that I was doing to him right now. We had finally gotten the one thing that we both wanted, and suddenly I was pulling the rug out from under him with this news, "You're moving to New York?" I didn't know whether or not he was asking me to confirm the situation to him, or if he was trying to wrap his head around the situation. _Maybe he was trying to find a solution,_ _a way for me to stay with him._ **I wouldn't mind at all, even though deep down inside I would miss my father. No matter how hard he was on me, or how much stress he would sometimes make me have, I still loved him, and he the only blood-related family that I had left,** _that I even spoke to at least._ I decided to say something, maybe to give him more insight into what I thought about the whole situation.

 "I told him that I needed time to think about it, I have so many things here, and I don't want to leave it behind. I have to finish my last year of school, and I want to stay with you...I don't want to go to New York with my father." My voice cracked, as I tried to maintain my voice, and hold back my tears. The thought of leaving haunted me, and it made my stomach turn. Since I was young the only way that I pictured my future was always being here. I felt like my life would be amazing here, and my father would never have the thought of moving and leaving everything behind to start all over again, but I thought wrong. 

 "Frau..." Till whispered, drying his hands off, before making his way over to me, placing his large, calloused hand on my cheek, my skin warming against his touch. My eyes stared up into his, searching them for some wordless answer "I will be broken for a while when you leave, but I will recover, knowing that you will be happy, and you will find happiness no matter where you go. I know one day that you will come back, and I will wait. For now, though, you have to go with your father, no matter how mad he might make you, no matter how much stress he may cause, and no matter what he thinks about your choice of career. Chase your dream, and do what you want to do, but do it while your father is present. You of all people should know that you only get two parents, and when they're gone, you don't get them back." His words hit me like a ton of bricks, and even though it was heartbreaking to hear, I knew he was right. I closed my eyes, and leaned forward, pressing my head into his brute chest, a stray tear falling out of the corner of my eye. I sniffed, breathing in his comforting scent that danced around my senses. 

 "I'll miss you so much," I whispered into the thick fabric of his t-shirt, as his arms wrapped around me tightly, mine mirroring his actions as well. I could hear his light heartbeat that raced throughout his body, his chin resting on top of my head. 

 "It'll be so hard not seeing you every day." He replied in a saddened tone. My mouth twitched up into a smirk, a small laugh escaping from my throat.

 "You've grown attached." I joked, tracing my hand up and down his back, my fingertips drawing small spirals on the fabric. His deep laughter vibrated through my head, as he pulled back a little from the tight embrace, his blue pupils scanning me.

 "You have too; you're not so innocent." I bit my bottom lip, elevating myself up on my tiptoes, so I was a little closer to his face. I could feel his warm breath fan over my face as I gave him a small, brief kiss on his lips. He pulled back a little more so I couldn't go back for a second one.

 "Did you break up with Richard?" His voice was monotone and hard to read, but I knew he was serious. I stood back down, so I was back to normal height and nodded, not giving him a vocal answer. "And how did it go?" He pressed, his hands sliding to the sides of my arms.

 "It went well; it was easier than expected at least. He wasn't shocked about it; I think he was starting to figure out that I had feelings for you. I also admitted to him that I cheated on him, so he understood that I was serious." He nodded, "And he also told me to enjoy the time that I have left here with you, and make memories." A small smile appeared on his face, and his face flushed a bright red.

 "I'm glad it went well, I'm happy he didn't get angry. I wasn't expecting him to though." I returned a smile to him, then closed the space between us yet again, getting up on my tiptoes. 

 "Does that give me enough permission to kiss you now?" A small laugh escaped his mouth, bouncing off the walls, as his arm wrapped around the small of my back, and his other helped me up, so I was a little higher than him. My legs rested on either side of him as he tilted his head to look up at me, his eyes burning into mine, while I leaned my head down, my hair splaying over his face, caressing his cheeks. One of his hands found its way to my face, pushing my short hair away from my skin, as he closed the space between us, his warm lips taking my top between them. It was slow, and there was a feeling of freedom and relief. We were finally able to do this, without being worried about Richard finding out, but even in this happy moment I couldn't help but think about leaving him. I knew that in the back of my mind this wouldn't indeed last. Till would get bored of waiting, and he would get up and move on from me, and I would be left in the dust of an old broken memory. _But right now I wasn't going to let the thought of me leaving ruin this moment that I have right now._ I pressed myself into him a little more, running my hands through his hair. Our mouths separated, as his tongue slowly made its way into my mouth, my breathing accelerated, as my fingertips traced down the warm skin of his neck. His hand laid on my neck and his thumb caressed my cheek as things began to get a little more intense. Our bodies relaxed against each other, but my brain was still racing, trying to push the black slug down into my stomach, wishing that all those memories of that disgusting man would just disappear and allow me to enjoy this moment of physical contact that I truly wanted. _But the thoughts were overpowering the minuscule amount of pleasure that I was feeling, and I just...Couldn't._ I'm assuming Till sensed something was wrong because my body was now shaking from panic, so he pulled away, opening his eyes. My eyes began to water, as I shook my head.

"I can't..." I whispered under my breath. 

 "It's okay Vel. I should've been able to control myself. It's not your fault." I leaned my head back down, digging my face into his shoulder, letting the tears stream freely down my face. 

 "It's just so hard to forget...I can't forget about it." I cried, my tears staining his neck, as Till hushed me, trying to soothe me and the black slug that was now crowding my insides again, infecting my thoughts, and feelings. I thought that I would be okay and that maybe I would be able to push that night into the back of my mind so I would forget, but I was coming to the conclusion that the memories were inescapable. Till held me close, rubbing my back gently as I struggled to take in a breath.

 "Maybe you should go back and talk to Mrs, Montgomery. You're still coping with what happened that night, and talking to a professional would be better." I nodded, pulling myself off of his neck with all the energy that I had, wiping my cheeks off with the back of my hand.

 "Yeah...I guess that would be a good idea." I murmured, sniffling, as Till reached up and placed a small kiss on my forehead.

 "It'll take time...But soon you will be okay, and you will learn how to cope with it. You're going through the motions, and you're trying to find a way to understand...She'll help, and I'll do as much as I can, you just need to talk to me...Okay?" I nodded, wrapping my arms around him, giving him a tight hug, not willing to let go of him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god. It's been so long. I am so, genuinely sorry. I have been struggling for a while with writing in general, especially for the past couple of months. I had to make a lot of decisions that were life-changing for me, but I am glad to be back. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, because there are many more to come, and they will be arriving at you guys at a very rapid pace, probably one every other day. 
> 
> I'm delighted that you guys have kept up with this story for as long as you did, and waited for this update, I hope this is good enough, I'm a little rusty still. 
> 
> You guys are wonderful and I just wanted to say Thank you <<3


	19. Progress

"I'm glad that you came to visit me today, I was going to call Till and ask if you wanted to make another appointment with me so we could catch up." I nodded, leaning back on the puffy chair that sat in front of her desk. A cup of coffee was in my hand, the strong scent running through my nostrils, as the steam created a sticky film of condensation on my cheeks. I glanced up from the mug of creamy liquid, taking my lip between my teeth, thinking about what I should tell her first.

  
"I had a panic attack the other night..." She raised her eyebrows, a look of concern plastered on her face.

  
"And what led up to that? Do you think there was something that triggered it?" I took a quick glance down at my hands, picking at the dry skin on my palm. I hated to admit that I might never be able to be intimate with someone for the rest of my life because of this trauma, and that the only experience that I might ever have would be that awful man. She kept her eyes on me, observing me as I tried to conjure up how to explain myself, knowing that I couldn't leave Till out of the story. I inhaled deeply.

  
"Till and I...We were 'making out' I guess, and it was so sudden that I didn't even know what was going on. I got so scared, and it was like a flashback to what happened that night. Till stopped immediately of course, and he felt terrible, even though I was the one that initiated this type of contact." My flow of words stopped, and my eyes raised up to meet hers, a look of shock plastered on her face, it was a type of impressed shock in a sense, like I had made some sort of progress even though the end result was a panic attack.

  
"You and Till have gotten together I see." She sounded proud "And you also initiated this physical contact as well, which sounds like on the inside you want to be close with him physically, but mentally you just can't let go of what happened that night. Are you afraid of being intimate with Till for any other reason?" I thought about it, and then shook my head.

  
"I just can't get it out of my head. The pain, and everything afterwards, all those tests, and reporting it, and knowing that he is still out there and hasn't been fucking caught." My voice raised with each bothersome claim, which would pick away at my mentality day by day. "That's the thing that I can't get over, and that's the thing that is holding me back from recovering. Every day I think that he'll find me again and it'll happen all over again. Even if it did stop, what makes you think that I'll be any better?" Mrs. Montgomery stared at me, now caught off guard by my emotional outburst. My cheeks heated up, and tears filled my eyes, my throat was tightening, but I felt the need to hold everything back and bundle it up against me. 

  
"Velouria, the police are trying to find him, they're trying really hard. It won't happen again, and you shouldn't have to worry in the state you are in right now. Recovering from something like this is hard, and it takes a toll on your mental health, but you need to find a way to move past it, and it will take time...A lot of time, but at the end of the day it will be worth it. You'll look back on this day and see that you've come so far. It's a complicated process, yes, but you have people who are going to support you through this." Once again I shook my head, wiping a stray tear off the corner of my eye. Her brows furrowed in confusion. "Why are you shaking your head for?" I sat back.

  
"I'm moving to New York in a month with my father...Which in turn means that I won't have any support." There was a flash of sadness in her eyes, as she looked down at her own hands, _something that she hasn't done before,_ and pursed her lips, releasing a loud gulp which crowded the silence in the room. 

  
"As someone that understands what it feels like to leave a country behind to start a new life or a new job, I can say that you will find people that will be there for you. You'll make friends, and you'll still have everyone that you're leaving behind in spirit, even if they may not be there physically, you could still speak to them...Maybe this change of atmosphere will help you actually." _Maybe it will._ "I also know that leaving Till will be hard as well, but make good memories together! It isn't too late, and it is never too late until the minute before you have to leave. Don't regret things, and take control of situations, which isn't too hard, especially when it comes to him. Don't dawn on leaving, and focus on the moment, because the now is more important than the later." I agreed with her, but it still didn't solve my intimacy problem.

  
"You're right about me wanting to be close to Till physically, I really do want him like that, it has been a long time coming, but going through with it scares me to high heaven. The panic attack killed everything, and it's put me off from even trying things again. Even the thought of possibly being intimate makes my palms sweat and my chest tighten, it fills me with this...This inexplicable dread. We were just kissing and that made me panic, so what do you think would happen if we were going to try and go further." Mrs. Montgomery nodded "I feel like giving up on even trying." 

  
"Velouria, a lot of people have gone through this and they have recovered well enough to have fully functioning sex lives, and they enjoy it. Obviously it will take time and patience, and a very good partner, but in the end you'll be able to reclaim what was taken from you, maybe it won't come as fast as you wanted it to, but you will slowly recover, you just need to believe in yourself, and trust the person you want to go through this with." She stated, and before I could say anything back to her, a knock interrupted us, signalling that her next patient had arrived. "I want to see you before you leave so please make an appointment. Just remember what I said, recovery is a slow process and it has to be taken slow or else you might do damage to yourself and the others around you." I nodded, and stood up, putting my book bag over my shoulder, which was weighed down by the several textbooks that school had given me. Mrs. Montgomery gave me a gentle hug and wished me luck, reminding me to book an appointment before I left. I stepped out of the office, making my way over to the exit, seeing Till waiting in his car. I took in a deep breath, bundling myself up in my thin jacket, getting hit with the cold air that spun around outside. I opened up the passenger door, stepping into the warm car, putting my hands out in front of the vent.   
"How did it go?" He asked gently, I looked over him, our eyes lingering on each others. I took note of his concerned facial expression, looking at him carefully, even though I knew he didn't like being stared at. I realized that he didn't tell me to stop looking at him anymore, and I could see that he was changing and breaking out of his shy shell that used to be thick, and brick-like. 

  
"It went alright. She gave me a lot of information about recovering, and how it'll be a tough process but it will be worth it in the end. You know how it is..." I trailed off, as he turned the key in the ignition, making the car rumble beneath my feet. 

  
"Yeah...I know." He replied, turning out of the parking lot of the office, pulling onto the one way street. "Do you want to come over? Or do you want to go home and work on your homework?" 

  
"I'll come over, I don't really want to be home anyways, my dad will only be hassling me about packing, and I don't really want to start doing that yet." He nodded, understanding my stance on the situation.

  
"Did you talk to her about what happened a couple days ago?" 

  
"Mentioned it in passing, she told me it's normal to have these types of reactions and it derives from PTSD, since...What happened was so traumatizing, and since it was my first experience, it'll be hard to actually get over it. She told me it was different for everyone and recovery time doesn't have a set date when it will specifically stop, because all in all you never truly stop the recovery process, you just learn how to cope with it." Out of the corner of my eye I could see Till nodding.

  
"At least you spoke to her about it, and got some advice from her, right? 

  
"Yeah." I replied, looking out the window, as my mind raced around in circles, always coming back to the same point that I will never get over this. The black slug was infecting me, and I don't have a cure for it, at least...Not yet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Next chapter will be out in no time, and I'm starting to get back into the process of this story. I'm somewhat excited to get this story done, even though the ending is kind of far away, but I already know where it is going and I hope you all will like it. Once again thank you for all the support, and keeping up with this story even when I hit writer's block, I appreciate you guys so much.

**Author's Note:**

> New story guys, I really hope you guys enjoy it! I'm really excited about this story, I have so many ideas.


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